My Child Has ODD (Part 2)

Check out My Child Has ODD (Part 1) here.

Recap.

Just a recap from my previous story. Bee, my daughter, was diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD in the 3rd grade. She was taken off her medication and therapy because of a financial situation in my life.

Bee started remote learning in the 6th grade due to COVID and the decision as a parent not knowing, at that time, what this illness could bring to the table. I would soon find out that remote learning was not the best decision for her.

Sneaky Learning.

I have always limited Bee’s social media presence. I feel like she was too young to be on social media, this is just my opinion.

With remote learning, the school system checks out laptops to the students and the teachers would teach through a particular video software. They would give the students assignments and were able to check their work.

The naive parent I was, didn’t micro-manage my child. I assumed that since it was a school laptop, that there would be restrictions placed in the system for different apps and websites. That was not the case at all.

During the school lessons, they taught the children how to open up other tabs and other screens so the students could use multiple apps at the same time. So when I would go over to her and check out what she was doing, she would hit a button and it looked as if she was doing her work.

Her first report card came, her grades were good. The second one came, her grades were going down. The third card came and she was failing. What happened? I asked my child and she said the classes were hard, but she would get with the teachers and see what she could do. She started emailing the teachers right then and there. I told myself, “Well she is making the initiative. Cool, I’ll give her the benefit of a doubt.”

The 4th semester grades come out and I see multiple zeros. So, I call the school. They tell me that Bee has been showing up for attendance but has not participated and has not turned in assignments for these classes. “So, what is she doing?”

I wait until after dinner to check her computer. I go to her internet history and when I tell you the things I saw on her history, definitely cannot be discussed in this story. I was mortified that I would have to discuss them with her. I know without a doubt that we are curious beings but to see them from my 11/12-year-old daughter, I was not expecting.

The Talk.

I calmly called her into the living room with her laptop open. The look on this girl's face, Bee knew she had been caught. She instantly was defensive. As I asked questions, she kept getting angrier and angrier. Then the situation escalated. The rage in her came out. This was the first time she had physically hurt me. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to say or to do except tell her to go to her room and we will talk about it later.

I went to my room and cried and cried. About 30 minutes later, I left my room to go and check on her, she was asleep. So, now what?

I created a binder. I put all the documents from previous daycare kick outs and school suspensions. I took pictures of her internet history and pictures of my face from where she hit me. I made back up files of all the documents from the binder and put it on my computer. All I kept thinking was if she could do this to me, what else is she capable of. So I would document everything from now on.

The next morning, I called the local state mental health department and told them what happened and the got us in that week. We were screened in and had a follow up appointment that next week.

They asked so many questions, there were new faces. They told us that bipolar disorder should have never been diagnosed to her because of how young she is. So, her new diagnosis would be mood dysregulation disorder and ADHD. I did let them know that I didn’t want her to lose her personality because of the types of medications they had her on, so they did change up to non-stimulants and added a mood stabilizer.

Bee, with me by her side, did pass 6th grade. Next year, I did register her in in-school learning.

7th grade.

This is the year, Bee started going through puberty. Hormones upon hormones. Puberty and a mood disorder.

As Bee started getting more comfortable with the students and teachers, she started getting in trouble again. It started as an argument with a teacher. Then students. Then she started damaging the bus seats. She didn’t want to listen to anyone. She didn't want to follow rules. Bee, let you know that she wasn’t going to, too. But not only did all this start happening, she started harming herself.

You know no one really prepares you for mental health in our children but seeing my child harming themselves, is probably the hardest.

So now as I bring my documentation into the doctors and tell them everything, they brought in a new diagnosis… mood dysregulation disorder and depression. All the did with the medication was add an anti-depressant.

It didn’t get better. The only time it got any better was when I did things her way. If I asked her to do chores, it was an issue. If I asked her if she had homework, it was an issue. She would throw things, hit things, runaway, steal things. I walked on eggshells around my own daughter. But I took videos and pictures of all the things she did.

Bee was not scared of anyone. She didn’t care. She started fighting at school. It was getting super tiring. But I couldn’t give up on her.

She started fighting my husband. My husband was so upset after the third fight that he finally called the police on her. He didn’t press charges. He just wanted her to stop.

We went back to the doctors. I brought all my documentation and the diagnosed her with ODD and major depression. At the end of that appointment, she told them that she has 3 plans for suicide and the doctor sent her to the crisis team. She was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for 5 days. The upped her anti-depressant. I was a hot mess.

Check out My Child Has ODD (Part 3) here.