Authenticity — a master skill of being ourselves in the age of unification
A few thoughts on how I overcame the fear of death, the fear of competition, and why I do not seek inspiration.
Inspiration — why I do not watch TV & go offline from social media regularly
It’s not easy to fight the created addictive loop of social media. I share my thoughts out there, so I have to be there at a certain point. Yet, it’s very easy to slide into scrolling and checking the stories of my friends and people I’m interested in.
At the same time, I know that the information overload seriously influences our focus and capacity to process other information (like from your closest ones). Also, I am pretty well educated about the influences of media on our perception of events, education about society, and how addicting it is.
My hate towards media, in general, was definitely heavily supported by my Bachelor’s Media&Communication studies which taught me how media work. Instead of motivating me into joining the ride of some huge media house, it made me understand I never want to take part in it. It doesn’t meet my ethical standards. Yet, I had to accept that I actually do take part in it since I share and want to share content on social media. The bad girl accepted the price but decided to share the awareness at least a bit. Meh.
I notice that people watching many soap operas (look at some old grannies talking to each other) tend to exaggerate simple situations. Instead of trying to find some simple solution, they go deeper into it, overwhelm themselves with the situation or the problem, and badly dramatize it. The dramatization goes further, seeing all the worst scenarios that could possibly happen. Of course, there is a noticeable lack of awareness. Yet, I believe we tend to mirror both our inner & external worlds. So, I am well careful about what I allow to influence me. And I wish others did the same.
“Sam, you can follow the hashtag on LinkedIn to see what others share in your niche! That’s great, I’ll follow it now to see what works and what other content I could write about.” my amazing friend texted me. He has more than 10 years of experience in marketing and he is an inspiration for thousands of people in what he does. I truly appreciate himselves sharing his thoughts with me of course.
“Thank you for informing me. I know about this. But I intentionally do not do it.” I replied.
First, I want to explain why following a hashtag and trends can be very beneficial. If you’re good & aware, you can quickly identify the new trends. You can check what’s been already socially accepted and implement this among your strategies. You do not have to reinvent the wheel. There’s anyway a very low chance you’d ever come up with something that’s been completely from the outside world and no one ever thought of. You can just steal the idea and implement it. Simple as that.
Now, why I do not want to do this?
I know that I will definitely not avoid this content anyway. I already follow other people communicating remote work on LinkedIn. Yes, I believe it’s good to get inspired or to identify the trends. But I am well aware that it’s far too easy to unify our production. I intentionally do not want to follow other people doing a similar thing as I do. To identify the trends, go and see what works once a week or two. Do not surround yourself with this and don’t check it three times a day. Create your own content based on the insights and then analyze retrospectively what performed the best of your production. But do not analyze this daily.
How is this connected with regular people?
You do not have to create content to see the influence. We consume the content of others. We watch their behavior and facial expressions. You scroll the memes — and I literally see people around imitating the facial expressions of the memes we know in real life. That’s scary.
It’s not different from the old grannies dramatizing that we left university, ensuring us that this way we’ll never find a job, or partner, and our life is ruined. (Thank you for seeing a bright future of mine, my dearest.)
I’d say I’m a very self-aware person. Yet, I notice the information overload is just so heavy, that I cannot escape it, no matter how I try. So, I schedule myself the offline weekends, more slots without social media, or sometimes I just delete them from my phones completely and I’m fine with it.
I notice I do not find a problem with being mindful when I’m around people. Especially when being with a partner, I do not have any urge to go and wind off by checking what’s new. I somehow do not give a damn. I know my priorities. Yet, when being physically disconnected from others, it’s just a way easier to slide back to it. So instead of testing my will, it’s just easier to remove it completely for a while and to get back into myself.
The concept of myself
Is there even any real me?
What if I am just the extract of all the influences in my life? The childhood, culture, experience, and books I read. Maybe I am just the result of society & cultural influence. I am the reflection of the content I consume and the experience I got. All this, spiced with a lot of self-reflection and deeper thoughts, formed me into being myself today. Or not?
Our ego maybe wants to hear that we’re some unique human being that wouldn’t allow being influenced. So you were born, proud of your country, or a proud taxpayer, or a proud libertarian? Were you born with your expression and your body language, or do they reflect the states that were finally influenced?
Of course, I wish I said here that I’m incredibly unique and you cannot find any such thoughts elsewhere. Yet, if you read the same books, if you followed the same people & had the same surrounding, childhood, and work experience, I am sure you’d get a very similar result. Yes, we can argue with the amount of genetic influence. But what’s core — there’s a low probability of finding the exact same mix of experience in the world.
And this is what I believe is an important spice in life. Finding where’s our place — where we feel comfortable, ourselves, the set of activities and impressions, that feels just right. Indeed, sometimes things suck. But the overall image should feel like ours. The way we perceive the events should make us feel relaxed.
As an example, I wanted to have a completely offline weekend. Yet, I’m writing this article, not because I couldn’t set my boundaries, but because it feels just right. I felt the urge to express myself, and my thoughts on the topic because I got this idea a while ago. The thoughts were somehow processed for a few days and here we go with the result of the complexity of the topic. And of course, that’s not the final stage. Yet, by bringing the thoughts to another form — on the paper or the blog — they transform. Or I can just let them go.
Why it also feels like the right place for me? To get some social acceptance, we want to share, at least partly. I was heavily closed to myself&my thoughts in the past two years of the quarantines & imposed lonely life. That even got me to the point “hey, am I just sick, or does this truly make sense?”. We need some sort of dialogue in life. It doesn’t say of course that people who respond are adequate or not. But often, our thoughts can evolve to the next level with the right people. I noticed this can be a tool helping me to grow even faster, than when I just process the thoughts in my head.
And so, additionally, I get feedback from the outside world that it’s right the way I do it. It’s not agreement or disagreement. No. It’s the acceptance. I got some messages like “I do not agree with everything you say, but I appreciate you sharing it and I accept it.” This is right. I do not need recognition. But to me, it also feels somehow well to see that little by little, I surround myself with like-minded people. Not to be in a limited social bubble. These people have their own experiences and unique perception of the world and they expand mine. I can take it or leave it. That’s enriching.
So I do something that I enjoy. I share it with people who also enjoy it. It’s voluntarily, they can leave anytime and I’ll let them go, happy, that they know what works for them. It enriches both of us.
Where do I get the inspiration then?
Maybe, inspiration is not the right word. Rather, I’d say that I mindfully choose what I want to get influenced by. I choose what I want to form me.
So, when analyzing some patterns in my life, I’ve noticed that certain things helped me grow unexceptionally faster than anything else. I try to bring more attention to them and spend more time on them, naturally.
What helps me grow unexceptionally faster than anything else:
- Travels — new environment = new perspectives
- Books — reading the immortal thoughts
- Undistracted time to process the thoughts:
A. Alone time — long walks, run/workout, swimming/ and activity alone where you’re not distracted
B. Dialogue — evolving the thoughts with someone adequate
C. Journaling — start writing and the thoughts evolve themselves
I’d say that for me blogging (or how else to call it in today's world) is a form of journaling. I sit down and write down my flow of thoughts, enjoy the process, go deeper & share it. Again, it’s something truly mine and I feel it.
Anyway, the point is, that I am well aware of what kind of influence I let have an impact on me. For example, travels are not just about the new environment.
It’s also about the environment we already are in. I believe many people stay in places they do not enjoy much, but they escape on holidays and the weekends. Yes, I tended to believe that it doesn’t matter where I live because I spend time either alone or with my people, a social circle I’ve chosen. But yet, those moments of being unintentionally surrounded by the society or culture that we do not enjoy, of course, influence us. (I wrote a few more words on the influence here and about the cultural environment influence here.)
So, all these things I consume and surround myself with, influence me. And of course, my thoughts, my perception, my awareness. Yet, these are the product of the written above. Like I wouldn’t know about the plasticity of our brain without reading about it.
Why I’m not afraid of competition
As I’ve explained, I believe we are the product of the influences we met in our lives. I do not truly believe that there would be another person in the world having exactly the same conditions as I did. And, to make sure about this, I keep mindfully redefining who I am, growing, improving, and working on myself (Sometimes maybe far too much.).
I reduce the influence of others. I do not seek inspiration in the posts of other people. I do not spend hours learning the personality of others doing something similar as I do. Instead, I spend hours expanding my personality. I choose mindfully my influence. I spend a lot of time reading books, which also improves my focus. I truly enjoy reading again and I strive to read one book a week. Sometimes it’s half of the book, sometimes it means three books.
Instead of working by pushing myself, I build my willpower & habits. And, I work through relaxation. Simple explanation — think of the last time you were stressed and anxious. What was your work result like? And when you were relaxed, slept well? Plus, of course, another ton of awareness. If I know I do not feel right, I just cancel everything, return to myself, order khachapuri, and go to sleep. And it’s alright. Instead of punishing myself, I learn to accept myself.
I identify when I work at my best and I just do the thing. For me, all this is some sort of self-expression. I found something that feels like play. I bring myself into it. And of course, I am fully accountable and responsible for what I do and I show the world that I stand by my words.
So, you may say that there are other people creating content about remote work. Yes, but then you didn’t understand my perspective. For me, it’s remote work through my experience. It’s remote work raw, the way it is, with the good and the bad. It’s remote work that enables you to broaden your opportunities in life. It’s the lifestyle you embody or don’t. It’s a way to rethink your life, to ask yourself what works for you and what does not. It’s a lot about freeing ourselves from the expectations of others and our own. There’s a lot of philosophy and aesthetics in what I do that is special to me.
And because I am what I write and do, I know, that no one can ever copy-paste it. Because again, I keep redefining who I am.
How I got rid of the fear of death
I find it pretty funny how I got this idea actually, so let me share with you my thoughts flow. I walked Krakow a few weeks ago. I am not religious, but I enjoy going to church for some reason. And while walking down the street toward one basilica, I noticed one writing. It was a quotation from some Mother Superior and the thought was something like “despite I’ll be gone, I know that my words will stay in the mind of others.”
Brilliant and so simple.
At that moment, I interconnected the thoughts of other philosophies I read. I’ve understood the importance of teaching and mentorship. But mainly, of the ultimate self-expression that can reach thousands in today's conditions with social media. Also, another similar concept might be the idea of the world as a constant motion and transformation. We’re nature — coming from nature and returning back to it. And, our thoughts are just some by-product of the transformation and the process. They may transform someone else, or not.
В каждом наброске, в каждом черновике,
Учитель продолжается в своем ученике.
In every sketch, in every draft,
The teacher prolongs through his student.
I played this song on a guitar (Basta — Sansara) before I started writing this article. A simple association took me back to the walk in Krakow and I’ve realized I want to express all these thoughts because they might inspire others to rethink this concept themselves.
Of course, this shouldn’t be a fanatic want-to-influence. I see it as an opportunity. For me, it’s giving people a chance to see into our minds, and adapting the thoughts to their own life. It’s a chance to inspire others, not a condition. I believe it should be a voluntary concept, always.
I think it’s a sort of overcoming ourselves. Expanding ourselves through the minds of others. I wrote down in my notes the following:
Overcoming oneself
No fear of death by ‘prolonging’ oneself. Sharing meaningful philosophy and spreading through thoughts.
and also in other words later,
Spread oneself as an ultimate goal, mainly through thoughts and philosophy. Overcoming owns fear of death.
And also back to the authenticity notes:
Authenticity. If you live it, it cannot go wrong, it is you. Relax and dig deeper into who you are.
So all this journey for me now be:
- Be yourself, redefine it constantly, and be aware of what forms you.
- Self-express and allow others to get to your thoughts.
What’s yours?
As always, I’ll be incredibly grateful for your thoughts.
With love,
Sam
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