The voice note: Chapter 21 of Surviving DEI at Adyen N.V.
The twenty first chapter of Surviving DEI at Adyen N.V. Marie-Anne Leuty (she/her) shares the experience of being allegedly invited into the fintech to do DEI work and The Study Group’s current legal fight to allegedly be recognised and paid for that culturally sensitive and important work.
Hi everyone,
My name’s Marie-Anne and you’re reading chapter 21 of 23 of an educational case study detailing The Study Group’s alleged experience doing specialist DEI work for fintech giant, Adyen N.V.
When I started to write this blog on 27 November 2023, I never envisaged it becoming a 30,000 (and counting) word research paper.
It just came pouring out.
A month later on 26 December 2023, we published this on The Quick + The Brave, our independent, BIPOC founded media platform, evoking the Dutch Whistleblower Protection Act of 18 February 2023.
It’s also available in full here on Medium.
In this chapter, as work continues on the program and the budget allegedly remains unallocated by Adyen N.V. for its development, the personal and community cost takes a toll.
The stress of managing the production allegedly without payment five months into the financial year — while managing the expectations of the community — was excessive. When Obi communicated to Adyen N.V. that he was experiencing symptoms of burnout, allegedly no support was extended to him.
The alleged lack of empathy prompted me to draft of a 36 minute long voice note, at 32 months pregnant, allegedly sent to the Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V. to communicate the community and personal impact of the alleged lack of clarity around the budget.
We look into the role of leadership in eliminating workplace bullying and the importance of creating space for open, safe discussions about mental health at work.
We’ll release chapters daily so follow us for notifications about the latest releases…
The full 30,000 word educational case study was first published on The Quick + The Brave. Visit the blog to read and see full image galleries.
Learn more about and support The Study Group Foundation.
Pre-sale for ‘mini maatje’ ‘Advocates and Allies’ issue soon available via The Quick + The Brave.
By publishing this blog, The Study Group evokes the Dutch Whistleblower Protection Act (Wet bescherming klokkenluiders) of 18 February 2023.
The full act from the Ministry of Interior and Kingdom Relations is available in Dutch and English.
Want to help amplify our story to other media? The Act protects all stakeholders who share it (clause 1a. Duty of confidentiality and data protection).
Chapter 21: The voice note
By the start of May 2023, the team was making great progress with the branding for the program as well as post-production on the podcast and title sequence.
Getting clarity on the budget so we could manage our responsibilities and answer the team’s concerns about late payment of invoices was a priority for us.
In emails and in our face-to-face meetings with our contact, we explained the impact the alleged lack of payment by Adyen N.V. was having on team morale and our ability to operate.
To prevent the situation from escalating into a worst case scenario we needed clarity — and payment.
The feedback from Adyen N.V. allegedly remained positive about the work the team was producing; but the alleged silence and secrecy around the budget and what HR seemingly wanted to see from the program was diametrically in opposition to the urgency needed.
As Obi pointed out in his email, each day without payment for small businesses and freelancers has a domino effect.
It can have a terrifying impact.
While the sticker in the window remained and we continued to come into Rokin, it felt like an out of body experience.
An tokenistic one at that.
We were coming into the office with the design students, program mentees and freelancers; they met our contact; they were visible in the building; they demonstrated the potential of this innovative, inclusive program.
When the Vice President of Creative allegedly met the video director, the [NATIONALITY REDACTED] father of two who lives in the Bijlmer, he enthusiastically shook his hand, supposedly saying:
“I love your work, do you freelance or do you work for a company?”
– Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V.
In the moment, what supposedly appeared to be a reassuring gesture from Adyen N.V., masked the fact that the video director’s invoices were allegedly already a month late.
What kind of impact could these kinds of alleged requests and seemingly conflicting messages have on an individual?
Money continued allegedly to be used as a power play.
No culture.
No contract.
No humanity.
In Joanne Simon-Walters’ TEDx Talk, ‘Leadership in eliminating workplace bullying’, the former HR manager points to some of the issues that have given rise to the high levels of bullying at work that go unacknowledged or unchecked:
“The challenge we face is that much of the behaviour that would be classified as bullying rarely ever rises to the level of what our laws would consider illegal harassment.
“What is bullying? My favourite definition is the characterisation by one international workplace bullying expert who says that workplace bullying is a psychological power imbalance that can be equated to domestic violence.
“In one research study, of those workers who reported being bullied, 80% of them also reported suffering from anxiety; 52% from panic attacks; 49% from depression; and 30% from post-traumatic stress disorder.” — Joanne Simon-Walters
As someone on the receiving end of bullying, there can be a tendency to feel ashamed or minimise what you’re experiencing.
Simon-Walters explains that whether the perpetrator agrees or not that their behaviour is abusive:
“… the physical and psychological impact on me as a person supports my stance that I was bullied because the focus has to be on the impact to the victim, not the intent of the perpetrator.
“It’s about the impact, not the intent.”
— Joanne Simon-Walters
What measures can businesses take to move towards a higher level of morality in a company’s culture?
How can transformational leadership contribute to resolving these issues?
“The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission [in the US] found that there are two ways to address harassment in the workplace. The first is to evoke a change in company culture. The second is to focus on civility.
“In fact, they say that it’s on all of us to be a part of the fight to stop workplace harassment. We cannot choose to be complacent bystanders and expect our workplaces to change themselves.
“That word “bystander” implies passivity, it implies helplessness. When you choose the role of bystander, you give yourself an excuse for not acting. You are not a bystander at all when you choose not to act; you are a reinforcer.
“You reinforce for the bully that their behaviour is welcome and you allow, through your inaction, a toxic workplace culture to prevail.”
— Joanne Simon-Walters
With all the plates that we had to spin to keep the program going, was Adyen N.V. really allegedly expecting us all to continue all this work for free?
We remained consistent with our explanation to the team but naturally patience was wearing thin.
Five months into the year, how much longer would the team have to deal with these alleged delays in payment?
How much longer would we have to manage the concerns, disappointment and frustrations of a team who had committed to the program but who we weren’t able to fully inform.
Revealing the reality of the alleged bias we were facing could have huge implications for us, the community and Adyen N.V.
Who wants to be the whistleblower?
The risks people face when speaking up about abuse they’ve endured or the consequences of alleged malpractice are well documented.
From #MeToo abuse survivors dragged through the press in the run up to Harvey Weinstein’s conviction to Edward Snowden living his life in secrecy for a decade having leaked information about the National Security Agency and countless others.
These are nightmare situations to endure in the name of truth.
It was (and at the time of writing continues to be) a huge amount of pressure for two people allegedly invited into a multi-billion tech company to manage.
We were trying to contain the situation.
We’d been brought in to address the alleged lack of representation in Adyen N.V. because of our experience and expertise in culture. By doing the work to understand Adyen N.V.’s work culture, the program could contribute to finding ways for the Dutch company to supposedly embark on its journey to become more inclusive and diverse.
The process would involve looking at alleged systemic issues within the company and articulating them based on our experiences to date with career.
It’s no exaggeration that this was our life’s work.
Obi and I have had very different levels of access to opportunities and we pour our experiences into the program. We’d both had the chance to work on community focused projects as well as within corporate, agency and freelance roles.
On the more personal side, we have bi-cultural families.
Sometimes we have to have uncomfortable conversations about race, culture, bias and privilege.
As a racially ambiguous woman of colour, the privileges I’ve been afforded by having ‘light skin’ are an uncomfortable truth for that uncle who insists on holding on to outdated perspectives.
It takes time for understanding and awareness to develop once issues are identified and communicated so we know that there aren’t quick fixes to the systemic issues we see in workplaces.
In a time when cancel culture is rampant, one has to consider how change happens and at what pace.
At The Study Group, we don’t believe that progress is made by cancelling people.
While no change happens overnight, cancelling people doesn’t fix things.
It prevents dialogue that can lead to impactful change.
Dialogue gives people the chance to change.
We had no right to assume the worst or demonise the company so if Adyen N.V. allegedly needed more time to align, we’d respectfully give the team the space to do that.
At the end of the day, their alleged goals might be more focused on — in no particular order — 1) marketing image and 2) having a culturally diverse workforce.
HR allegedly demonstrated a lack of awareness that the situation needed to be fixed.
But lack of awareness is human.
We can choose to grow from these moments.
Still, the allegedly conflicting messages and seeming lack of communication and clarity about the budget were having a negative impact on our mental health.
Self-doubt creeped in.
Were we doing something wrong?
Had we done something for HR allegedly not to want to engage us?
Did I mismanage communication?
I started to blame myself for things that were outside of our control while decisions were allegedly being made about the program without consideration or our input.
While there’s a way to go, when it comes to awareness about mental health at work, huge strides have been made in the past decade.
But as Tom Oxley explains in his TED Talk, ‘Workplace Mental Health — all you need to know (for now)’:
“… we just don’t talk enough about mental health in our workplaces until we’re past breaking point.”
— Tom Oxley
Talking openly about mental health makes us feel vulnerable.
Having had burnout while working full-time for a tech company, I saw how things could spiral. I had well-meaning managers with good intentions and high workloads who didn’t have the bandwidth for much more than 15–30 minute appointments.
On top of that, how could straight, non-racialised men be aware of the issues I was dealing with as a queer woman of colour? Learning how to advocate for myself was a work in progress and unfortunately burnout manifested before support came.
Fortunately as a full-time employee, I was able to get access to company doctors and take paid time off work before ‘reintegrating’ with a steadily increasing number of hours at work over weeks and months until returning to full hours after a doctor’s assessment.
If you’re a small business owner or freelancer though, you must fend for yourself.
Oxley points to the lack of support and training managers get when it comes to supporting their teams and the impact this can have on individuals:
“[Employees] can’t speak up to their manager. The manager doesn’t know how to have a conversation. The employee doesn’t know if the manager is going to support them or stigmatise them or say ‘well we’re all stressed, mate’, or manage them out of the organisation.
“Leaders who talk about mental health universally gain respect. Same with managers. Managers, you need to talk about mental health in the workplace. You need to train managers to spot the signs and the symptoms.
“Know what to say; know when to say it; know when to shut up; know when to listen; know how to have a human conversation.
“Your people don’t need you to throw loads of money at this. What they want from you is your commitment that they can speak safely about mental health.”
– Tom Oxley
The pressure was mounting.
On 2 May 2023, we had another confusing call with HR.
The team allegedly decided that they wanted to work with us to develop elements of the program and start to work on briefs for internal recruitment projects:
- Events
- Second season of the podcast
- Business support and mentorship for us and the program participants
- Internal podcast for new starters at Adyen N.V. to be produced by The Study Group
- Creative books to accompany the internal podcast for new starters at Adyen N.V.
- Community projects such as the community fridge
The Vice President of Creative allegedly shared a working document for us and HR to supposedly both contribute to so all parties could allegedly give input on next phases of planning.
It was a strange experience.
Our contact on the one hand seemingly pushed to get support within the company for the program and on the other an apparent continued lack of input, communication or consideration from HR.
And still no mention of budget.
Were we actually losing our minds?
Were we asking too much?
At 27 weeks pregnant, the uncertainty directly impacted what should have been a period of us starting to wind down for maternity leave and setting up a nursery. With no family in the country, we knew that I needed to be careful.
It was a huge amount of pressure for a first-time dad to handle even without the uncertainty and financial strain we were under.
Having seen me go through burnout, Obi identified that he was experiencing symptoms.
Lack of payment meant he wasn’t able to access a diagnosis or treatment from a doctor or therapist.
The only person we could inform was our main contact.
On 8 May, Obi sent him a WhatsApp:
Hi [NAME REDACTED],
I’m not able to make it in today, this weekend I have been sick with stress, I was hoping to be in a better place this morning — but I’m still experiencing this migraine so I need to recover.
I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to keep the team together and keep the accountants informed about the project progress and plans for payment.
Last week ended without clear information about how the 2nd year (and originally mentioned 5yr) sponsorship plan would work out. The fallout of this situation has been too much for me to carry. The speed of developments with Adyen N.V. have been too slow and it’s causing me to experience the beginnings of burn-out. Not a great position for me to be in professionally, creatively or personally.
I have not worked in tech before and am not used to this way of working. I did have hope that we could bring positive impact to Adyen N.V. through a collaboration, but I have to also look realistically at the type of support available to me to run such a program and with that accept that there is only so much I can do.
What I can work on today is responding to your shared document with points/questions for you and the team. Once there’s some clarity and agreements available from your side we should write up an agreement plan for the service work Adyen N.V. expects from me (and TSG), the duration of the work, agreed payment and other relevant terms.
From there we should begin working forward. I really like the prospect of working with you and Adyen N.V. and developing this program, but I also need assurances and payment since this is work. We’ve mentioned the lack of payment from our last invoice until this month. We mentioned invoices that have arrived from the creative team for the past few months that are resting on my shoulders.
I’ve tried to keep the team inspired and informed — but I’ve now run out of excuses and struggling to find a way to manage the failing enthusiasm of a team who are seeing me struggle to pay myself, let alone them.
I’ll add all my points/questions to the doc by 14.00 today so the team can get back to me when there’s more info from Adyen N.V.’s side about if/how we move forward
Hope you understand and sorry for the late message, I was hoping to have felt better this morning but I think it’s important for me to address my mental health in this situation.
— WhatsApp from Obi to Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V.
Our contact got back:
Hi Obi. I am sorry you feel this way. Give me a call when you feel better.
— WhatsApp reply from Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V.
How was this best practice?
Where was the empathy?
How was this supportive?
We were communicating as clearly and gracefully as possible to make ourselves understood but the awareness and care we needed seemingly wasn’t available.
Obi saw our contact as a mentor — as someone from a working class background who’d built their creative career through self-initiation, he had more of an understanding of Obi’s journey than most.
In a meeting back in January, he’d allegedly said to me that he believed that:
“… if Obi worked at Adyen N.V., he would be Vice President of whichever department he was part of.”
– Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V.
He was someone to look up to as a parent too having shared his journey balancing family and work with us.
We thought the respect was there but it seems respect can only exist when there’s humanity.
It seems there wasn’t an equal measure of humanity shown to us.
No culture.
No contract.
No humanity.
Lost for words at this shocking lack of empathy, over the next two days, I sat and wrote and wrote.
It became the transcript of a 36 minute voice note sent over WhatsApp to our contact.
At 32 weeks pregnant, it was an attempt to fully communicate the impact that alleged inaction around allocating the budget was having on our team, the progress of the program and ourselves professionally and personally.
I shared our observations:
Like at most companies we see that lack of diversity is an issue at Adyen N.V.
We’ve had conversations with Black and brown members of Adyen N.V.’s team who are ERG members explain what their experiences have been like when it comes to burnout and feeling supported or seen at work.
During our preliminary research last summer one person shared with us that they’ve left [NAME REDACTED] because it was unsafe for them as a queer person of colour — it was an unwelcoming and dismissive space that lacked awareness about the experiences of BIPOC people.
Unfortunately from personal experience, this is all too familiar.
These were things that we were able to shoulder when we were being paid for our time and work so we could create a positive experience for the mentees and freelancers from the community — but the pressure to shoulder this without being paid by our main sponsor is too much.
You’ve been putting in the time and effort to connect us with other departments but since the additional teams have been involved, your efforts are being dismantled unknowingly or otherwise.
We’re not trying to compete with the teams, the point is that we collaborate with them to enrich diversity in the company — we’d actually like nothing better than to collaborate with them but there’s been no initiative from their side to connect with us — it’s all still come from you.
It’s frustrating for us to see that you’re not being supported in the company with this having done so much of the work to support us so far.
With two more people involved to facilitate things, it’s disheartening to see the project now grinding to a halt. We don’t want the team to see what we’re doing as a threat to the initiatives they’re leading when we want to build with them.
All this to say, we’ve shared our best ideas and concepts with the team [at Adyen N.V.] and in return received no helpful feedback, it seems like our ideas and concepts are being taken and repurposed while at the same time our financial support has been stripped away.
To have a group of non-racialised people decide that we don’t need money to continue with the work we’ve started and are still being encouraged to do is devastating.
It disempowers us because our finance has been so severely damaged we need to consider serious actions and consequences for the project.
Being told in our meeting that the budget spent so far on [BRAND NAME REDACTED] is the biggest investment made in DEI is damaging to hear because where does that leave us?
It shows me that Adyen N.V. seriously lacks awareness around what people like me, Obi and the community actually need and that they can cherry pick what support they’re willing to give.
Talking about money in such a flippant way is a power play that’s been used as a reason to undermine the specialised work we do.
There’s no one else in Adyen N.V. doing this internally or as a contractor (at least to my knowledge). We’ve invested a lot of time into building up a program that I’ve not personally seen in any other industry or company in the EU.
— Extract from 36 minute voice note sent by The Study Group to Adyen N.V.
It was a big message to put together.
We and our team deserved answers and peace of mind.
We shared with Adyen N.V. our concerns about the longevity of the program; the allegedly triggering and passive interactions we’d had with various departments; the seemingly performative route the collaboration was taking; the impact on the program participants and freelancers who we were unable to pay as we continued to wait on the budget five months into the financial year; the potential impact on the design students’ education with the work developed in their year in industry for their final grades potentially being shelved; the effect on our business operations and ability to keep our studio; our hopes to continue the collaboration and release the podcast; having to call on our retired parents to loan us money to tide us over; the impact on my pregnancy.
I didn’t include the most recent news we’d had about the baby.
Earlier that day, we learned he was breech.
The midwife was very concerned that I was working so much. There was a strong possibility that sitting at the laptop and working full time meant that the baby had turned head up to have more space.
The situation was a lot of things.
Embarrassing.
Personally hurtful.
Professionally belittling.
Medically compromising.
Finally, gone 5pm on Friday 12 May, we sent the voice note.
The next morning, I got a reply from the Vice President of Creative:
Morning. I managed to listen to your voicemail message. I have reached out to [NAME REDACTED] to help me. I will let you know on Monday what she says.
— WhatsApp from Vice President of Creative at Adyen N.V.
The email on Monday from our contact (with the HR department in CC) was odd.
Dear Marie-Anne and Obi,
After our recent discussions, it has come to our attention that we may not be fully aligned on the next steps for our collaboration with the Study Group.
At Adyen, we approach projects in an iterative manner, and as we discussed earlier, we are eager to continue working with you on various projects. However, we would like to explore a different approach that we believe will be more scalable for both the Study Group and Adyen.
Our proposed focus entails hosting events in collaboration with Adyen wider teams and ERG, leveraging our business knowledge, facilities, and equipment, and collaborating on campaigns and community projects at Adyen. We are confident that this approach will bring about a wealth of knowledge, inspire meaningful work, and facilitate a stronger network within Adyen for you.
We apologise if this change in approach deviates from your expectations. Nonetheless, we firmly believe that by concentrating on the projects we have identified together in our previous meetings, we can create a significant impact through our collaboration. We remain committed to achieving success together.
To discuss how we can move forward, we suggest meeting over a cup of coffee.
— Email from Adyen N.V. to The Study Group
No alleged acknowledgement of the voice note or its content.
No alleged mention of budget allocation.
By publishing this blog, The Study Group evokes the Dutch Whistleblower Protection Act (Wet bescherming klokkenluiders) of 18 February 2023.
The full act from the Ministry of Interior and Kingdom Relations is available in Dutch and English.
Want to help amplify our story to other media? The Act protects all stakeholders who share it (clause 1a. Duty of confidentiality and data protection).
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