Ex-Plain Atheists — friends, not foes!
Having previously written about sexual abuse coverup and re-victimization in both the mainstream and plain Anabaptist world and reviewed Mary Byler’s autobiography, I thought to share a recent talk at the American Atheists 2024 National Convention by several advocates/researchers/survivors on the subject of abuse.
Previously, there had been some buzz in the Anabaptist community about the talk being an agent of Satan, evil, etc. Now that the talk is published, I would like to share it here, iterating several thoughts. I say this an individual with conservative and Anabaptist beliefs.
Firstly, we need to hear people’s stories. It does not matter is someone is no longer a Christian or someone we categorize as “righteous” in “right standing”. We need to hear their stories and where they have been harmed by our faith communities. We need to see the person as a human, not as a caricature of an “enemy” or demon.
It’s easy to shut our ears to people because Christians are immersed in stereotypes about backsliders and immoral people who leave, but we don’t look at ourselves and the planks in our own eyes. Is it true that only people who leave our Christian communities do bad things? Is it true that all the “sins” are out there?
Who do we choose to have empathy for: those who did violence, or those who were betrayed by our lack of care, love, and response? Are we willing to repent for the times we truly did not love well?
If we don’t want people to close their ears to us and make assumptions about us because they group us into a “conservative” or “Christian” box or assume that all of us enable predators and abusers without hearing our heart and our stories, we should also give the same consideration to others.
What would Jesus do? Do we respond with empathy?
Secondly, ask ourselves what we are defending. The specific harms that the presenters are pointing out include unlicensed “counseling” centers that allow predators access to children and claim to provide “cures” for them, leaders, churches, and communities that turn a blind eye to children begging and pleading for protection against abusers, and various other aspects of child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and spiritual abuse. You can read academic research that two of the speakers, Mary and Jasper, produced here.
I say this as a Christian: The ground that we would want to stand on is the solid rock, Jesus’s. Standing on this rock does not mean and should not in any way mean justifying any of the above. If we stand with the above, we do not stand with Jesus.
Thirdly, listen carefully to what people say. What are the main points, and are they good points? Do the presenters talk about their own stories, about which they are experts, or do they make bombastic generalizations and assume bad things about all Christians? Do they reference facts and research?
I think we may subconsciously apply a “missionary” agenda to everyone in the world. Because we Christians believe that we have the truth and that we need to do everything we can to convert people to this truth, we may (wrongly) assume that everyone who isn’t a Christian is also actively trying to oppose our faith and convert us to their belief system, worldview, or philosophy.
Everyone exists in attack/defense mode, every relationship is antagonistic.
But what if it’s not?
This is not to say that we should not be vigilant against abusive behaviors, because they definitely do exist. “High-control religion” is a term that is very useful: if someone is trying to control you, force you into a worldview, strong-arm or manipulate you etc., you can identify such a person as abusive and disrespectful. This is something we absolutely need the skill to identify for ourselves and others. This is something that is an abusive behavior regardless of what religion an individual may or may not profess, whether we agree with their theology or not.
If it’s not something that an atheist should do to a Christian, it’s not something a Christian should do to an atheist. Simple, right? Jesus commands it: Do to others what you want others to do to you.
I would like to end this short reflection by identifying two points that I initially made before the talk was given.
“I long for the day that we can be reconciled to our former brethren who “have ought against us”. They never committed the kind of atrocities they experienced/witnessed from “godly” people in “good standing”, things that we know from Scripture and our conscience to be sin and from whom reconciliation and repentance has not been attempted.”
- No one from the Christian/Plain/Anabaptist community, including the leaders and community members involved in doing the speakers harm, has apologized for wrongs done to them. I believe we should have a spirit of repentance, humility, and gentleness towards those to whom we do wrong, especially as Anabaptists who believe in peacemaking and that “no man comes to God without his brother”.
- In my personal interaction (different levels of familiarity/unfamiliarity), the speakers at the above event have never told me I cannot believe in Jesus or hold to Anabaptist convictions. They have been loving, respectful, and caring. I have seen this care and respect towards other Christians, Anabaptists, and Plain people.
Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (Matthew 5:23)
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. (Matthew 7:21)
Everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. (John 3:20)
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8)
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. (Ephesians 5:11)
