That Big Kid Ellen #37 & #38: Read a Goosebumps book + Go to a book fair
It’s a two-fer!
It wasn’t necessarily my plan to knock these two list items off back-to-back, but it just so happened that when you buy a Goosebumps book as a 30-something-year-old Millennial, there is an immediate Pavlovian response that occurs and urges you to attend a Scholastic Book Fair.
Especially when you were an “Amazing Library Kid” in 1995.
A quick summary for those of you who might now know what I’m talking about:
- Goosebumps = a series of children’s horror fiction novels by American author R. L. Stine, published by Scholastic Publishing.
- Scholastic Book Fair = when elementary school libraries are transformed into mini bookstores and kids can choose what they want to buy from a catalog of books, toys, and other goodies. A much anticipated event for the youngest of bookworms and nerds alike.
Because my generation loves a good meme, I first wanted to share some of my favorite Scholastic book fair + Goosebumps memes.
I received a gift certificate to one of my favorite local book stores, Book People, for my birthday from a friend that really understands my deep love of books. I figured that it would be the perfect time to choose a Goosebumps book to read! They had many of the original series as well as some of the spin-off series’ editions. (There have also been TV series and 2 movies made based on this series; it’s quite prolific, so it’s weird that I even feel the need to explain this to you.)
I have always been a sucker for anything to do with ancient Egypt (did anyone watch Moon Knight?!), so I chose the 2nd book in the series — The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb.
I read through the book in about 45 minutes 😅 which makes sense given that I can barrel through a 400+ page novel in a weekend when I’m really into it. I forgot how well-mastered R.L. Stine is in the cliff-hanger. Every chapter end is perfectly crafted to lure you in to turning the page and reading just one more chapter, just one chapter, just one more chapter.
If you read my previous post about having nightmares, you can probably already guess that my parents highly discouraged me from reading Goosebumps books after dark. Yet, when else would I have time to scare myself silly and read about ancient Egyptian curses and mummifying little kids alive?!
I don’t want to give away the plot of twists of the book (just in case you decide to pick it up 😄), but like I said, it really got me in the mood to go to a book fair and see what they had evolved into in the last 20ish years.
Scholastic has a website dedicated to the book fairs where you can search for fairs by zip code. Lo and behold, a book fair was happening down the road from my house the exact day that I searched for one! At three different schools! I decided that it would probably be best to reach out to the parent volunteers ahead of time so as not to come across as creepy — an adult with no children just “checking out the book fair” could be construed negatively by some.
As I was drafting up an email, a thought popped into my head that might make this situation a bit less awkward. This would be a great opportunity for me to give a little, to give the joy of reading to some kiddos in my neighborhood. I chose a small, private school that focuses on educating children with dyslexia, Bridges Academy Austin, and decided that I wanted to attend their book fair and donate some books to their library.
The book fair parent volunteer was stoked to receive my email, and she connected me to the director of the school who was equally as thrilled. We set up a time when I could come in and tour the school as well as attend the fair without the students present the very next day.
When I arrived, the director welcomed us (brought husband along), gave us a tour of their four-classroom school, and then showed us the book fair that was set up against the wall of the largest classroom. For such a small school, they really had a lot of options! It wasn’t quite as overwhelming as I had remembered, but the director told me that the kids had been so excited to shop for books that a lot of the inventory was already gone.
The director led me to a table where she had a bunch of books laid out. She said that these were the ones that the teachers had picked out as some that they wanted for their classrooms. The titles were diverse and they were hoping that they could use just a couple of them next year as a part of their curriculum and add the rest to their small (but mighty) library.
And y’all — have you ever been in a crowded bar and yelled, “this round’s on me!” or decided to pick up the tab after a big meal out with a bunch of friends? That feeling you get when you can just take care of a lot of people and feel like a badass boss bitch at the same time?
That’s what I did.
I said, “I want to buy them all.”
Totally stunned the director — she was not expecting that — and I felt that do-good high all day afterwards. This might have been one of my most successful list items to mark off yet! Not because of having the same feelings that I had as a kid, but knowing that some other kid might get to experience those feelings now, too.
In honor of book fairs and Goosebumps and all of the reading that I loved to do as a kid, I thought I would write a short-story in the style of the beloved Goosebumps books… but for adults. Don’t worry, it’s definitely safe for work! 😉
Enjoy!
The Curse of the Uncleansed Tarot Cards
Chapter 1
Tina was about to start her dream job.
Well, almost. For as long as she could remember, she had wanted to be a published author, to write sci-fi books for young adults. Somewhere along the way, the dream started to seem too big and scary and unattainable, so her goals had shifted. Now she was getting ready for a job as an editor at a major publishing company, specifically working with new writers hoping to publish their first book. It was a bit bittersweet, but she thought it was still a great fit for her.
From a young age, she had always loved helping people — as a kid she would sneak out of her house on Sunday mornings to walk a block over to a neighborhood church that hosted a weekly soup kitchen. She would find an adult volunteer who looked like a mom and quietly work next to them, ladling and scooping food onto people’s plates. While her own mother didn’t love waking up to an empty bed where her daughter was supposed to be, it was almost impossible for her to be angry with Tina.
Tina also loved to write, with all of her soul. She was a member of every poetry club at each school she attended. She had written a novel by the age of 10 (about her Barbie dolls and their relationships with each other, but still, it was twelve chapters long), and she became the go-to person in her friend group in college to edit all of their thesis papers. When she started writing science fiction short stories during senior year, she knew that she had found her passion.
There had once been a lot of potential for Tina to become a real writer, but she suffered from severe social anxiety. Just the idea of going on a book tour, reading short excerpts in front of total strangers, gave her gas (the stinky kind) and made her sweat profusely. She had once played a tree in a school play and had fainted on show day — her stage fright was overpowering.
But being an editor? That seemed more doable. She would be behind-the-scenes, supporting up-and-coming authors in their endeavors to go on book tours and do all of the things that Tina had recurring nightmares about. She would be safe in the shadows.
That being said, Tina was still feeling anxious about her first day at this new job. Her best friend, Patricia, had come over the night before and gifted her a set of tarot cards. Tina replayed the conversation she had had with Patricia, discussing some of the specific cards in the deck — it had unfortunately left a bad taste in her mouth.
“So will these cards tell me if I’m going to, like, die in a terrible accident?” Tina asked Patricia, aware that the question was a little naive. Tina didn’t really believe in tarot, but it was fun to pretend.
“No,” Patricia responded with a laugh. “There is a Death card, but it doesn’t mean a literal death. It usually means that there is a new beginning happening, that something else has passed away to allow for something novel to arrive. It’s probably the most misunderstood card, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it appeared in your reading since you’re starting a new job.”
Tina nervous giggled. “I get it, but I still hope it doesn’t show up. It feels very serious.” Death was one of Tina’s biggest fears.
“I would say that there are other cards that are a lot more serious and that could point to terrible things coming down the road,” Patricia said, grimly.
“Which cards are those?” Tina asked, feeling a chill go down her spine.
“Well, the Ten of Swords would be one. The card depicts someone with ten swords piercing them in the back, and it represents an unwelcome surprise or literally someone backstabbing you,” Patricia explained. “It could also point to a great failure at work.”
“Yikes! Failure at work is not the omen I’m hoping for at this moment,” Tina replied. “Hopefully I don’t see that card for a while either. Which others ones could be bad?” She was just curious. She knew that they weren’t really going to predict her future.
“The Five of Pentacles usually isn’t great either,” Patricia continued. “That card typically points to a time of financial strife, poverty, or adversity and indicates a significant financial loss or failure.”
“Holy moly! I didn’t think it could get any worse, but that sounds like an awful combination,” Tina said. Could this job lead her into financial turmoil? She made a mental note to double-check her budget once Patricia left.
“It’s definitely not great, but the card still holds the hope that others are suffering the same fate. There can be a sense of camaraderie in shared suffering,” Patricia clarified. She had a knack for seeing the positive in every situation.
“Well that makes me feel slightly better,” Tina lied.
“I’d say the one card that I’m the most afraid of is The Tower, one of the major arcana cards,” Patricia said, lowering her voice.
Tina shivered. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, first of all, the artwork is usually pretty disturbing. There’s a picture of a tower, usually being struck by lightning or on fire or both, and there are people jumping out of its windows and headed towards spiky rocks below. It can be really gruesome depending on the deck.” Patricia looked uncomfortable.
“Sheesh, that sounds terrifying. What’s the significance of the card?” Tina asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
“The Tower represents sudden chaos and destruction. It may be a divorce, death of a loved one, financial failure, health problems, natural disaster, job loss, or any event that shakes you to your core, affecting you spiritually, mentally and physically. There’s no escaping it. It means that change is here to tear things up, create chaos, and destroy everything in its path,” Patricia said, citing one of her favorite tarot websites.
Tina stared at Patricia, slack-jawed.
“But don’t worry,” Patricia said, quickly. “It’s all for your Higher Good. It will make you better in the long-term. It could even lead to a huge revelation in your life.”
Tina didn’t feel reassured by Patricia’s forced attempt at optimism. “I guess that’s good then, but that doesn’t mean that I hope I pick it!”
“Yeah,” Patricia agreed. “I wouldn’t want to see that card picked in one of my readings ever.”
Before Patricia left, she told Tina to set the deck of tarot cards outside before she went to bed because the full moon that night would cleanse them. This was an absolute necessity, according to Patricia, before using them for the first time. Tina thought it was a bit superstitious, but went along with it anyway.
Patricia had also left instructions on how prepare the deck before picking a single card each morning for instant clarity, and she had even left a little book behind that explained each of the cards. Even though Patricia’s explanation of some of the worst cards had made Tina nervous, she really wasn’t too worried. What could pieces of paper truly know about her life? She just wanted to have some fun with them.
Tina decided to do a reading first thing in the morning in hopes of feeling better about starting her new job. She went to her back patio to grab the cards, but realized that they had fallen off of the table where she had placed them and had slipped underneath her deck. She wondered how long they had been like that and if the moon had been able to reach them at all. Had they been properly cleansed? She shook away the thought, reminding herself that she didn’t even believe in tarot cards in the first place. Surely they would still be okay to use.
Tina went back inside and sat at her kitchen table after flipping on her coffee maker. She pulled out Patricia’s instructions on how to pull a single card. The first thing on the list was to take a couple deep, meditative, relaxing breaths to get in touch with her intuition.
Tina wasn’t sure what this looked like, especially the “relaxing” part, so she breathed in and out ten times while thinking about all of the different ways her first day could be a complete disaster. It probably wasn’t a great sign that her intuition led her to stressful thoughts.
The second thing on the list was to ask a very clear, specific, and heartfelt question. This was pretty easy, and Tina decided on the question: “How will my first day at this new job go?” Short, straight-forward, a perfect question to ask the cards.
Next she shuffled the cards, split them into three piles, and then put them back together. She laid her hands on top of the deck and asked her question out loud. “How will my first day at this new job go?” She tried to just have this one question in her head, but she could feel herself asking other questions, too.
How will I make a fool of myself today?
Will my new co-workers like me?
What if I am actually a terrible editor?
Did I make a mistake giving up my dreams as an author?
Her head was spinning with worst-case scenarios when she picked up the top card of the deck and turned it over in front of her.
Tina screamed.
Chapter 2
Staring up at her was a burning building. She had picked the Tower card.
She leapt up from the table and put some distance between herself and the card. She tried to remember that she didn’t actually believe in tarot and that Patricia had said that even this card didn’t necessarily mean something bad was going to happen. Just that there was going to be chaos. It could be good chaos.
Who was she kidding? She was scared.
She paced back and forth, keeping her eyes on the card. A million thoughts rushing through her head.
“Well, this is just my luck!” Tina exclaimed, trying to break the tense silence in the room. Her voice echoed in her ears.
She sat back down at the table and studied the card. The artwork was truly disturbing. The people that were jumping out of the building were screaming, and the rocks below them ensured a bloody and gory demise. What could this possibly mean for her new job? She shuddered.
She was focusing on the card so intensely that the sudden sound of her coffee maker made her jump in her seat and simultaneously stub her toe on the leg of the table. She silently cursed. Maybe this was the first sign of chaos?
She left the card on the table and went to prepare a cup of coffee — 1 scoop of sugar and a splash of milk. But when she tore off the seal on the new carton of milk, a putrid odor met her nose.
“What the heck?! I just bought this yesterday!” Tina looked at the carton and searched for an expiration date. How had this milk gone bad overnight?!
She found the date printed on the bottom. It said it expired 6 months ago! No wonder it smelled so awful. She was going to leave a scalding review on Yelp for her grocery store. She pushed down thoughts of chaos and destruction that were rising to the top of her mind.
After she poured the milk down the drain, she went to her room to change her clothes and get ready for the day. She already knew exactly what she wanted to wear and had laid out the outfit on her bed the night before — her favorite pair of wide-leg, navy blue trousers, a white blouse with an understated frilly neckline, and a magenta blazer made out of jersey-knit cotton. She was even going to wear a pair of zebra-patterned flats as a bit of a statement piece. Professional yet creative, and something that she was totally comfortable in.
But as she looked at her bed, all of the clothes were missing. She bent over and looked under the bed, thinking that she must have kicked them off in the middle of the night during a nightmare. But they weren’t there. Tina panicked.
She raced around her room, checking every drawer in her dresser, every inch of her closet, but she could not find her perfect first-day-of-a-new-job outfit anywhere.
“What the heck?! Where are my clothes?” Tina screamed, again trying to break the silence, but this time also out of pure frustration. She could feel herself begin to sweat. She did another sweep of room for good measure, but still came up empty.
This had to be The Tower card in action.
She went into her closet and tried to put together another outfit that would portray her personality the same way as the original outfit would have, but she couldn’t seem to find anything that came close. Since when was her closet so full of boring and dark clothes?
She landed on a pair of black, skinny trousers, a light grey blouse with pearl buttons, and a black cardigan with cropped sleeves. She put on some bright blue heels in an attempt to add some color even though she knew that she wasn’t used to wearing heels and could be a bit shaky in them. She still felt like a haunted version of herself, not the feeling she was going for.
Tina walked into the bathroom to put on some makeup, and glanced at the time on her phone. She had spent so much time looking for her clothes that she was already running late! She decided to skip the full makeup routine, throw on some mascara and powder foundation, and hoped that the bags under her eyes wouldn’t be too obvious.
She ran back into the kitchen, tossed her phone and keys into her purse, and headed to the garage. She opened the door to her Subaru, the most trustworthy of cars, and sat down in the driver’s seat. She took a deep breath to try to calm her nerves. She was leaving the house only five minutes after she had planned and had built in plenty of time for bad traffic. She could still make it with plenty of time.
She stuck the key into the ignition and turned it… but nothing happened. The car didn’t start. She tried again, twisting the key harder, but again, the car wouldn’t start. She couldn’t believe it. First the milk, then the outfit, and now her car? This couldn’t be a coincidence.
She must have left her lights on and drained the battery overnight, that seemed like the only plausible reason for the car not starting today. But when she went to turn the lights off, she found that the dial was already in the off position. It’s like the battery had died on its own.
She could feel herself losing control, but quickly decided to call a ride-share car to take her to the office instead. It wasn’t the end of the world. She could still make it in time.
Thankfully, there was a car just three minutes from her house that accepted her request. She sat on the front porch so that she wouldn’t miss the ride. It felt like everything was working against her, and she began to second-guess accepting this editor position. Maybe she should still try to make it as an author? Was this the universe telling her something?
Tina didn’t have much time to dwell on the thought before her ride arrived. Luckily, it was a totally uneventful drive to the new office, almost no traffic to speak of, and she walked up to the building with one minute to spare before orientation started. She couldn’t believe that after everything that had gone wrong that morning, she still made it on time.
Just as this thought crossed her mind, she felt raindrops on her face. She looked up and saw darkening skies. She felt like she was never going to catch a break.
Hoping to get inside before the rain got any heavier, she quickly reached for the handle to open the front door… but it wouldn’t budge. She looked around and thought that maybe that door wasn’t working, so she tried the other side of the double door. But that didn’t open either. Was this some kind of sick joke?
She took a step back and looked at the building. The rain was coming down in bigger drops now and she could hear thunder in the distance. This was definitely the right building — it had the company’s name on the front of it. She looked at her phone for the time again — it was now one minute past 9 am. Surely the office should be open by now.
Tina briskly walked around the building, trying to find another entrance, but every door she came across was locked. She went back to the main door and tried to peek inside, but it was too dark to see anything.
“What the crud?!” Tina yelled. Now she was spiraling. Everything was going wrong, and she couldn’t help but think that this was a big sign from the universe that she had made the wrong career decision.
She ran to the end of the block, perched under an awning of another store front to stay dry, pulled out her phone, and decided to figure out what was going on. She opened the email application and found the orientation email that the HR department had sent her. She checked the office address for the bazillionith time, thinking maybe there were two offices — but no, she was at the right place. The time listed for orientation was 9:00 am on Monday, June 6th. She looked at her phone. It read 9:04 am on… Sunday, June 5th.
It was Sunday.
Tina couldn’t believe it. She had totally mixed up her days and had come into work a day early. She felt like an absolute idiot.
But then she started to rethink her morning and view everything from a different perspective. Maybe all the bad things that happened to her weren’t the Tower card trying to ruin her day and create chaos. Maybe they were huge hints that she was getting ready for a job that wasn’t meant to start for another 24 hours. That made her feel so much better, knowing that the universe was looking out for her and not that she was under the curse of a tarot card.
She sighed a breath of relief and opened the ride-share application on her phone again. This time she had to wait 7 minutes for her ride to show up, but she was able to stay dry (it was pouring now) and reflect on the morning. Yes, perhaps everything had turned out alright, but she couldn’t shake this feeling that it had happened for a reason. That it was still a hint from the world that this job wasn’t for her. She would really have to think this through.
As she saw her ride approaching, she put her phone away and prepared to get wet. The driver stopped right in front of her and looked in her direction. Tina held her breath and ran into the rain.
But as she took a step off of the stoop that she was standing on, she felt one of the heels from her blue shoes break underneath her foot. Suddenly, she was tripping, falling, heading straight for the concrete sidewalk below her. She tried to balance herself, to break her fall, anything, but the ground was slippery with rain, and Tina felt her head hit the cement.
Everything went black.
Chapter 3
When Tina woke up, she was in a hotel room. And an alarm was going off somewhere. Her alarm.
She slowly sat up, expecting to feel pain from hitting her hand. But she didn’t feel anything. She was sweating a bit, a little cold perhaps, but absolutely no pain. She lifted her hand and felt the spot on her skull that had hit the ground… and there was nothing there. No blood, no bandage. It was like it hadn’t happened at all.
Still in a daze, she grabbed her phone from the bedside table and turned off the alarm. The time and date flashed on the screen for a second. Tina gasped and almost dropped her phone.
9:00 am — Sunday, June 5th.
This didn’t make any sense. Hadn’t it been after 9 am on Sunday when she hit her head? How had she ended up in this hotel room? What was going on?
Suddenly, Tina’s phone began to ring in her hands. She saw Patricia’s name on the screen so she quickly answered the call.
“Hey Tina! How are you feeling? Are you ready for today?” Patricia asked, sounding as cheerful and optimistic as ever.
“Patricia? Where are you? What’s going on?!” Tina pled. She still felt a bit out of it.
“Tina? What do you mean? What’s wrong with you? I’m in the room right next to yours. It’s the day of your book launch!” Patricia replied, sounding thoroughly confused. “I can’t believe the day has actually come!”
Tina felt her breath leave her body. Then it all came rushing back to her.
She hadn’t given up her dream to become an author. She had finally written a sci-fi book that was picked up by a major publisher. She had worked tirelessly to overcome her fear of public speaking. She had flown to California to launch her book in person at a huge bookstore, and Patricia had come with her for moral support.
It had all been a nightmare. The editing job, the Tower card, all of the bad things that had happened. It had all been an unbelievably realistic nightmare.
“Tina? Are you still there? I’m coming over,” Patricia said, promptly hanging up. Less than a minute later there was a knock on the door.
Tina got up out of bed, noticing her favorite outfit laying perfectly unwrinkled on the bed. She opened the door and saw Patricia standing there, already ready for the day.
“C’mon lazy head, let’s get you ready. You look a little out of it. But don’t worry, you’re going to do great today. I’m just so proud of you!” Patricia exclaimed, pushing Tina back into the room, a tear forming in the corner of her eye.
“Thanks, Patricia. I’m glad you’re here. I had a nightmare that felt so real. Everything was going wrong. I think I’m still a little bit traumatized from it,” Tina explained.
“Well, get that out of your head, it wasn’t real. There’s nothing to stress out about today. You’ve practiced reading aloud so many times, and everyone loves your book,” Patricia said.
Tina nodded and gave Patricia a thin-lipped smile, still a little thrown off by the rough start to her morning. She grabbed her clothes off the bed and headed into the bathroom. As she put on her favorite outfit and did her makeup routine, she began to feel more herself. She still couldn’t believe that the nightmare had felt so real. But it had definitely just been a dream. This was her real life. She was a published author.
As she was about done, she heard Patricia say something to her. She went back into the bedroom.
“What did you say?” Tina asked.
“I said that I wanted to get you a little something for the big day. Help you feel better about everything,” Patricia responded, holding a small present out in front of her.
“Oh, Patricia, you didn’t have to do that. I feel better already.” Tina reached for the present and began to open it.
“I know, but sometimes it helps to have a little extra reassurance. I think these could really help bring you clarity about the future. We’ll need to cleanse them before you use them, otherwise weird things can happen, but I hope you like them!” Patricia grinned, clearly excited for Tina to open the gift.
Tina looked down in her hands.
It was a deck of tarot cards.
