Misty Rose: Nature
Chapter 28
When we got back, Ferret was already inside. Even though we’d locked the doors. Someday I was going to have to have a talk with him about that. There’s stuff two girls living together do that guys shouldn’t see, and if he kept just letting himself in, he was going to walk in on it eventually. If nothing else, guys don’t handle knowing what girls really think about them very well. But this time it wasn’t a big deal. Well, except how it showed the locks on our door weren’t good enough.
“Hey, Ferret,” I said. “Let yourself in again, I see.”
Ferret ignored that. “Hey,” he said. “What’s the big thing you had to tell me?”
“Not done thinkin’ all of it through,” I said. “But for right now, you’re gonna put my bed back down so I can use it if I want.”
“You said we could move it,” Kaitlyn said, closing the door behind her.
“Uh huh,” I said. “And now I’m sayin’ you’re gonna put it back.”
“Why?” Kaitlyn said. “You sleep in the closet.”
“But I use it when we’re hangin’ out,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “So I want you to put it back. Unless you want me in your bed while you’re there too.”
Kaitlyn and Ferret usually race to come up with something dirty to say when I say things like that. This time, Ferret won. “Is this something I can get in on too?”
“No,” I said. I didn’t really mind the jokes that much, but me playing like I’m mad is part of the game. Pretty sure they wouldn’t do it if I didn’t play along. Kaitlyn stuck her tongue out at me. I responded by folding my arms and raising an eyebrow at her.
“Oh, fine,” Kaitlyn said. “But you didn’t think about where we’re putting the TV.”
“Don’t care,” I shrugged and leaned against the wall. “Move things around.”
“You’re not going to help?” Ferret asked.
“Nope,” I said. “Go on, get movin’. I don’t wanna spend all night doin’ this.”
Eventually, they figured out they could put the jumbotron against the wall more or less where it already was if they moved a few things around, and I got my bed back. They had to push my bed right up next to Kaitlyn’s instead of having space between them like before, but I could put up with that. It meant I actually had a bed. Oh, and I say they, but it was mostly Ferret because he’s crazy strong, with Kaitlyn mostly steering because our furniture was still awkward to move. I supervised, but I did my part by finding the tape measure we’d used to figure out where to put everything when we moved in. When everything was settled, we sat down to hang out and talk for a little while.
“So, why’d you really want your bed back?” Ferret asked eventually.
“I talked to Father Riggs,” I said and shrugged.
“He told you to get your bed back?” Kaitlyn asked.
“No, he said it helps me stay human to have a human bed,” I said. “Even if I sleep in the closet. And I figure tryin’ to stay human helps both of us.” I poked Kaitlyn in the stomach.
“What else did the Father say?” Ferret asked me.
“Lotsa stuff,” I said. “But I gotta think on some of it, and it’s gonna take some time. But I’ll let you both know when I’ve got it all taken care of. I promise.”
“At least give us a hint,” Kaitlyn said, poking me back.
“Nope,” I said. “It’s a surprise. And now I’m gonna go waste the hot water. And before you ask, no, neither of you get to help me.” Then I picked up my robe and went to the bathroom to take a long shower. Long enough that Kaitlyn yelled through the door that Ferret was going home, then later that she was going to sleep. Yeah, maybe it was kind of a dick move when we had company, but I needed time to think still, and supervising people moving furniture is hard work. Mostly I was thinking about all the little things I didn’t like about being a vampire, and ways I could maybe fix them. Or at least make things better. Came up with some okay ideas, stuff I thought would help.
When I woke up the next night, Kaitlyn wasn’t home yet. I texted her and she said she’d be gone for a little while, so I bummed around for half an hour, then decided I could at least go out and do something about one of my problems. So I got dressed and stopped to chat with our landlady, Mrs. MacMillan, who was basically the stereotype of the sweet old grandma, even if her corgi hated me. Then I walked over to the nearest all night hardware store because I needed to buy some stuff.
Specifically, I needed black paint and a brush and some other stuff. I had no clue what to get, so I asked one of the guys working there for help, which got me patronized because I was a girl who was trying to do home improvement. Happens a lot when you’re an attractive blond. That lasted until I told him I was painting things black because life was empty and pointless and a bunch of other bullshit I basically read off some goth poetry site I found on my phone while he was trying to impress me with his knowledge of manly house project stuff. Then I took everything home again and got started.
I was about halfway done when Kaitlyn got home. She let herself in and started walking towards the kitchen, but then looked at me and stopped. “Uh… what’re you doing?” she asked.
I stopped too and looked at her, then at what I’d been working on. “Paintin’ the windows black, what’s it look like?” I said. I’d taken down both blankets that Kaitlyn had tacked up over the windows and was using the paint I’d bought to put a thick coat both windows.
“Why?” Kaitlyn asked.
“When this dries, I’m gonna put on another coat,” I said, ignoring her. “Then I’m gonna keep doin’ that until I use up the whole gallon.”
“Okay, but why?”
“Then when that’s done, I’m gonna cut up that plastic stuff to cover the windows,” I went on. I’d also bought some black plastic sheeting stuff and a staple gun, because after I used the plastic to keep paint off our beds and the floor, I was going to staple it over the windows. Of course, I had way more of the plastic than I needed for just drop cloths or whatever, so I’d covered way more than just under the windows. Which turned out to be a good idea because apparently I’m a really messy painter. I got black paint all over myself and the plastic, but that didn’t count.
“Okay, but why?” Kaitlyn said again. “And what’s with the outfit?”
I looked down at myself. I didn’t really have any old clothes to wear for painting because all of my old stuff had been ruined by my feeding habits and thrown out by then. So I was… wearing the black halter top and booty shorts. Paint comes off skin easier than cloth, and black paint just sits on top of black leather, so there’s ways to get it off. “Paint mess,” I said. “Easier to clean this way.”
“Okay. Does that paint come out of hair?”
“What?” I dropped my brush and went into the bathroom. Yep, I had paint in my hair too. Which was great. But I could get that out too. Or just cut it out. It’d grow back by tomorrow.
“Don’t touch anything,” Kaitlyn said from the other room. “You’ve got paint all over.”
“I know, I know,” I said, going back out. “I didn’t get any paint on anything else.”
Kaitlyn walked over and put her stuff down on the kitchen counter. Guess she’d gone grocery shopping or something. Not a lot, but it was better than an empty fridge. “So…” she said. “Why’re you painting the windows black?”
“Sunlight,” I said. “Black paint blocks the sun from gettin’ in.”
“Uh huh,” Kaitlyn said. “Is paint the best idea?”
“Prob’ly not. But it’s cheaper, and I figure it’d be better to look like some dumb kid who’s goin’ through a goth phase than an actual vampire and I don’t like how foil looks on windows.”
Kaitlyn thought about that a moment or two while I went back to painting. “Okay,” she said. “What’s the landlady gonna think about this?”
“Oh, I already asked,” I said. “Mrs. MacMillan doesn’t mind.”
“Really?”
“Yep,” I said. “Actually, I started out askin’ her about the pole you had put in. Wanted to know if we were breakin’ our lease with that thing. She said it’s fine, long as it’s safe and we either fix it if we move out or give up our security deposit. Same with the windows or whatever.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. She saw you and Mike and some other guy bringin’ it in, she said. I told her the pole was your idea, and for some reason, she decided it’s you that’s usin’ the pole to practice. Funny, right?” I glanced over at Kaitlyn, who now had a sort of pained look on her face. Mrs. MacMillan was nice, but definitely had the grandmother thing where they like to say they really shouldn’t in public. I kept painting but decided to keep poking at her.
“She said she’s fine with you practicin’ but she’s not responsible if you get hurt,” I said. “She also said it’s okay to practice but she doesn’t want you invitin’ guys over for performances.”
“Okay…” Kaitlyn said, looking even less comfortable. Serves her right.
“Oh, and she used to be a stripper when she was younger. Did you know that?” Speaking of things you shouldn’t say in public, a seventy year old woman talking about having been a stripper would count. But she was a nice old lady, so I got over it.
“Uh… no.”
“That’s what she said. Said she met her late husband, may he rest in peace, at a club she was working at during her early twenties. They got married, she went into real estate, and… yeah. She said she knows that some young ladies these days do pole work for exercise, and she’s glad to see you’re takin’ an interest, because you’ve been lookin’ a little chubby lately.” Pretty sure the neighbors heard that one, too. If they were home. Me and Kaitlyn really hadn’t met any of the people living in the other apartments, so I had no idea what they were like.
“Um…”
“She said she’s prob’ly gonna drop by with some pointers for you from when she was still workin’ in the clubs, so you might wanna practice in case she wants to see how good you are.”
At this point, Kaitlyn wasn’t saying anything. Just standing there with a pained face.
“She’s also cool with the painted windows. Said her daughter went through a goth phase, so she totally understands. Same deal, if it isn’t fixed, security deposit is hers. I think that’s fair.”
Still no response from Kaitlyn.
“Mrs. MacMillan is a nice old lady, isn’t she?”
Still nothing.
“I figured we could get your brother to do it. Fix the windows and take out the pole when we move. Honest work might be good for him.”
Kaitlyn narrowed her eyes at me, so I figured I didn’t have much time before she shot back.
“It’s okay to say things,” I said. “Really, any time is fine.”
“You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that?”
“Why, Kaitlyn,” I said, giving her an innocent face. “Whatever do you mean?”
“All that… stuff,” Kaitlyn said.
I shrugged and went back to painting. “Payback’s the bitch, not me,” I said. After that, Kaitlyn spent some time sulking while I waited to put another coat of paint on the windows. She could be like that sometimes, but usually only when I caught her off guard like I did. She’d sulk for a little while, at least until she’d come up with a way to get me back for getting her back. But it never got bad, and we’d never really get mad at each other, so it would work out. I spent her sulking time looking up some other things I’d decided I wanted to look into while I was thinking and painting. For whatever reason, it seems like I think better when I’m doing something with my hands. I also spent some time in the shower trying to get the paint out of my hair. Ended up just cutting it out, so I guess it was best Kaitlyn had fallen asleep by the time I got out again. Which sort of bugged me, I mean, changing a hairstyle is kind of a big deal, you know? I’d just been pulling it back into a ponytail lately because it kept my hair out of my face so I didn’t really think about my hair, but for some reason, I hadn’t done the ponytail thing when I started painting the windows. Maybe I’d have remembered the ponytail if I was also wearing boots and a couple of pistols. So I got a bunch of paint in my hair. It’s only shoulder length, but my hair’s got this annoying habit of getting into literally everything if I’m not just sitting around looking pretty. Which gives it split ends, which I talked about, though it only had the one now because being a vampire reset my hair every day while I was dead. But I still didn’t need Kaitlyn commenting on what my hair looked like because I cut the paint out, so yeah, probably best she was asleep. I tucked her in better and went back to looking up stuff. Ended up taking until dawn to figure everything out, but I went to sleep all set up for the surprise I was going to pull.
The next night my hair had grown back because that’s what vampire hair does. Kaitlyn was home, which was good because I had to borrow her scooter. She wanted to come along, or at least get some hints what I was planning, but I didn’t play along this time. One of the things I figured I needed to work on was not being so much of a doormat. Putting my foot down when there was something I thought would help remind me about human stuff. Like the bed, for one. It might seem like a little thing, but… when you got a crazy vampire thing in your head and you got to wander around at night looking for criminals so you can beat them up and drink their blood, the little shit gets real important. I wasn’t going to let myself end up like the crazy Savages. Not when I knew people like Father Riggs.
Took me most of an hour to get to where I was headed, so the place was almost closed, but I’d already warned the people I was going there to talk to that I’d need to turn up pretty late and, well… let’s just say I’d managed to turn my having to be up at night into an advantage. Then to be nice, I filled up Kaitlyn’s gas tank. While I was waiting for the tank to fill, I texted Ferret to tell him I had something important to tell them. Didn’t tell Kaitlyn, though. I figured that if Ferret let himself in and saw her sitting around in her underwear, it’d serve her right.
When I got home, both Ferret and Kaitlyn were waiting for me. I didn’t say anything about where I’d been, and I could see both of them looking at the bag I came in with. I’d brought along the paper bag I’d gotten from The Dungeon, which I’d taken because it’d fuck with Kaitlyn and Ferret. It had The Dungeon printed on the side in great big letters, and knowing the way they thought, they’d probably think I’d gone to a BDSM store. Which was just fine because it’d hide what I’d actually done. I also didn’t answer any questions and took my time before telling them anything. By about half an hour from when I got home, they were whispering to each other, trying to figure out what I was going to say.
I let them whisper for a few minutes, then went and stood in front of them both. “Alright,” I said. “I’ve got an announcement for you two. And it’s important.”
“You took the dancer job?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Can I talk please?” I sighed. “I got stuff to say before I actually announce anythin’.”
“Okay, fine,” Kaitlyn said.
“Thanks. So… I’ve been thinkin’…”
“That’s dangerous,” Ferret said.
I rolled my eyes. “I can just not tell you, y’know.”
“Sorry, we’ll be quiet,” Ferret said.
“Speak for yourself,” Kaitlyn told him.
“Anyway, I’ve been thinkin’. About stuff that Pops said, and Father Riggs said. And you too, Ferret, though I’m startin’ to think I should just ignore you most of the time.” I grinned at Ferret when I said that, though, in case he thought I was serious.
“Love you too,” Ferret said, grinning back.
“So… things have been pretty shitty lately,” I went on. “Gettin’ turned into a vampire, losin’ my day job, gettin’ attacked by assholes, dealin’ with weirdos and creeps…”
“Gee, thanks,” Ferret said.
“Not you,” I said. “You’re the good kinda weirdo, Ferret. Anyway, Pops and Father Riggs both said… that I don’t hafta be what life is makin’ me be. I don’t hafta… be a monster. Get mixed up in things just ’cause I’m not human. And I don’t hafta go for the easy answer just ’cause it’s somethin’ I can do as a vampire. Like the stripper job. Just ’cause it’d be easy to do as a vampire doesn’t mean I hafta do it. Same with shoppin’ and stuff, ’cause there’s places I can go for a lotta the stuff I need, and the rest I can order off Amazon like a civilized person instead of… havin’ it fall off the back of a truck. Thanks to Ferret for that one.”
Ferret just grinned at me.
“And both of ’em have talked about stayin’ human even while bein’ a vampire,” I said. “How to… adjust. To keep my head on straight, y’know? So I decided to… think about things like I’m a human. How a human’d deal with things.”
“Okay,” Kaitlyn said. “But humans don’t die if they go out in the sun.”
“No,” I said. “But not bein’ able to go out in the sun’s kinda like havin’ classes all day. Or like workin’ all day. So I just hafta figure out where I can get stuff done after, right? Like clothes. There’s places that’re open. Not entirely my style, like all the fetish gear, but… I guess that stuff isn’t so bad if that’s not all I’m wearin’. I could be more open minded, I guess. And… if I can come up with some other way to get blood besides lookin’ for criminals, I won’t hafta replace my clothes so much, which was one of the other problems I hadta figure out.”
“Okay, but how’re you gonna get blood otherwise?” Kaitlyn asked.
“You’re gonna love this,” I grinned at Kaitlyn. “Pickup artists.”
Kaitlyn blinked at me a couple times, then started giggling. “Oh, that’s evil. I like it.”
“Yep,” I said. “Just hafta hit the bars where they go. Already have a couple places. Would have more ‘cept I hadta to look at pickup artist boards to find out, and there’s only so much of that I can take at once. So, go find one, play along, get him alone, and get my blood. Prob’ly don’t even hafta go past first base, either, which is a good thing.” I won’t say my dive into pickup artist sites was fun, particularly where they overlapped with the whole incel thing. But it did rate somewhere lower on the scale than getting turned into a vampire, getting shot, getting stabbed, and that sort of stuff.
Ferret raised a hand. “Are we talking about sleazy guys with comb overs, or are we talking about neggers, incels, date rapists and other assorted assholes?”
“Either,” I said. “Just so long as they’re assholes who prey on women. I can prey on them.”
“I gotcha,” Ferret said, grinning. “I’ll see if I can dig up a few bars and clubs as well.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Not startin’ that yet, but it’ll be soon.”
“Hey, I got a problem,” Kaitlyn said. “People steal stuff that gets delivered here, and you can’t really go to the door and sign for stuff. And I’m not gonna be here every day.”
“Yep, thought of that,” I said. “We’re gonna sign up for a drop box at a late night delivery place. Anything we order can go there and one of us can pick it up whenever.”
“Okay, that works,” Kaitlyn said.
“Mmmhmm. Then there’s the money problem,” I said. This was going to be the complicated part, but I have to say, I thought my solution was pretty smart. “Just stealin’ from thugs isn’t gonna be enough, and the douchebags from bars would prob’ly report it if I robbed ’em. I don’t eat human food, so that’s less of a cost, and I’m not gonna hafta replace clothes if I’m feedin’ off douchebags ’cause they’re prob’ly not gonna shoot me or stab me, which is also a bonus.” I thought about it for a moment. “Well, prob’ly not as often. I might hafta throw out stuff that winds up smellin’ too much like that shitty body spray they use. But I’ll deal with that if it happens. Anyway, the fact that I still gotta have money means I need a job. So that comes back to the stripper thing.”
“Did you take it?” Kaitlyn said. She still seemed a little too interested in my being a stripper for a living, but she was going to have to live with disappointment.
“Nope,” I said, grinning at her. “I thought about what it was about that job that made it useful for a vampire. Night hours, of course, and it’s pretty much show up and get paid, so I could go do other stuff when I needed to, like the stupid vampire socials, or lookin’ for blood. Not a lotta options for somethin’ like that, but… I did find this.” I pulled out my phone, brought up the app, and handed my phone to Kaitlyn. Might as well just show her.
“Dinner Roll?” Kaitlyn asked, looking at my phone. “That’s… a food delivery service, right? I’ve seen ’em around sometimes. Why’d you take that job?”
“Well, for the reasons I talked about,” I said. “And ’cause it’s got a uniform shirt and it’s more professional looking than the other options. I can pretty much work whenever I want, and from what my boss says, there’s really no one that does the midnight to five shift. Not a lotta calls for delivery that late, but they’d pretty much all be mine, and they tip pretty well.”
“Okay,” Kaitlyn said, handing back my phone. “What’s the catch?”
“If I don’t work, I don’t get paid,” I said. “And I’m gonna need to borrow your scooter. I’ll fill up the tank, though, and it’ll be after you’re home and don’t need it.”
“There’s gotta be some kinda problem with it,” Kaitlyn said, frowning at me.
“Nope. Pays twice a month, and customers can tip me with cash or by usin’ the app,” I said. “Accept an order, pick up the food, take it to the customer, repeat as needed.”
“Alright,” Kaitlyn said. “I’m sold. Sounds like a good deal.”
“Good enough, anyway,” I said. “As for the other stuff, I just gotta… figure out how to take care of what I need to, and we’ve got a lot more stuff like online shoppin’ and whatever than people used to have thirty years ago, which makes stuff easier. Might hafta ask you to help me with some stuff if it means goin’ out durin’ the day, but… I can figure that out.”
“When do you start?” Ferret asked.
“Thursday after next,” I said. “Figured I’d get the vampire social out of the way for October before I started my new job. Got some more details to take care of, too, but nothin’ big.”
“Sounds like you got things under control,” Ferret said. “Mostly.”
“We’ll see,” I shrugged. “Bein’ a vampire’s gone and fucked up a lotta stuff, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen all of it yet, so we’ll see if anything else goes bad. But I’ve at least got an idea how to handle a good amount of what’s been a pain in my ass up to now.”
“I’ve just got one question now,” Kaitlyn said.
“Okay…” I said. Here it comes…
“Do you wanna keep the dance pole?”
I looked over at the stupid thing. I didn’t need it anymore because I wasn’t taking the stripper job, and I got to be honest, it still sort of felt like it was watching me or something. Not, like, literally, but more like how people talk about something that sort of… gets on their nerves and makes them feel weird. But… really it was just an object. And I was going to try to be more open minded, and Kaitlyn liked having it around just because it was so silly and because it let her make jokes. So I guess I didn’t really hate the stupid thing so much. I was just… uptight about it. And I wasn’t taking the stripper job, so it didn’t really seem so bad. Besides, I don’t know… it might be useful. People did do it for exercise, and that wasn’t going to help me much, but maybe it could help me be more… coordinated or something. I was still sort of clumsy even though being a vampire helped a lot. But I guess in the end it just didn’t piss me off enough to get rid of it anymore.
“Eh…” I said, then shrugged. “Leave it, I guess. Don’t really care anymore.”
“Okay,” Kaitlyn said. “Hey, I’ve got an idea. We should celebrate.”
“Not sure this is worth a celebration,” I said.
“Well, I do,” Kaitlyn said, smilin’ at me. “And I just happen to know when there’s gonna be a great big costume party real soon.”
I rolled my eyes. “You just wanna go to a party,” I said. But I wasn’t really mad.
“Maybe,” Kaitlyn shrugged. “Does it really matter?”
“When’s the party?” I asked.
“Sunday night,” Kaitlyn said. “Costumes required.”
“Well… I guess I could come up with somethin’ as a costume,” I said.
“Can I come too?” Ferret asked me.
“Um…” Trouble was Ferret was definitely not human, you just had to look at him. But it was costume party, so… maybe that wasn’t so big of a deal. “I guess. You gotta costume?”
“Oh, yeah,” Ferret grinned. “You’ll see. Don’t worry about it.”
“And tomorrow night, you can try out your bar idea,” Kaitlyn said. “I’ll help.”
“Um…” I said, biting my lip. “I dunno about that.”
“Relax,” Kailyn said. “It’ll be just like dating.”
“’Cept I won’t be datin’ ‘em,” I said. “Remember?”
“Then it’ll be like a one night stand,” Kaitlyn said. “You can even do a walk of shame if you think it’ll help you feel more human.”
“Ugh. Fine,” I said. Wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but I’d have to try at some point, and tomorrow night was probably going to be a good night to find some douchebag anyway. And Kaitlyn seemed pretty into the idea of me feeding off douchebags. She’d dated more than me, or at least hit up the bars more often, so I bet that was probably why.
