How did I regain my focus? | Rethinking the attention.
If you try to regain your focus, I want to congratulate you. You already have the focus. However, since you read this article, I am afraid, you bring your attention (or, ‘awareness, focus’) on what you don’t want to.
Rather than particular steps, I’ll share with you a better approach for your attention. The way you think about yourself and what you value is much more important than if you do a checklist. It’s more about rethinking the whole idea from the roots, than following some points. Waking up at 5 AM won’t make you a better human being, but you can feel better about it. So is this — just turning off the notifications won’t increase your focus like a magic wand. 🪄
The way you think about yourself and what you value is much more important than if you got some checklist done.
To get a better understanding of myself, I will mention that to me it’s pretty easy to get disciplined. It’s a form of running away from myself and my emotions. However, in the past months, I often felt overwhelmed, without the attention on what I wanted, with a lack of time for myself and my favorite activities. So, I wanted to fix it and decided to share with you what worked for me. I, myself, have turned off all the notifications, for the past 4 years.
What is the focus?
By focus, I suppose we talk about being able to concentrate on some given thing. That is, in other words, the ability to guide our attention towards what we want. And this, aware approach to our thoughts and attention, is something we can improve. Increasing the time you can focus on something particular, is called the attention span.
I think one of the most game-changing ideas in my life (that retrospectively seems so obvious to me) is that we can decide on what we think about. This is, in the end, the whole point of meditation, or, if you want, mindfulness.
Meditations — the practice of the awareness
When you start practicing meditation and you go with some guided option (like some popular applications), you learn to bring your attention to things like your breath, or body. You practice mindfully relaxing your body, or breathing deeply. This exercise is simply about practicing to bring your attention to what you want.
No matter how simple it sounds, you keep getting distracted by other thoughts — your worries, work, troubles. Over time you learn to accept them and improve yourself in the awareness guidance.
With attention to the present moment, you learn to welcome that the thoughts come and go. Same, as the water flows, or the sounds come unexpectedly and then leave. You don’t guide them. You accept them. And, you don’t have to get obsessed with everything that’s out there. Leaving it to go, is just fine (and freeing).
You can decide on what you bring your attention to. As mentioned in my favorite guided meditation (and anxiety healing) app Sanvello: “When you’re studying, you’re studying.”. Does your mind keep chattering when you’re reading a book? That’s normal. Just reply to it that now you’re reading. It can keep chattering later. And of course, repeat with work, sex, or anything else you wanna get focused on. Take your time and accept yourself. You get better as you practice.
How to get rid of distractions?
No matter how hard you try or how strong is your will power, if you are in a distractive environment, you will fail. Maybe you’ll stand still as you begin. However, over time, with increased tiredness, it gets much easier to end up scrolling the feed instead of just getting the work done.
As Tim Ferris puts it — in an empty room where’s only your work to be done, you don’t have any other choice than to do the work.
It’s the same as going on a diet but buying home the sweets. Don’t do it. Once you’re stressed, worried, or tired, it’s much easier to weaken your willpower and go eat it. Then, you feel like a failure which causes additional stress. You got in a loop yourself.
A few thoughts on the willpower
Willpower and discipline are great. It works when you’re relaxed. If you try to get things done, the best is to just get just something done. A little thing. Then you’re on the flow of the dopamine from the tasks done and you’re good to go with another one (but be aware of not doing the BS tasks while avoiding what you really gotta do).
Action creates inspiration and that drives motivation. It’s a loop. You don’t need the motivation to do action. You can use the action to act later on what’s needed.
Now, let’s go back to the distractions. First, I will cover the importance of the environment, and then the tools we are using (and how we actually stand in our own way).
Environment you love
Marie Kondo teaches people about cleaning and decluttering, at the first sight. In fact, she educates us about the philosophy to be surrounded by only things we love. She makes her clients sort out their things like this: pick everything you have at home with both of your hands (mindfully) and ask yourself ‘Does it bring me joy?’
Everything, that doesn’t bring joy, goes away. I’d say — apply to everything in life. Sadly, of course, I know it’s not as simple as it sounds, but it’s totally worth it.
I’d also ask differently and evolve this idea — why should you be surrounded by something you don’t like? To keep the clothing reminding you that you don’t fit into it? Why should you keep the packages for later or move, while not moving for 5+ years? Why should you look every day at something that brings you harmful memories?
Next: Why should you spend your time at a job you don’t like? Your life among people you don’t enjoy talking to? In a country you hate? In the office that sucks? (I wrote about why I couldn’t go back to the office here.) Time with a partner you don’t love but you’re only comfortable being around? Doing activities that don’t bring joy or any long-term real gain you want?
I write a lot about remote work at the first sight. In fact, I tell people to live life at their best. So, maybe, what you’re trying to bring your attention to — is it something that you really wanna do?
The point is also this — if you do something you genuinely enjoy, you kinda know that it’d be stupid not to do it. Especially mindfully.
Back to the attention:
Why would you bring attention to something you don’t want? Why would you think about the gossip? The colleagues you don’t like? The worries? Future events you cannot predict their outcome? Worst possible scenarios? News?
Bearing all this in mind, I will now ask again vice-versa.
What do you want to bring attention to?
What do you want your mind to be occupied by? What do you want to think about? This also mean — how do you want to spend your time? What makes you happy? What do you want?
“You become what you give your attention to. If you yourself don’t choose what thoughts and images you expose yourself to, someone else will … and their motives may not be the highest.”
- Epictetus
All this is just a matter of your awareness, decision-making, and accepting the responsibility for where your focus goes. Most likely, it seems a bit obvious and straightforward right now. That’s great. It means it was clear. Don’t beat yourself for overseeing it in the past — it seems easy from the current point of view and you just had to get to it.
Considering the environment, the idea is this — being surrounded by what and who you want, getting rid of what and who you don’t enjoy is right. But, if you need to do the job, surround yourself with the job. If you need to talk to your partner, don’t bring your phone with you. Going for a mindful walk to wind off? You don’t need the Slack notifications I guess.
Simplicity. One thing at a time. (I’ll get to it as a practice later.)
Now let’s look at how we intentionally stay in our own way.
Get out of your own way
Trying to finish your work with your phone next to you? Good luck. Going on a date while having the notifications on? A bit annoying, isn’t it? Falling asleep while keep waking up to read the newest updates, news, or messages? Just because you got used to this habit — it’s been always like this — you may don’t even realize how sick is it.
You stand in your own way.
It’s you who brings it with you. Just like don’t buy sweets if you want to lose weight (of course, that’s not the whole thing, but you get me), then don’t take the distractions with you. Don’t bring them into your life. Get rid of them. Let me share with you how I resolved this lately.
In April in Bangkok, I bought a second iPhone. I wanted to migrate to it because my first one has a broken screen and I was afraid that it might stop working. Then, I thought, that the first one is still fine, so the second one will be a great backup. Of course, I didn’t migrate everything yet (I know I had for it full 4 months).
However, I figured out, that I can download only certain applications to one of the iPhones and remove the remaining on the second one. So, I use my new iPhone to take photos and to have an Instagram on it. But — it doesn’t have a SIM card, so I cannot use the internet unless on WiFi. It gives me much more space to make sure I am truly aware of when I am using Instagram. Also, I don’t have to take it with me and I can keep taking photos with my old iPhone. Later, once online, the photos sync via iCloud.
So now, I have two phones. One with that app that took my time pointlessly. Second, without. But I got even a better upgrade to this:
For the sake of inspiration, we love to follow our favorite motivators, mentors, speakers, fitness profiles, educative profiles, etc. on social media. Check your screen time per day, count it for a week, and a month now. Is the price of that much time worth the knowledge you get? (and I don’t talk about the amusement profiles, but totally accept you don’t wanna have fun with your friends IRL or flatmate) If you keep arguing with the inspiration, I’ll tell you to seek it in within yourself. Only action gives you the best feedback, too.
In the evening, when I open Instagram, I am tired. I try to add some stories, but it’s much easier for me to end up scrolling without thinking about it. Solution? Unfollow everything or at least most of the things. I went from following 700+ interesting accounts, to 46 accounts. Next, I muted both the stories and the posts of 90% of these 46 accounts. Result? I open my Instagram and there are the stories of 2 of my friends and 1 new post. It’s boring. So I leave.
It’s something like an MFA (multi-factor authentication), for my own focus direction. This way, I know that I decrease the odds to end up scrolling on Instagram, because:
- I don’t have Instagram on my major phone,
- I do not take the second phone with me,
- Even if I took it with me, it doesn’t have internet,
- Even if it had internet (or once I reconnect), there’s nothing interesting in the feed.
Of course, I still can go and intentionally visit profiles of my friends or commercial profiles I am interested in. BUT, the screen time logically seriously drops from the long-term perspective. Doing things in bulk is much less time-consuming than jumping from one to another. Your unconscious scrolling is wasting much more time per week than intentionally checking what your friends are doing once a week for 20 minutes. You get more value for less time.
Get more value for less time.
An amazing side effect of this is that you will notice how much is your time worth. I am honestly likely annoyed that I kinda should share some stories (I create content), reply to the messages, and spend time on those hellish apps. I rather focus on creating the content outside of the apps, and then I just copy-paste it, or I schedule it for later. I get out of my own way. I free myself from it.
Limiting the time doesn’t work
I used to have limited time for particular apps on my iPhone. However, it ended up like when you’re postponing your alarm when you’re anxious. I had some 20 or 30 minutes to check LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook (which I almost don’t use). However, especially when tired, when I got the notice that “I used my 30 minutes”, it just became a habit to postpone the limit. And again, and again. So, from a long-term perspective, it didn’t work.
Maybe, if you only have something that truly locks your phone, then that’s an option. Or, you can just turn off the phone completely. But then, I want to check the maps or take some photos, and it’s more annoying doing things I really need to do. So rather, the best option seems to me just to remove the apps from the phone. Or, as I described above — figuring out some balance that will prevent you from wasting your time on it even when your willpower drops.
Doing one thing at a time
If you want to increase your attention span, then doing one thing at a time is great practice. But, as an amazing side effect, it also improves your current experience as well.
“Where else should you be right now when you live this precious moment?” Enjoying the food while thinking about what to do after it? Have sex while thinking about the work deadline? Reading the book while being busy with your goals? Walking while being stuck in the past?
Of course, certain activities are great for actually processing what’s happening. I love thinking about stuff during a long run or walk. After a while, the mind stops chattering. It’s important to enjoy some undistracted solitude to get aware of certain situations. I notice many people run away from the undistracted solitude because facing what’s going on feels too overwhelming. However, this is not the case I want to cover today.
Second, you may actually have many interesting ideas. This is often happening to me. So, I have a years-long practice of writing down everything. At the time of writing, I have 1719 notes on my iPhone. It’s full of reflections, ideas, goals, a shopping list, everything. I know that when it’s written, it can be forgotten. I don’t have to keep bringing my attention to it. Yet, my current aim is to accept that I don’t have to implement everything. I don’t have to make happen each idea I have. I don’t have to write down every single point. So I notice the thought and let it go.
Third, it’s often best to do the thing that must be done. We tend to have stronger emotions about possible future events than we really have when the event is happening. You may feel anxious about your work task, overthink it for 3 days, and then finish it in 10 minutes. Yet, we cannot be everywhere at once. So, this is more about prioritization. What helps out in this case — I write down everything I gotta do. Then I split it into little steps. Then I set the priorities. And I don’t shy away from deciding what I won’t do.
The aim is, however, no matter what you do, then do one thing at a time. Free yourself from your mind. I used to repeat to myself endlessly ‘here and now’ every time I caught myself thinking about something else.
Brushing teeth? Then don’t check the messages. Eating? Don’t read the news. Look, I used to have the ‘multitasking lover’ description on LinkedIn. It took me a couple of years to fully understand the fruits of flow, deep work, and the present moment.
Multitasking makes you feel important, ‘cos you got so much to do and you’re busy. That’s a status thing. Ego stuff. Mature over this. Focus on creating authentic value. You don’t wanna have too much to do. You wanna have the right things to do. Declutter your environment, mind, home, and tasks. We’re the society saying yes to everything. Buy now. Proceed. One-click away. Learn to say no. What do you really wanna do? And focus on?
There are also certain more time-consuming activities that require additional attention. While practicing them, you increase your attention span. I love writing — not only because I love the process itself, but because it provides additional clarity.
If you don’t know how to formulate your ideas, you’re not much sure about them. So I start writing and I just get there. I reformulate my thoughts over and over again to express them the way I actually want. Beautiful. No bullshitting around.
I don’t like empty small talk. Writing is clear — you either say what you want or not. If that’s trash, no one reads you. Cheers. A bonus point is that you cannot write well if you’re constantly disturbed by something else. It requires an additional effort from you to get focused on it, without doing anything else at the same time. The extra reward is a better attention span.
Reading is also great. It forces you to keep your attention on words for a longer period of time. At first, it’s not easy, but with practice, you improve. Also, aiming to read faster may help you to truly focus. on. that. damn. book.
Jim Kwik in his Limitless compares this to driving fast. When you drive fast, you have to really focus on the road only, otherwise, you’re dead. You cannot think about what you do next. By reading faster you force yourself to focus on that text ahead of you.
Did you catch yourself thinking about something else? No worries. “I am reading now and will be thinking about this later, not now.” this may be the right phrase to practice your control over your mind and redirect your attention. It may sound silly now, but you’ll thank me later. If you need an additional kick into reading, I got for you this:
Researchers have proved that reading improves your focus abilities. Reading books stimulates the prefrontal cortex; the area of the brain that affects concentration and attention among other things. Reading for 30 minutes daily can help in improving your focus, attention span, and memory.
Sleep — recharging matters
Shortly (it’s obvious, while worth repeating even to me). If you ever sleep well, you get this point right away. Yet, just to be sure: tell me how you act when you sleep a little, or you do not recharge regularly. How’s your focus? How do you interact with others? How are your work results?
Now, put it vice-versa: you are recharged, and relaxed, after a massage and a 9-hour sleep. *Everything* feels just more effortless because it is. The body either runs on a low-energy regime or not. Get some rest. Regularly. And relax. (I write more about the correlation between relaxation and authenticity here. It’s a master skill.)
‘Focus and relax.’
- My Thai box teacher in Bangkok. (Like if anything else mattered.)
Conclusion
The ‘focus problems’ are actually the ‘awareness problems’. Becoming aware, and mindful about what’s happening around and in within us, leads to better performance and perception. If you want to live a better life, then get a better awareness.
With love,
Sam
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