HUMOR

Now the humans can’t pretend not to know what you want.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

By Anya The Grey for the Feline Urban Register (FUR)

Tempe, AZ (FUR) — Inspired by a story in the news, a cat and dog have teamed up to create a new language. It is a special sign language for communication with their human family members.

Spritzy, 6, an Irish Setter mix, explains, “Our humans had the television on. The human in the tv told a story that gave us the idea. A human who couldn’t hear made special signs for words that they needed but didn’t have.”

The news story concerned a student, Liam Mcmulkin, at the University of…


It wasn’t okay just because it wasn’t rape.

Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay

One of the speakers asked how many women had been harassed or abused sexually in their life? There were thousands of women in the audience, and almost every one of them raised her hand.

Cheryl James

Ever since I heard Angie Dickenson’s CBS This Morning interview last year, one of her comments has stuck in my head. Mo Rocca asked her to comment on the #Metoo movement:

When asked what she thinks of the #MeToo movement, she said, I hate it. It’s all out of proportion, like my [poker] hand. I say: an open robe is not a rape. Listen…


HUMOR

Four Chirp Rating: Come for the Food but Beware of Felines.

Hummingbird visits Tweet’s Snacks — photo by James McIntosh, used by permission

By Nigel, Roving Bird Critic for FUR

Chandler, AZ (FUR) — Although Tweet’s Snacks opened a year and a half ago, they recently upgraded and expanded their menu. It has become a popular avian dining establishment.

Originally the restaurant confined themselves to the hummingbird crowd. There was one feeder mounted near the top window of the one-story human dwelling.

The hummingbirds raved about the food far and wide. The shape of the feeder allows larger birds to grab a taste, they reported.

I took the challenge and attempted to grab a taste. It was a heady mix of sugar water…


SATIRE

Doctors warn this could be the start of an epidemic.

Image by Esther Merbt from Pixabay

By Shelly McIntosh for the Desert Bloom Times (DBT)

Tempe, AZ (DBT) — An area child refused to heed her mother’s repeated warnings to “stop making that face,” yesterday. She ended up hospitalized for what the doctors are describing as “frozen fish face.”

Victoria Hubbard, 45, the child’s grandmother and witness to the event, commented, “My daughter told her to stop making that face. She warned her it could freeze that way.”

It all began innocently. Emma Freeman, 27, was making lunch for the family. …


Satire

These tips will prove invaluable in your quest to make peanuts from your writing.

Image by Fernando Latorre from Pixabay

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Frank Hubbard

Writers are constantly sharing valuable tips on how to leverage writing in order to make a certain level of income. It is time to throw my valuable knowledge into the ring.

I began writing for Medium in April. That month my income was under two dollars.

My income steadily increased by a few dollars each month through November, when I stayed just under fifty dollars. December is set to be well under that mark.

All this makes me fully…


Join us in your imagination.

Photo by Scott Warman on Unsplash

MuddyUm (a publication of Medium) writers are planning New Year’s Eve parties. The kind of parties that only exist in the imagination. I am joining the game.

In our house, a New Year’s party is not just a birthday party for the new year. It is a birthday party for a few people:

  • My husband — born on December 31st for the 1957 tax deduction. His mother explained she was induced a week or so early as a favor from her doctor.

Her husband popped in to see his second born and then went on to celebrate with some friends…


Satire

United Feral Cat Community asks indoor felines for help.

Photo by Brent Jones on Unsplash

By Anya The Grey for the Feline Urban Register (FUR)

Phoenix, AZ (FUR)— An urgent call went out yesterday from the United Feral Cat Community (UFCC). The UFCC covers a large area of the Greater Phoenix Area. It is the largest feral and stray cat community political organization in the state.

Here is the statement released by Jazzie, the communications director of the UFCC:

“Indoor housecats have had a bumper crop of boxes this year. There was a huge increase in the number of cardboard boxes delivered to their homes. This comes after years of increases in packages delivered to…


Felines under treatment for PTSD symptoms.

Photo by Tran Mau Tri Tam on Unsplash

By Anya The Grey for the Feline Urban Register (FUR)

Chandler, Arizona (FUR) — Two household felines are under veterinary care after suffering through a shortage of treats earlier in the week. Their human is confused but supportive.

Jessica Newman, 28, explained, “I was at the grocery store earlier in the day, but I didn’t remember we were almost out of treats. Still, this reaction seems extreme. We weren’t out of treats! Just short a couple.”

Luke, 6, a fluffy, muted orange tabby, was willing to speak from his upholstered box in the family room cat tree. “She is a…


A feline advice column for felines (and in this case, a canine).

Xander — photo by author

Dear Xander is an advice column from a feline, for feline readers.

Xander is always in need of questions to answer.

If you have one for Xander, please leave it in the comments and he will answer in a future column.

An identity would seem to be arrived at by the way in which the person faces and uses his experience.

James Baldwin

Dear Xander

Can I still be considered a barn cat if this is as close as I get to the barn?

Confused

Dear C:

It…


My love isn’t on autopilot.

Photo by Kyaw Tun on Unsplash

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Charles M. Schulz

We all do it. Drive home from work without remembering a single moment of the drive. Breezing through our day at home and wondering where the day went?

You know you were busy but what, exactly, did you do? What is there to show for it?

How much else do we keep on autopilot? Are our relationships on cruise control? Not being thought about in detail?

When was the last time you told your spouse “I love you?” …

Shelly McIntosh

Writes about life and relationships. Cats feature prominently in her satire pieces.

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