The first flight seals the bond!
If you didn’t already pick up on the Dune quote from part 2 in this series, this will confirm it — Hi, my name is Shannon, and I’m a SciFi nerd.
The best analogy I have for how to really bond with your team is Avatar. The first time that Jake Sully needs to take flight with his “Ikran” (don’t burn me in effigy for getting the spelling wrong please), Neytiri yells “You cannot wait, the first flight seals the bond!”. This is also true for sealing the bond with your team: the first time you are put to the test is how they *know* they are safe. Until this moment, you could be full of crap in their minds.
Keep it short & sweet.
The best way to do this is early on and small, then repeat. Find something they can work on that doesn’t damage their identity. Praise something they did well, then start the “code” for when you will give adjustment feedback as they instructed you. Here’s an example I had to give someone.
You did great on that presentation the other day, the specific tips you gave on retrospectives were helpful. For the next time, I want you to do two things a little differently:
First, avoid saying “um” because it distracts from your insightful messages.
Second, I want you to speak up because it will help them build more trust in your advice when you sound more confident.
Practice it and watch a recording to see how it sounds after applying these tips. Overall, I’m happy with your performance.Tell me, how did you feel about it?
Giving adjustments? 2 max to fix at a time.
This is a negative comment that points out not one, but two things the person needed to improve. This is as harsh as I will get in the first few weeks to highlight that I won’t pull my punches, but I also believe they can get better.
Validate their strengths.
I also take advantage of the opportunity to point out something that went well, and ask how they felt. These things together are where the magic is. What you are really saying is:
You didn’t do it all perfectly, but I’m still happy, and I care how you feel.
That’s all my tips for today. I hope this resonated with you, and maybe even told you something you didn’t know already.
Have fun building your safety!
