Spend Christmas holidays your way — Part 2
In part 1 of this three-part series we discussed how comparing ourselves to others might prime us to feel dissatisfied and anxious about our holiday plans and might make us feel obliged to spend Christmas in a specific way.
Today I will provide a second reason why it is sometimes hard for us to spend these holidays the way we would like to.
2. Difficulties breaking traditional patterns
They say us humans are creatures of habits and routines, so, for example, if for the past 15 years we have spent Christmas holidays with our (extended) families, then we think we have to do it again this year. We don’t dare to question this, we just assume it’s the right thing to do. Wanting something different can make us feel guilty or think of ourselves as the bad daughter/son/sibling/cousin/friend.
Stop that inner conversation right now! Your are allowed to want something different, and you know it! You are just not giving it space yet….
You are allowed to want something different! Our wants and needs change constantly. Something that made us happy some time ago might not make us happy anymore now. And that’s OK. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself some time to process this.
Think about it this way: would you rather be in a celebration where you are fully present, enjoying yourself and consciously grateful for being there or to be dreading the whole thing, wanting to be somewhere else and feeling drained afterward?
If you feel that you will have to give a good performance, that you will feel miserable during the event and exhausted when you come back home, then you might want to rethink your plans for these holidays.
I know it is difficult to break the habit, that you might find it rude to cancel last minute or that you are not very confident that you might find better plans for these holidays, but it is worth to ask yourself these questions:
- What does Christmas mean to ME?
- Am I celebrating these holidays the way I want to?
- Why am I coming to this celebration with these people? What motivates me to come?
- Do I feel the need to pretend, to perform, to hide behind a mask during these celebrations? Can I be myself in this environment?
- Am I doing this because “it’s tradition” or because I’m afraid of what other’s will think of me if I don’t come?
It is not easy to break patterns. Here is what it takes: use the answers to the questions above to shed light on your motives and beliefs as well as to focus on your feelings. If you find inconsistencies between those and your behaviour (we call this cognitive dissonance in Psychology), take a moment to notice and acknowledge that. Then, figure out if those inconsistencies are bearable or if they are causing you suffering. If you feel some degree of discomfort, it is likely that you will want to take a step towards a decision that honours your feelings and beliefs, and this could involve breaking the pattern.
Take your time to do this, perhaps it will not happen for the coming holidays, and that’s OK. If you decide not to change your plans, that’s OK too. Just remember to give space to your feelings and desires. Having gained more perspective, you will be able to make better decisions over time.
I hope this information was helpful. Stay tuned for the last part of this series where I will discuss managing other people’s reactions. If you like my content so far, please feel free to share, like and comment, or consider buying me a coffee.
