The most important thing to upkeep a RELATIONSHIP

Many years ago, a formula was invented. The scientist thought of it as a game-changer in the market. He was not wrong either. No such formula had ever been invented, no such idea had ever been thought of either. He reported his discovery to the R&D wing of his company. Even the management got excited when they got to know about the formula. They got intrigued to launch a new product soon using the newly invented formula. Full energy was propelled upon to make that a “product of the decade”. Later in the year, the product was finally launched in the market.

It was a spray, capable of vanishing the bad odor, altogether. It was earnestly marketed as a solution to bad odor. Removal of any unwanted stinking smell was just a few splashes away. It could be applied anywhere, on clothes, carpets, living room, garage, kitchen appliances or wherever.

But, opposite to what was expected, the product didn’t create the hype as anticipated, in the market. Although initially, people liked the concept and the product, the demand was not encouraging for the company and gradually, started heading southwards. The product was not appealing to the public. It was a big setback for management. Having said that, they did not have the answer to why the product was not working.

***

It is 02:30 in the afternoon. Sachin is staring at the screen of its phone. Maybe he is waiting for its screen to blink, on its own. It’s been more than a month, he has stopped getting messages from his wife exactly at 2:15–2:20 enquiring whether he has taken his lunch. Things have changed now. Their communication has more turned into a mechanical one. The same set of fixed talks, same routine. It was not like that earlier. Sachin and his wife, Meghna met in college, fell in love. They were such a great couple that may even make Romeo & Juliet put to jealousy.

They landed onto jobs after college and eventually got married. But then, family responsibilities, career, work, all those things started eating up most of the spaces of their minds. They were now more focused on the EMIs, their kid’s school fees, paying bills. They forgot there was a life beyond paying EMIs and Bills. The void in the relationship was increasing gradually and reached at this point of life now, where they are in a relationship but the ship of the relation is sailing by all but love.

Sachin, sitting in his desk, is gazing at the never-ending motion of dials of the clock and recalling his past glorious memories with his wife. The way he is staring at his phone, it is not difficult to understand that he is in a state of ineffable melancholy. The more he ponders the more he loses his sane. Though he’s been fulfilling all his obligations towards the relationship; though he cares; though he respects, yet he is at such a perplexing state where everything seems to be ceased. He wants to bring the warmth of affection back in the frosty relationship. But he is clueless where the problem lies.

***

The board called an urgent meeting to discuss the fate of the product they launched with great enthusiasm. Management delved into the reasons but could not come to any conclusion. Finally, they decided to give it one more shot. They decided to bring the product to the market again but after assessing the feedback from its users, or once they were. A research team was constituted to identify its reasons for failure. In the investigation, it was found that there were no shortcomings in the product, it was working fine and was serving the purpose it was created for. But the product could not create the crave in the mind of the people to use it frequently, why, because they were not getting a feel-good satisfaction after using it. The company got its answer. It was not just about the foul smell a consumer wanted to get rid of. There was a need to create a craving in people’s mind, there should be something extra in the product, there should be some fragrance in the spray that develops a yearning in the mind and makes them realize the product was working. This is how today’s room freshener came into existence.

***

It is a human tendency. We do anything to get a reward. We follow a routine while noticing any cue, to get a reward. Like while traveling, when we notice a person who is in more need to be seated, we offer our seat to help, by doing so we get a feeling of satisfaction. (Here cue was a needy person). Human behavior drives by his habits. We only crave those things which give us some rewards.

Also read: How habits impact our behavior.

In the earlier example, it must be seen that once people started getting the reward of fragrance while sprinkling spray on anything, to remove the unwanted odor, it created a craving in people’s minds that made them use it again. Then a loop began and using room freshener became their habit. The product, nowadays knows as ‘Room Freshener’, was a big hit then and even today, it’s been in everyone’s grocery list.

The same is needed in upkeeping any relationship. There is a need to make our love, affection, care a matter of habit. If we love someone, why can’t we keep saying to them that they are an integral part of our lives? Why can’t we thank our colleagues regularly to maintain a cordial relationship with them? Why can’t we praise our subordinates more often than not, to keep motivating them? These are the small rewards that everyone craves for. A bit of recognition, a bit of care, a bit of elegant touch, a bit of respect, all that is needed. The most important part, we should always remain kind to others.

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind.” — Henry James

Let’s take another example, of a toothpaste. The product was developed to remove the pale film that gets accumulated over teeth and to avert from any decay problem. But toothpaste companies by keeping people’s tendency in their mind, mix it up with ingredients to give a tingling sensation while brushing. It gives the feeling that yes, toothpaste is working, people start craving for the tingling sensation and habit of brushing teeth emerges.

***

The very point is missing in the relationship between Sachin and Meghna. Although they are doing everything correctly and there is no strain in the relationship. Still, that fragrance of room freshener and that tingling sensation of the toothpaste is missing in their relationship. For making a relationship, happening, a fragrance of affection, a tingling sensation of attention is needed to let the other one know that yes it works. Loving a person is fine but making them feel loved is equally important.

Life is too short to love. Remember,

“The only thing we never get enough of is love, and the only thing we never give enough of is love.” — Henry Miller

PS: This post is dedicated to my loving wife, not because I am henpecked but because through this one, I want to let her know that I love her and will never let the fragrance out of our relationship.

Thanks for reading :)