How to Deal With In Laws Living With You (How to Survive Living with Your In Laws)
So often, I hear from people who find themselves in the sticky situation of having their in-laws move in with them. Let me tell you, it’s a scenario that can test even the most harmonious of families. In this article, we’ll dive into some practical tips and tricks to help you not only survive but thrive when your in-laws become permanent members of your household. So buckle up, and let’s get started!
Recently, I received a call from a client named Christa. She was at her wit’s end, and the frustration in her voice was palpable. She and her husband had just welcomed his parents into their home, thinking it would be a great idea to bring the extended family closer. However, it was turning out to be far from the harmonious arrangement they had envisioned.
Christa confided in me that the situation had escalated quickly. The initial excitement had given way to tension and constant bickering. She felt like her home was no longer her own, that her privacy was eroding, and her voice was being drowned out in the chaos of having her in-laws under the same roof.
It was evident that Christa was dealing with a whirlwind of emotions. She felt overwhelmed and unsure of how to regain control over her life, her space, and her relationship. She explained that her mother-in-law had taken over the kitchen, rearranging cabinets and pantry items to suit her preferences without asking for input. The result was a clash of habits and expectations, causing frustration to brew.
Christa’s voice quivered as she recounted the incident. “How did I get myself into this mess?” she wondered out loud. “Is there any way to make this work without sacrificing my own happiness and sanity?” She paused, then asked the question that weighed heavily on her mind, “Is there a way to deal with in-laws living with us without it tearing our family apart?”
If you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Whether it’s your parents or your spouse’s parents moving in, the challenges and emotions can be intense. Let’s explore how to navigate this delicate balance while preserving your sanity and family harmony.
1. Set Clear Expectations from the Get-Go
One of the most common pitfalls I see is a lack of clear communication and expectations. Before you even welcome your in-laws into your home, have a heart-to-heart discussion with your spouse. Talk about why you’re making this decision, what you hope to gain from it, and what your boundaries are.
This conversation is crucial to ensure that both you and your spouse are on the same page regarding your in-laws moving in. Discuss what roles each person will play, what house rules will change, and how you will handle conflicts. Setting clear expectations can help avoid misunderstandings later on.
For example, let’s say you and your spouse have decided to have your parents move in to help with the kids and share household expenses. It’s essential to discuss how responsibilities will be divided. Who will handle childcare, cooking, and other household tasks? Talking this through in advance will make the transition smoother and prevent resentment from building up due to unmet expectations.
2. Home Sweet Home: Redefining Your Space
When in-laws move in, the lines between personal space and shared space can blur. You might find yourself sharing your living room, kitchen, and even your bathroom with your extended family. It’s essential to establish boundaries and designate specific areas within your home as “personal” and “common.”
You can set up a family meeting to discuss which parts of the house are shared and which are off-limits. If your in-laws are staying for an extended period, you might even consider dividing household chores and responsibilities. This way, everyone has a clear understanding of their role in the house.
Let’s say your in-laws have moved in, and they have a habit of taking over your kitchen. They rearrange the cabinets and pantry items to their liking, causing frustration. In this situation, it’s essential to establish kitchen rules and boundaries from the beginning. You can explain that while you appreciate their help, you have a specific kitchen system in place. Suggest a shared kitchen makeover that suits everyone’s needs, to make sure it’s a comfortable and functional space for all.
3. Maintaining Personal Relationships
Living with in-laws can put a strain on your personal relationships, especially with your spouse. It’s crucial to maintain your bond and prioritize your relationship amidst the daily grind of family life. Plan date nights or quiet evenings together to reconnect and reinforce your emotional connection.
You may also want to establish specific rules regarding your alone time with your spouse. It’s essential to communicate the importance of maintaining your connection as a couple and create space for intimacy and personal conversations.
For instance, suppose you’re watching your favorite TV show or having a heartfelt conversation with your partner when your in-laws interrupt. Gently set boundaries and explain that you need some private time. Discuss with your spouse how you can create these moments for yourselves.
4. Open Communication is Key
To avoid conflicts and build a harmonious living environment, open and honest communication is your best friend. If something’s bothering you, don’t bottle it up. Address it respectfully and kindly. Remember, it’s not about blaming or criticizing but finding solutions together.
For example, let’s say your in-laws have noisy habits that are driving you up the wall. Instead of resorting to passive-aggressive tactics, express your feelings calmly and propose solutions. You can suggest setting specific quiet hours in the house to ensure everyone’s comfort.
If your in-laws tend to bicker among themselves, affecting the household’s peace, it’s essential to address the issue directly but gently. Let them know that their arguments are causing discomfort and ask if there’s a way to find more constructive ways to resolve their differences. By approaching this issue with empathy and understanding, you can create a more peaceful living environment.
5. Embrace Differences and Find Common Ground
It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to see eye to eye on every aspect of life. In-laws may have different habits, values, and opinions. But rather than focusing on the differences, look for common ground. Embrace the opportunity to learn from each other and appreciate each other’s unique qualities.
For instance, if your father-in-law is a sports enthusiast, while you prefer art and culture. Instead of seeing this as a source of conflict, consider finding activities you can enjoy together. Maybe you can attend a local sports event one weekend and then visit an art exhibition the next. It’s a win-win, as you both get to explore each other’s interests.
It’s also essential to be open to their perspective and share your own. Encourage open discussions where you can learn from each other’s experiences and viewpoints. This can lead to a more enriching and harmonious relationship.
6. Respect Their Independence
While living together, it’s essential to respect your in-laws’ independence and personal space. They’re not just guests; they’re family members sharing your home. Encourage them to maintain their own routines and social lives, so they don’t feel like they’re intruding on your family dynamics.
If your in-laws are tech-savvy, help them set up a cozy corner in the house where they can enjoy their interests, like reading, gaming, or staying connected with friends and family online. This creates a sense of autonomy and helps prevent any feelings of imposition.
Living with your in-laws can be a challenging experience, but with clear communication, respect, and a bit of patience, it can also be incredibly rewarding. Remember that you’re not alone, and many families navigate this path successfully.
If you’ve found the insights and advice in this article helpful, it’s time to take action. Click here to discover even more tips and strategies on how to create a harmonious living environment when in-laws are under the same roof.
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