Why You Never Ditch Your Comfort Zone: Reason 2 And Resolution
A Series Of Reasons From Real People
Reason 2: The Fear Of Failure
Though we didn’t wish for it, we didn’t foresee it; we might have encountered it — FAILURE. We have enough exposure to failure, and our brains are tuned enough to bear the aftermath of defeat.
The point is, you’re okay to face failure when it comes from apparent situations like exams, promotion, hike, client satisfaction, improving relationships and the list continues.
In the above circumstances, failure is a consequence of an event, but not a reason for an event to happen.
We don’t perceive failure as a special OUTPUT in ordinary events — the outcome is either success or failure. Fear is an insignificant matter here.
But in case of extraordinary things, we sense failure as a special INPUT and associate it with fear.
And here, FEAR is the focal point, not the failure.
Fear is a strong and powerful human emotion. It plays a vital role in the continuum of the human race — response to situations like speed driving, jumping off heights, abusing a stranger, anger management and so on. The examples can be numerous, but you get the point.
The fight or flight hormone, adrenaline, increases the heart rate and gives us a surge of energy essential for us to run away from a dangerous situation.
So, a healthy fear is essential for us to have a continued and non-chaotic life.
Now, the discussion is more about the intersection of fear, failure, and comfort zone. Fear of failure is one of the important reason I hear from people when I research the reasons for forsaking their comfort zone.
It goes like this, “I’m afraid I fail, I rather stay here in my comfort zone.” I didn’t write the exact sentence, but the answers I receive have the same meaning.
I don’t want to break down the physiology of FEAR, but I’ll describe how you can overcome and make a step towards your goal.
Practice of auto-suggestion
I was 8-year-old and had a brutal fear of evil spirits. On a usual Sunday after spending a good time at my uncle’s place, I am heading home, alone. The clouds started to get thick, it was getting dark, and there was no sign of people around.
Amid my course, I realised that I would walk by a cemetery to reach home. My instant decision was to turn back and go to my uncle’s place.
But my goal was different, and I know I won’t reach my destination if I opt for my new decision (going back to my uncle’s place).
At that moment, I discovered the power of auto-suggestion. I started telling to myself aloud: “I’m BRAVE, I’m NOT AFRAID, and THAT’S IT. I’m BRAVE, I’m NOT AFRAID, and THAT’S IT….”
I reached home, and since then, I’ve been using this magical weapon to win any fear.
“NO THOUGHT, whether it be negative or positive, CAN ENTER THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WITHOUT THE AID OF THE PRINCIPLE OF AUTO-SUGGESTION” — Napoleon Hill.
Autosuggestion is a psychological technique related to the placebo effect. It is a form of self-induced suggestion in which individuals guide their thoughts, feelings, or behaviour.
How to apply autosuggestion in 4 simple steps, say you want to ask your manager for a raise.
- Dig out your failing goal: I want to ask for a raise
- Set time specific goal: I will set up a meeting tomorrow. Make sure that your goal is not very far from the start of this process. It is highly likely the flow fades away
- Visualise the result: Manager agrees to my ask, or he will tell me the reasons, if he does not agree. A win-win situation
- Create a strong phrase and keep uttering it: I am going to talk to him tomorrow, NO MATTER WHAT
Your subconscious mind is incredibly powerful. It can transform any thought into a physical or behavioural equivalent. If you feed it with fear, it makes you a coward, and if you feed it with bravery, it makes you a hero.
You have goals, and you have a design to achieve those goals, but the challenge is to transform the plan into an action. You can do that, but before that, do not let any excuse or comfort control your willpower.
Practice of breaking the fear into chunks
Remember the climax of Will Smith’s Men In Black where he confronts a big cockroach-like alien? Also, the scene of crushing small cockroaches dripped from a trash can to stop the alien from getting into the spaceship?
Well, Will is brave enough to fight such a big cockroach, but what is your reaction when you see it? Surely not that of Will Smith’s and not at least that of a response to domestic cockroaches. The fear is going to be IMMENSE.
The reaction to a pup is different than to a dog; cub vs. lion, lizard vs. crocodile. The science of fear is same across — the threat perception is directly proportional to the fear you experience.
Did you get the answer right? You’ll have to break your fear to muster the courage.
“What we need to do is say, “What’s the smallest, tiniest thing that I can master and what’s the scariest thing I can do in front of the smallest number of people that can teach me how to dance with the fear?” — Seth Godin
How to break fear in 7 easy steps, say you want to speak in public.
I used these steps and successfully spoke in front of over 600 undergraduates.
- Find out your fear: I am afraid to talk in front of huge audience
- What is the threat: I may fail, people may laugh at me, it is going to be an embarrassment
- Put your learnings against the threat: What am I going to learn/gain if I am ready to face the threat. This doesn’t mean you will always have to be a victim, but you have to be prepared for it to transform you. You can still skip this step if it seems to be daunting task (threats weigh more than learning)
- Make a plan to downsize the threat: I am going to talk in front of my friend and get feedback
- Practise like an athlete: Repetition is the mother of all skills. I will talk over, and over, and over till my friend says I am doing good
- Build confidence with every chunk of threat: I start talking in front of the management and my classmates. This builds confidence in me to handle the more significant pieces of threat
- Believe your courage: In the last step, I will have to summon courage from all the sources of this universe and profoundly believe that my fear is a tiny feather in front of my spirit
To build a strong wall, you need to put few layers of bricks and bind with cement. The band gets better and makes the wall stable. The matter is, it takes TIME.
Patience, persistence, and perseverance are different elements that unite our efforts in defeating fear.
If someone says, he’s courageous in doing something. It is not that he is not afraid, he’s just mastered doing that thing.
Fear is everywhere, and it is a crucial trait of any living being. It is a matter of making the decision: FIGHT AND WIN or FLY AND LOSE.
When you start a practice against fear; you may struggle at the start, but when you continue doing, you get habitual to it, and you finally embrace it.
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Reason 3: Satisfaction With Mediocrity
It is shaping up and will reach you soon….
I’ve got you covered, here is the Reason 1, The Fear Of Embracing Risk
