Misty Rose: Nature
Chapter 35
Trying to stay human despite being a vampire isn’t easy. You know, in case I hadn’t made it kind of obvious by this point. It’s not so bad when still being human means you’re doing stuff you like, but when it isn’t… well, some stuff just seems stupid. Like how I started out the next night that’s actually worth talking about after I started working. Somehow it was still my turn to clean the bathroom. I mean, okay, it wasn’t the first time since I’d been turned, but somehow this time just seemed extra stupid. Maybe because I wasn’t dealing with a bunch of vampire shit right then so I had the brain power to waste on feeling stupid. It wasn’t like I used anything in there except the shower and the sink, so I could get having to do those sometimes, but not the toilet, you know? And ours was old, like old enough to be getting the sort of hard water stains my Dad would swear about back home. Kaitlyn never used serious cleaner because I guess she learned you could just scrub really hard like forever from her own family, but I’d get stronger stuff. Being a vampire didn’t make the stuff any nicer to deal with, though.
Yeah. Vampire chick scrubbing the toilet. Not going to see that in those shows, are you? But there I was scrubbing away and thinking we should do something about the tiny little leak that’d sometimes make the toilet smell in the summer if it got really hot and the sewer backed up or whatever. Nothing horrible, but it was still a thing. I guess lots of people use cleaning time to think about stuff that’s more interesting but I just kept going around on how dumb it was that I was having to clean the toilet despite never actually having to use it.
Anyway, that’s how the night started because Kaitlyn left the cleaners and brushes and crap sitting on me while I was asleep for the day before going to work, so I woke up with that crap on me. By the time I was done, Kaitlyn had gotten home and was sitting on the bed, messing with her phone.
“Y’know, you could just ask me to clean,” I told her as I came out and started putting the cleaning stuff away. “You don’t gotta stack stuff on me like that.”
“You don’t read the notes I leave,” Kaitlyn said without looking up.
“You could text me. I read those.”
“I did. But I also made sure you’d notice, too.”
I sighed and laid down on the bed.
“You smell like cleaner,” Kaitlyn told me.
“Your fault,” I said.
“I coulda asked you to vacuum.”
“And left the vacuum sittin’ on me, prob’ly.”
It sounded like Kaitlyn was going to say something but just then her phone went off. Kaitlyn likes to set different noises for messages from different people she knows. The sound for me sounded like some kind of electronic frog for some reason. Kaitlyn said it wasn’t a frog, but that’s what it sounded like to me. The one that went off was the one she used for Mike, which was this bell that always made me think of the doors in elevators. That one I remembered because Mike is an asshole.
“Ugh…” I said. “What the hell does your brother want?”
“Nothing,” Kaitlyn said. “He’s just complaining.”
“The hell does he have to complain about?”
“Someone robbed him.”
“Seriously?” I said. “I didn’t think gangsters got robbed.”
“Mike isn’t a gangster.”
“Sorry. Thug. Didn’t think thugs got robbed.”
Kaitlyn stuck her tongue out at me and went back to her phone. She and Mike exchanged a few texts while I just lay on the bed. Didn’t feel like getting up right then.
“So what got stolen?” I said finally. Didn’t really care, but it was conversation.
“Buncha stuff he won’t tell me about,” Kaitlyn said.
“Illegal stuff prob’ly,” I said.
“Maybe. Mostly he’s complaining about how his console got stolen.”
For some reason, I turned to look at the game console Ferret had brought us a month ago. “Huh. Poor baby,” I said. “Guess he’ll have to get another one.”
“They’re expensive,” Kaitlyn said.
“Gee, guess he’ll have to break a few extra kneecaps.”
Kaitlyn ignored me.
“What kind of console was it?” I asked eventually.
“Same kind we have,” Kaitlyn said. “Newest model or whatever.”
I kept looking at the console Ferret brought. He didn’t bring it in a box, I remembered that, and said some shit about it falling off the back of a truck like that was actually a thing. I didn’t remember if I’d mentioned Mike to Ferret, but… Ferret seemed to know more about everything than just what people told him. So he might have known what Mike did for a living. “Um…” I said. “I think… Ferret maybe stole your brother’s console. And brought it to us.”
Kaitlyn looked at me, then at the console. “Why’d you think that?” she asked me.
“Just a hunch,” I said. “Seems like his kinda joke, too.”
We both looked at the console for a bit, like it was going to tell us who it belonged to before us or something. Which would actually be sort of less weird than vampires, when I thought about it, so maybe it wasn’t something impossible. But the thing didn’t start talking. That we heard.
“Well, I’m not tellin’ him,” I said to Kaitlyn. “Are you?”
“Tell him what?” Kaitlyn said. “That our vampire half rodent looking computer nerd friend stole his console and gave it to us? No way.”
“Good idea,” I said. “Besides, Mike deserves it.”
Kaitlyn rolled her eyes at me. “Whatever. You going to work tonight?”
I thought about it for a bit. I didn’t actually have to go if I didn’t want to. Of course, I wouldn’t get paid if I didn’t do any deliveries, but it wasn’t like I’d get fired, either. “Nah,” I said. “Don’t really feel like it tonight. Wakin’ up with cleanin’ stuff stacked on me didn’t make me motivated to work.”
“Lazy ass,” Kaitlyn grinned at me.
“I make more money than you.”
“’Cause you wear a shirt that’s too small for you.”
“What is it you wear at work? Crop top and boy shorts?”
Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. “’Cept it’s October. So it’s costumes. Sexy costumes.”
“Ugh, yeah,” I said. “Sexy nurse.”
“Sexy cop.”
“Sexy fireperson.”
“Sexy skunk.”
“Really?” I looked at Kaitlyn. “That’s a thing?”
“Yep,” Kaitlyn grinned. “Sexy lobster, too.”
“Sexy French fries.”
“Sexy carrot.”
“Too healthy. Sexy pizza.”
“Sexy taco.”
“Oh, I’ve actually seen that one,” I said, getting out my phone. “Hang on.”
Turns out there’s an awful lot of really stupid sexy whatever costumes online. We were still laughing about that kind of stuff half an hour later when I got a text message. “What’s… oh, it’s Pops,” I said. “Should prob’ly find out what he wants.”
“Sexy hot dog,” Kaitlyn said, grinning at me.
“He’s not like that,” I said. “And no.”
“Well, what does he want?”
I looked at my phone. “To see if I’m busy.”
“Why?”
“That’s what I’m gonna find out,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But you won’t stop talkin’.”
“Y’know, some people can text and talk at the same time,” Kaitlyn said.
“Uh huh. But I can’t. So shut up,” I said. Well, I can’t. It’s like trying to follow two conversations at the same time. Kaitlyn thought she could, but it was more like she stopped talking for as long as it took to write the text, and sometimes she’d forget what she was saying anyway. But she’d still give me shit about having to stop conversations to deal with a text. Least I wasn’t pretending I could do both. Anyway, me and Pops sent a couple texts back and forth before I put my phone down again.
“Well?” Kaitlyn asked.
“He just wants to talk,” I said. “Go for a walk or somethin’.”
“Why?”
“I dunno.” I shrugged and laid down on my bed. “Check up on me?”
“The vampire thing?”
“Prob’ly.”
“Oh,” Kaitlyn said. She looked disappointed. “I thought he wanted a date.”
“I told you he’s not like that,” I glared at her. “He’s like… my grandpa or somethin’. Well, not like my real grandpa, my real grandpa’s an asshole. But like a good grandpa.”
“You sure?”
“Of course I’m sure,” I poked her with my finger. “Don’t you have a grandpa?”
“He died when I was a baby,” Kaitlyn said. “My grandma mostly bitched about how my Dad wasn’t treating my Mom right and how we’re all failing to uphold traditional values.”
“Sounds lovely.”
Kaitlyn shrugged. “She was old. Old people are like that.”
“Pops isn’t.”
“He’s a vampire. They don’t count.”
I sighed at her. “You really have no idea what vampires’re like. Your grandma sounds like she’d fit right in. Ferret and Pops aren’t normal for vampires at all.”
“Ugh,” Kaitlyn made a face. “Don’t make me think of my grandma being a vampire.”
“Hey, you’re the one who brought her up,” I said.
“You’re the one that called Pops your grandpa,” Kaitlyn said.
“I said he was like a grandpa.”
“Same thing.”
“No it isn’t. And you were the one that keeps thinkin’ it’s more than that.”
“I’m just saying it kinda seems like it’s more.”
“Only to you. You got boys on the brain.”
“Do not.”
“Do too. You always think it’s somethin’ more.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yeah, you do, Kaitlyn,” I said. “Pops isn’t like that. If anyone’s like that, it’s Ferret, and he’d be more interested in you, anyway.”
“No he isn’t,” Kaitlyn scowled at me.
“Prob’ly not,” I said. “But if I hadta pick one of the vampires you’ve actually met, it’d be him.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I’ve seen you two.”
“Bullshit.”
“Nope. You both have sorta the same sense of humor. You both like fuckin’ with me, too.”
“Yeah, but that’s just ’cause you’re so fun to fuck with.”
I rolled my eyes and stood up. “Thanks.”
“Where’re you going?” Kaitlyn asked me.
“To get dressed,” I said. “Pops is gonna be here any minute.”
“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”
I looked down at myself. “Well, one, this is what I wore to clean the bathroom,” I said. “Which I still don’t know why I hadta do ’cause I only use the shower. And two, humans don’t go out for walks in a t-shirt and shorts in October around here ’cause it’s cold.”
“But the cold doesn’t bother you,” Kaitlyn said.
“It bothers humans, and I’m tryin’ to stay human. So I dress like I mind the cold.” I grabbed a hoodie and some pants. “And cold does bother me anyway.”
“It does?”
I pulled my hoodie on over my head so I wouldn’t have to answer right away. Wasn’t really sure how to explain it and… well, me and running away from stuff I didn’t like. “Yeah,” I said, after I’d gotten my head out again. “Don’t really talk about it ’cause it bugs me. But yeah.”
“Why?” Kaitlyn asked me.
“It’s like…” I thought about it for a bit. “Well, okay, you know how sometimes you can be cold and you don’t realize it? Like when you’ve been drinkin’ or somethin’. And when you do realize it, you start shiverin’ and sometimes… it kinda aches ’cause you’re so cold?”
“Yeah,” Kaitlyn said. “I’ve had that happen a few times.”
“Not surprised, with what you like to wear to parties,” I said. “Well… it’s like that, ‘cept I don’t start shiverin’ and… sorta like the ache doesn’t ever really go away ‘cept when I’ve fed recently.”
“When you’ve got warm blood in you,” Kaitlyn said, not looking at me.
I waited until I had my pants on before I answered. “Yeah.”
“Is that why you like me touching you?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Uh…” I looked at her. “Whatcha mean I like it?”
“Oh,” Kaitlyn sort of shrugged, still not looking at me. “You sorta… lean into it when I touch you sometimes. Like when I’m hugging you or whatever.”
“Um…” I said. Well, shit. I didn’t think she’d noticed.
“I don’t mind,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s just… something you do. Like the boiling hot showers.”
That was safer to talk about. “Um, yeah. Vampires don’t scald, so… the heat is nice.”
“I always hafta turn the hot water down when you’re done now.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Kaitlyn finally looked up at me, grinning. “Least I know you’re showering.”
“I still get dirty,” I grinned back.
“Yeah, I know. That’s why you’re on laundry duty full time now.”
“I can deal with laundry duty. Gives me somethin’ to do at three in the mornin’.”
“I thought you vampires spent all night at fancy parties and stuff.”
“They might. I don’t get invited to those.”
“You need a better perfume.”
I was going to say something back, but right then the doorbell rang. Kaitlyn and I looked at each other. Then she nodded and got up and went into the bathroom. We hadn’t really talked about it, but… given everything it wasn’t likely anyone normal was going to ring our doorbell at night, so it was probably best she wasn’t right out where they could see her. Me, well… I couldn’t do much more about a problem than Kaitlyn, but I at least had the vampire thing going for me. Turns out it wasn’t a problem, though, because when I cracked open the door a little, it was Pops standing there. He had on a winter coat, but was still wearing the same kind of baggy suit he seemed to like under it.
“Hey,” I said, smiling at him.
“Evening,” Pops said, smiling back.
“Be just a sec,” I said, then shut the door so I could take off the chain. “IT’S OKAY, KAITLYN!” I yelled over my shoulder before opening the door again. I heard her come out of the bathroom pretty much right away. Pops smiled through the open door at her.
“Hello, Kaitlyn,” he said.
“Hiya, Pops,” Kaitlyn said. “Back for a second date?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a date,” I said.
“Isn’t that what going out walking with someone used to mean?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Used to,” I said. “Now friends go for walks without it meanin’ anythin’ all the time. You should try it. It’s actually kinda fun.”
“It’s cold outside,” Kaitlyn said.
“You have a coat,” I told her.
“But I wouldn’t want to intrude on your date,” Kaitlyn grinned at me.
“It’s not a date,” I said again. Pops was looking at Kaitlyn with a sort of thoughtful look. “I’m sorry,” I told Pops. “Kaitlyn’s havin’ a weird night, I think.”
“Am not,” Kaitlyn said.
“I don’t mind,” Pops smiled at me.
“I do,” I said. “Makin’ you stand in the door like that while she’s bein’ weird.”
“You gonna put your face on?” Kaitlyn asked me. Pops raised an eyebrow at me.
“She means if I’m gonna put on any makeup,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I can wait,” Pops said, smiling again.
“No, I can leave now,” I said, grabbing my own coat and putting it on.
“You kids have fun,” Kaitlyn said to us as I walked out, shutting the door behind me.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” I told Pops. Then I stuck my hands in my pockets. “Shit,” I said.
“Problem?” Pops asked me.
“Keys and phone,” I said. “I forgot to grab…” Then I stopped because the door opened again. Kaitlyn stepped out, handed me my keys and phone, then gave me a kiss on the cheek and went back inside, closing the door behind her. “Uh…” I said, looking at my stuff. I heard the locks closing. Yeah, I kind of just stood there like a dumbass, but… that was weird. I mean, well, me forgetting my keys or phone or both wasn’t, I’d done that before. But Kaitlyn hadn’t ever just… handed them to me like that, and the kiss on the cheek was new, too. I’d seen my Mom do that with my Dad a few times. Maybe she was just being sarcastic or something but it was still weird. Then again, she’d been being sort of weird that night anyway, so yeah, she was probably just messing with me again. I put my keys and phone in my pockets when my brain started working again and looked at Pops.
“All set?” was all Pops said.
“Yeah, guess I am,” I said. We started walking away. Neither of us said anything right away, which made sense because since it was October, it was dark early enough that there were still a few people on the street. Not a lot because we didn’t really live in a neighborhood where people walked a lot. Wasn’t safe sometimes. But there were still some. So I looked around instead. Mostly at the Halloween decorations people would put up. Again, not a lot because of the neighborhood, but there were a few, and they were more interesting than the sidewalk. After a while, I noticed that the people on the street walking past us would sort of… move around us. Not even like they saw us, either, it was more like something made them avoid running into us without them realizing it. Even the ones that weren’t paying attention because they were looking at their phones or whatever. They’d just walk around us without even seeing we were there. I watched a few people move around us, then looked at Pops, who turned out to be watching me watching them.
“You’re makin’ us invisible, yeah?” I asked him.
“I am,” Pops nodded. “Do you always watch other people?”
“Um…” I said, looking away. “Sometimes. Don’t really think about it. It’s just a habit.”
“Mind if I ask why?”
“’Cause… they’re more interestin’ than the ground, or cars. And ‘cause…”
“They might be dangerous?”
I looked at Pops. “Yeah, that.”
“I see,” Pops said.
“It’s not a vampire thing. Been doin’ it most of my life.”
“Why?”
I thought about it for a bit. “Guess it’s ‘cause… half of everyone is bigger and stronger than me,” I said. “Well, maybe not half. But most guys are. And… I dunno, it sometimes kinda bugs me.”
“So you watch to see if you’re in danger.”
“Yeah.”
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Somethin’ did. But I didn’t hafta have somethin’ bad happen.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” Pops said.
“It’s like…” I sighed. “Okay, so, let’s say… I dunno, for every ten dogs you see, one of ’em is gonna try to bite you. And you don’t know which one. Okay?”
“Alright.”
“Well, I don’t wanna get bitten at all. And if I watch the dogs, maybe I can see the one that’s gonna bite me before he does. It’s not that I hate dogs, it’s that I don’t wanna get bit.”
“And you feel that way about people?”
“Guys, mostly,” I said. “Not that they’re dogs. That… there’s gonna be a few out there that might… try to do somethin’ to me I don’t want, y’know? I don’t know which ones. So I gotta watch all of ’em so I can maybe do somethin’ to get away before they can. And since they’re bigger and stronger, I gotta figure out if they’re dangerous faster. So I can run or somethin’.”
“So, you judge all guys the same way?” Pops didn’t sound mad, just curious.
“Not the ones I know,” I said. “And it’s not… like that. It’s the dog thing. I don’t wanna get hurt, so if I watch, I might not. It’s not nice to think of people I don’t know like they might hurt me, but… I’ll stop when I don’t hafta worry ‘bout bein’ hurt at all, y’know?”
Pops didn’t say anything, just nodded. We walked on for a bit not talking.
“I bet it didn’t usedta be like that,” I said eventually, scowling at nothing.
Pops looked at me. “People don’t change all that much. It wasn’t as… pervasive as it is now, no. But women still looked to defend themselves from men.”
I kicked at the sidewalk. “Then people fuckin’ suck.”
Pops smiled at me. “They would say that as well. Not in those words, of course.”
“Well, they were right,” I said. “’Cause it still happens.”
“If you want to talk about what happened, I can listen,” Pops said.
“Sorry, but no,” I said. “Don’t like talkin’ about it. Should prob’ly see a therapist or somethin’ but…” I waved a hand at myself. “Vampire. Prob’ly not the best idea.”
“Father Riggs, perhaps?”
I thought about it. “Maybe. Eventually. But not right now.”
Pops nodded. “We can talk about something else.”
“Like what?” I asked. But I was glad. I really didn’t want to talk about what happened.
Pops looked like he was thinking for a moment. “Hmm. How do you feel about Kaitlyn?”
“Ugh, she got you too, too?” I sighed. “She’s my best friend, and bisexual doesn’t mean indiscriminate. She just likes to mess with people.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” Pops said.
“Sorry. I’ve gotten that sorta question a lot, so I kinda… give the short answer. Kaitlyn’s my best friend. We’ve been through a lot of shit together, so… we’re more like sisters, I guess. In some ways. And yeah, she’s bisexual, but that just means she likes girls and guys, not that she’s gonna throw herself at anyone,” I shrugged. “Some people think bisexual means they’ll fuck anyone. But I’m not Kaitlyn’s type, so she’s not interested in me that way. I’m not Kaitlyn’s type, so she’s not interested in me that way. She just likes to joke around sometimes, like when she can mess with someone’s head, or when she’s scammin’ free drinks out of horny guys.”
“I see,” Pops said.
“Glad you do,” I said. “Seems like when she does stuff like that kiss or whatever, someone’s always gotta ask about our relationship. Well, there isn’t one. She just gets weird sometimes.”
“And how does she feel?” Pops asked. “About the not a relationship?”
“She’s never said,” I shrugged. “Just that I’m not her type.”
“Situations can change.”
“Yeah, but she hasn’t.”
Pops just smiled at me as we kept walking. I frowned down at the sidewalk. I suppose Pops had a point, I mean, the situation had changed. I wasn’t a vampire before, when Kaitlyn told me I wasn’t her type. But I kind of doubted it’d make a difference. Kaitlyn tended to like more… aggressive types, and that just wasn’t me, even with the whole vampire thing. Besides, who’d want to have a relationship with a vampire? Well, aside from goths and people with issues. Different issues than the ones me and Kaitlyn have. Kaitlyn knew what I was. Blood drinking corpses didn’t exactly make for good girlfriend material, you know? Bad enough when a living person is a drain.
I guess I’d been thinking about all this for a while because Pops cleared his throat. “I actually did have something I’d like to talk about.”
“Sure,” I said. Waiting for me to think my way through something would probably make even a vampire think they’re wasting their time, so Pops having something was good.
“Do you know how to drive a car?” Pops asked me. “More specifically, a van?”
“Um…” I looked at him. “Yeah, I got my license. Why?”
“My friends and I are in need of a driver,” Pops said. “Nothing dangerous.”
“Uh… don’t you all know how to drive?”
“Yes. But having a… designated driver would be helpful, and Ferret suggested you.”
“Well… okay. I haven’t driven in years, but I got my license, yeah. Dunno about drivin’ a van.”
Pops smiled at me. “That’s fine,” he said. “We don’t need you right away, and Ferret said he’d be happy to teach you. It’d be his van you’d be driving.”
“Um, okay, that’s fine,” I said. “What kinda time we lookin’ at?”
“If you’re free tomorrow, Ferret can give you some lessons.”
“I can be free,” I shrugged. “Job is flexible.”
Pops smiled at me, and we kept walking and chatting for a bit. Nothing important really, just asking me about my delivery job and whatever. We walked in a circle and wound up back at my apartment after a couple hours. Pops gave me a goodbye hug, and I let myself in. Kaitlyn had gone to sleep. I messed around a little, then left again to some deliveries. If I was going to be taking tomorrow night off, I might as well get in a few tonight, you know? But that was about it for that night.
