How to Save an Unhappy Marriage (How to Make an Unhappy Marriage Happy Again)

Skylar Madeline
7 min readOct 30, 2023

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Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

Today, I want to have a heart-to-heart with you about a topic that’s close to my own heart — how to save an unhappy marriage. I’ve seen countless couples come to me over the years, and while every story is unique, there are some common threads that run through the tapestry of their struggles. So often, I hear from people who feel like their marriage is stuck in a never-ending cycle of unhappiness. If you’re in that boat, don’t despair. I’m here to share some down-to-earth advice and insights that might just help you turn things around and make your unhappy marriage happy again.

A few months back, I received an email from a woman named Natalia. She described how her once-joyful marriage had slowly but surely turned into a desolate wasteland of misunderstandings and silent resentment. Her husband seemed like a stranger she shared a home with. What was once a sanctuary had become a place where they merely coexisted, their communication reduced to the obligatory “How was your day?” and the standard “Fine.”

Their love story was something out of a romantic comedy. They had met in a bustling bookstore, reaching for the same dog-eared copy of a classic novel. Their hands brushed, and their eyes locked, and the rest was history. They embarked on a whirlwind adventure, sharing dreams, exploring new places, and promising each other a lifetime of happiness.

But life happened, as it often does. The demands of work, raising two kids, and the strains of maintaining a home had taken a toll on their relationship. Their conversations, once filled with laughter and shared dreams, had turned into tense exchanges about bills, schedules, and household chores. The couple who had once been inseparable now found themselves sleeping back to back, worlds apart.

In her email, Natalia poured out her heart. She wrote about the countless nights she had spent lying awake, wondering if they could ever recapture the magic they once had. She asked, “Is there any hope for us, or are we too far gone?”

Natalia’s story is not unique. Many couples go through similar rough patches in their marriages, and it can be incredibly disheartening. But here’s the good news: you have the power to turn things around. Let’s dive into some practical steps to reignite the spark and make your unhappy marriage happy again.

1. Remember Why You Fell in Love

Let’s dive into the first piece of advice: Remember why you fell in love. It’s easy to get bogged down by the daily grind, the bills, and the never-ending to-do lists. Life has a way of piling on responsibilities until we lose sight of what initially drew us to our partners.

Think back to those early days of your relationship, when your hearts raced with excitement at the mere thought of seeing your loved one. What was it about your partner that made your heart skip a beat? What qualities, quirks, or shared experiences brought you closer? These are the very things that made you fall in love in the first place.

So, take some time to reminisce with your spouse. Share stories about your first date, the way their smile made you feel, and the adventures you embarked on together. These recollections serve as a potent reminder of the love that once blossomed between you, and they can reignite the spark that may have dimmed over time.

2. Open, Honest Communication

The second point we’re going to tackle is open, honest communication. It’s a bit of a cliché, but there’s no denying its importance. When couples reach out to me, they often recount tales of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and frustrations that have piled up over the years. These are all rooted in a lack of communication.

Now, when we say “communication,” we’re not just talking about chatting over dinner or discussing the weather. We’re talking about a deeper connection. Imagine your partner as your confidant, your safe space, and your best friend. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly, and encourage them to do the same. It’s about creating an environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Remember, it’s not just about expressing your grievances; it’s about understanding your spouse’s perspective too. It’s a two-way street. When you listen with empathy, even if you don’t always agree, it builds a bridge of understanding between you two.

3. Quality Time Matters

Now, onto the third piece of the puzzle: Quality time. Our lives have become incredibly fast-paced. We’re constantly chasing deadlines, juggling commitments, and running from one place to another. In the midst of all this chaos, it’s easy to forget the significance of quality time spent together.

Think of your marriage as a garden that needs tending. If you water your plants daily, they thrive. Neglect them, and they wither away. Your marriage is no different. For it to flourish, you need to nurture it.

So, what can you do? Reintroduce ‘date nights’ or designated quality time into your routine. It could be something as simple as taking a leisurely walk, watching a movie together, or cooking a meal side by side. The point is to focus solely on each other during these moments. These shared experiences allow you to rekindle your connection and create new, cherished memories together.

4. Small Acts of Kindness

Don’t underestimate the power of small, everyday gestures. They may seem trivial, but they hold immense potential to heal and strengthen your relationship. Let’s break this down further.

Think about your day-to-day interactions. Do you leave sweet notes for your partner? Make them a cup of coffee just the way they like it? Offer a heartfelt compliment or a warm hug when they need it the most?

These small acts of kindness serve as daily reminders of your love and appreciation for each other. They show that you still care, even in the midst of challenges. It’s about keeping the flame of affection alive, reminding each other that you’re cherished and valued.

5. Managing Conflicts Gracefully

Now, let’s tackle the fifth point: Managing conflicts gracefully. Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. It’s not about avoiding conflicts but managing them with grace. In fact, conflicts can be an opportunity for growth if handled in the right way.

Think back to your last argument with your spouse. Did it escalate into a shouting match, with both parties trying to prove their point? Or did it result in a silent standoff where nobody truly understood the other’s perspective? These kinds of conflicts only drive a wedge between you.

Conflict resolution isn’t about winning or losing; it’s about finding common ground and compromise. It’s about acknowledging that you’re a team, and your goal is to find solutions together. It’s not always easy, but it’s vital for a healthier, happier marriage.

6. Support Each Other’s Goals

The sixth piece of advice is about supporting each other’s goals. In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to become consumed by our individual ambitions and dreams. However, remember that you’re a team, and supporting each other’s goals is vital.

Let’s say your spouse expresses a desire to pursue a new hobby, learn a new skill, or chase a personal dream. Instead of brushing it off or merely tolerating it, encourage them. Show genuine interest and offer your support. It’s about creating an environment where both of you can thrive personally, and it’s an investment in your mutual happiness.

7. Learn and Grow Together

Marriages are like living organisms that evolve and change over time. So, let’s talk about the seventh point: Learning and growing together.

Your marriage should be a safe space for both of you to become the best versions of yourselves. It’s a partnership in which you navigate the journey of life side by side, supporting each other through its ups and downs.

Think of it this way: Your marriage is like a tree. In the beginning, it’s a small sapling, fragile and full of potential. Over time, it grows, its roots deepening and branches reaching for the sky. Your relationship, too, can mature, as long as you’re willing to adapt, learn, and grow together.

8. Gratitude Is the Attitude

It’s easy to take your spouse for granted, especially when you’re facing challenges. However, gratitude can work wonders in mending your relationship. Let’s delve deeper into the power of gratitude.

Create a gratitude journal. Every night, you write down three things you’re thankful for about your partner. They could be simple, like a loving gesture or a shared moment, or more profound, like their unwavering support during difficult times.

Practicing gratitude helps shift your focus from the problems in your relationship to the positive aspects. It’s a daily reminder of the reasons you fell in love with your partner and why you want to rebuild your connection. By acknowledging and appreciating the qualities and actions you love, you can begin to rebuild the foundation of a happy marriage.

So, if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage, remember that it’s not the end of the road. You have the power to turn things around and rediscover the happiness that brought you together in the first place. Communication, quality time, shared interests, acts of kindness, and forgiveness are all essential ingredients in the recipe for a happy marriage.

If you’ve found the insights and advice in this article helpful, it’s time to take action. Click here to discover more tips and strategies on how to save your unhappy marriage and start your journey towards a happier, more fulfilling partnership.

Click here to access a comprehensive guide that will dive deeper into the strategies discussed in this article, providing you with practical tips and real-life examples to help you navigate the journey of saving your unhappy marriage. This guide isn’t just another self-help resource. It’s a roadmap designed to assist you in rediscovering the joy and love that once defined your relationship. Within its pages, you’ll find expert advice and actionable steps to guide you on this transformative journey.

Don’t let another day pass by in frustration or despair. Your marriage is worth the effort, and you have the power to rekindle the love and happiness that brought you together in the first place. Click right here and take the first step towards a happier, healthier, and more loving relationship. Your journey to a happy marriage begins here!

Remember, you have the power to change your story. Click here now and begin your journey toward rekindling the love, improving communication, and rediscovering the happiness that you and your partner deserve.

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