Published in Slackjaw·Feb 8, 2022Member-onlyThings I’m Afraid The Webb Space Telescope Will DiscoverHostile aliens, my diaries from middle school, and other horrifying things. — By Sue Gelber, Terry Heyman, and Sally Miller We are not alone. There are aliens who have been spying on us. The aliens are coming to attack us. The aliens were going to attack us but then after watching us for a few days they decided we aren’t worth attacking. …Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in The Haven·Nov 2, 2020Florida! A Redemption Story: The MusicalWill Florida be an early election bellwether? Or will it crack under pressure? This fun new musical production tries to find out! by Sue D. Gelber and Tiffany Quay Tyson “Americans may know who won Florida before they go to bed on election night.” NPR News, October 31, 2020 Coming…Election3 min readElection3 min read
Published in The Belladonna Comedy·Oct 7, 2020COVID Word Problems for WomenHow many people are ready for this pandemic to be over? — Roberta goes to the grocery store for 8 items. There are 12 aisles that have been marked as one way. Roberta obeys the arrows but no one else does. Solve for the number of times Roberta says “Sorry” even though she’s the one following directions. Margaret works from home and…Coronavirus3 min readCoronavirus3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Nov 28, 2019Member-onlyGeorge Carlin And Mister Rogers Guest-Host The National Dog Show“Welcome, friends! I’m glad you could join me, Mister Rogers, for The National Dog Show. I’m thankful for you today! The network wanted to attract younger viewers, so I’m your celebrity announcer here with my new friend, George Carlin.” “I bring the hippies and you bring the dippies, Fred. …Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in The Belladonna Comedy·Feb 7, 2019I’m Sorry I Told Everyone You Were Dead to Further My CareerGetting ahead in publishing is hard, so I had to make some sacrifices. Such as you. — Thanks so much for coming to Amagansett for a family dinner. Remember we used to do this every Sunday? Back before I started telling people you were dead? Those were the days. Listen, I know it’s been a busy week, what with everyone finding out you’re alive. Think about how…Life3 min readLife3 min read
Published in The Belladonna Comedy·Nov 8, 2018Fosters Needed for Unemployed Congressional StaffersLoving homes urgently required! — Thank you for your interest in fostering a low-level congressional staff member! Well over 20 House incumbents have suddenly lost their jobs, leaving hundreds of aides, assistants, project coordinators and coffee-fetchers with nowhere to go. As you can imagine, this is a very difficult and confusing time for them. Our…Politics3 min readPolitics3 min read
Published in The Haven·Oct 5, 2018New, More Relatable Nobel Prize Categories AnnouncedThe Nobel Prize for Psychics, and other fun additions! Here at the Nobel Prize Committee, we’ve been giving out prizes since 1901 and admittedly, we’re a little slow to change. But this year, we decided to take a page from the people who do the Oscars and expand our categories…Nobel Prize3 min readNobel Prize3 min read
Mar 27, 2018I’m Grandma, and I’m the New Director of the CDCGet ready, kids, because I’m shaking things up. — Following unexpected personnel changes at the CDC, I’m pleased to announce that I, Grandma, have taken control as interim director. Am I qualified to run the CDC? Hell, I’m 95-years-old and healthy as a horse. Of course, I’m qualified! And guess what? I’m making some changes. Effective immediately, the following…Health2 min readHealth2 min read
Published in The Haven·Feb 26, 2018Less Popular Spotify “Mood” PlaylistsIs there really music for every occasion? Because these playlists never caught on. Saturday Afternoon Jail Visitation Jam: No belt, no hat, no problem. The Gerbil Got Out Again? Search the House with Songs that Bring Down the House! Raise the Roof While Cleaning the Gutters! Acoustic Anxiety over What…Music1 min readMusic1 min read
Published in The Belladonna Comedy·Nov 3, 2017The Catalan Crisis Explained by Jordan Catalano from My So-Called LifeThis is, like, Catalonia’s open mic night or whatever. — So, it’s like with Tino’s band, right? I mean, everyone calls it Tino’s band. Someone will be like, “What are you doing Friday?” and everyone is like, “Going to see Tino’s band.” But we’re not just Tino’s band. We’re, like, our own band. Like a whole, actual, real band. And…Music3 min readMusic3 min read
