42 Piscine Day 22

Edit: This is part of a series that culminated here, Next post. Previous post.

Edit2: I consolidated all the posts of the piscine daily posts here

Edit3: You can read up about what it’s like as a cadet at 42 here

I had a chat with one of the prefects, cool guy, one of the coolest I’ve met actually. We talked about the importance of being the kind of person who figures things out, how often when you are programming what you are actually doing is creating the future, making things that don’t exist yet and so you can’t rely on what’s been built before, there is no instructions only pieces of them scattered about. How sometimes you trust a function to work a certain way when you don’t fully understand how it works so debugging is that much harder. As it turns out almost everything we learn in the piscine is considered beginner level for Cadets. I had a good laugh about how the things I find so hard are still considered training wheels. He also had a great point of view from someone who came from a more experienced coding background, for him it was quicker to pick up what was being taught, but was harder to unlearn bad habits he had picked up before. Things like learning coding standards (the Norm) or even how to pick apart base functions and make our own libraries as we do. A lot of what we learned also wasn’t part of any normal curriculum so it was still new to him as well even with knowing a lot of the techniques to solve it already. So he still struggled in his piscine, but with entirely different struggles than myself. I really valued that other point of view about it.

Also he only had great things to mention about the program as a cadet, how it’s made him a better coder, one who understands what’s going on, how positive the environment has been and how much more confident he is now because his code has improved so much.

I can’t think of a more glowing review for 42 than what he said, and the way he said it was with the tone and intent of giving us hints in the right direction. To “not memorize” or “rely too much on github”. We all agreed. I left the conversation feeling relieved, hopeful, and grateful for the insight. But later on I began to realize that I’m probably a lot less ready skillswise than I hoped or thought I was.

Also a sidenote, there is one guy here who most of consider one of the smartest of the piscine. He had no experience programming but has picked it up incredibly fast, so even though my own experience makes me skeptical that someone with no experience could do great, there is at least one exception I know of. He did prepare for the piscine ahead of time though by reading the C programming language by Kerninghan and Ritchie, which is the book most recommended for those who come to the piscine. He has also made an effort to spend a lot of his time with other smart people, and came into it already humble, focused and ready to learn. So it can be done, not by me but it can be done.

Also today was the first day for the new cadets coming in, some of my friends were friends with them already from their previous piscines. One of them said in passing that the last piscine they changed the amount of points each question is worth, which shifts it decidedly harder as before the minimum to pass the final was to have mastered a smidge more than all of the level 2 questions, now one would have to have mastered more than the level 3. This has made me concerned and also somewhat defeated. I could have maybe pulled off learning the parts I don’t fully understand about level 2, I’m not sure I can pull off most of lvl 3. I’m not the only one feeling defeated either, there is a sizable group of people barely coming to the lab anymore, already mentally having given up, I see them at lunch or out playing basketball, we trade conversations in the hallway, but they are rarely in the lab. They are passing time until their flights leave on Saturday, perhaps there is some sliver of hope to still get in, but I’m not so sure. One of my friends picked up how I was almost a professor in China and has started looking into teaching english abroad jobs, I worry that’s his way of giving up as well. The count in the lab today is about 71. I ended up taking a nap today to try and shake that feeling of defeat so that I will actually try to get something done. This is more a mental battle with myself than anything.

Unrelated to the piscine but still part of how I’m feeling about learning to code is that earlier today I was reading comments on hacker news about how to be a better programmer and I recognize many of the practices in place here which made me only more impressed with what 42 is trying to do. I came away making a list of books to read at a later date and made a google doc listing many of the tips on how to make better software, work better in teams and format the code you create. I also watched an old talk by Don Norman entitled it’s all about experience, which oddly enough made me feel better about my past jobs in the service industry and as a Graphic Designer, that a lot of my past experiences could in fact help me to create better software, because I know how to find out what people want, how to speak to them, to find out problems. My delays in getting around to learning to code will have it’s own advantages as I go forward. I mean it won’t necessarily make me better at code, with it will help me to code what matters and work better with others, which are useful skills in their own right.

It’s hard for me to completely put my feelings into words today and the ones I’m finding don’t quite do it justice. In some ways I feel almost defeated, but also hopeful at the same time, “Out of my depth” would be the simplest way to put it, but it’s more positive than that, less hopeless so it doesn’t quite fit. It’s more like I thought I was close to being an adult only to realize that I’m still a child, this is simultaneously frustrating and relieving. I feel like I’m on the path, that I’ve gained some much needed perspective and insight about the process to be a great developer, what’s needed and what I still need to learn, but that the overall lessons from said insights are just how little I truly know and how long the journey will really be. It almost feels like if this were a TV show like I’ve beaten the odds at the end of a first episode when there are many seasons yet to follow.

I know I want to attend this school, but the challenge ahead isn’t “beating” the piscine as I thought when I arrived, but rather being good enough at coding that the the challenges ahead(like the final)would seem an obstacle rather than some monumental triumph. The piscine is just a beginning, it’s actually the easy part. I want to be a great developer, I’m not convinced that I’m there yet, so the question becomes what comes next. Do I retreat to learn as much as I can on my own and return at a later date, do I push myself to the extreme to try again immediately? Could I mange to pull off some sort of last minute miracle and get in the first time as I’m often known to do? But the larger question is would I feel ready and prepared if I got in the first time, would it be enough? Would the vote of confidence of having gotten in be enough to make me feel worthy of the opportunity, and how much of my current self doubt is unfaithful to the reality of the situation? I don’t actually know. I only know that I feel like I’m lacking the skills to accomplish the task ahead despite having learned and grown so much, despite having done more in less than a month than I previously believed possible, all I see ahead is a lifelong journey to improve my craft of coding. I’m grateful, I’m humbled, I’m doubtful of my chances to pass the upcoming final. We will have to wait and see.

Week 3 photos have come out, I’ve still managed to not end up in any of them. Usually I try to dodge cameras but here I haven’t, somehow I’ve just not been photo worthy so far despite always being about 5 feet away from whatever was. Speaking of photos here are some links.

Check the twitter page for other photos to see what it was like.

week 1 photos here

week 2 photos here

week 3 photos here