42 Piscine Day 23
Edit: This is part of a series that culminated here, Next post. Previous post.
Edit2: I consolidated all the posts of the piscine daily posts here
Edit3: You can read up about what it’s like as a cadet at 42 here
Yesterday I had just about mentally checked out, like someone hanging from a cliff losing their grip, fingers slowly losing strength, only four fingers hanging on, then three, then two, then at the last moment another pair of hands reach out and pull you up to safety. I may be being dramatic, but I was on the verge of giving up, and someone did care enough to pull me out of my mental rut. Took the time to chat with me about what things were holding me back, to give advice and then most importantly came and sat with me to follow up and to make sure I understood. The followup was where the magic was, because it was unprompted, unasked for and above and beyond the call of duty. How can someone give up on themselves when other people are rooting for them? Thanks man, you saved me.
Due to that interaction last night, today has been the most productive since Friday (it’s Tuesday now). I’m going back over all the old assignments, making sure I can get through all of them and they are going a lot faster now (significantly so). It’s reminding me of a lesson I learned from my past in art, so bear with me it’s storytime.
I’m learning to code coming from a background in Art. I’ve always made art and I probably always will, but my medium changes, my approach changes. What I create is shaped by who I am, and what I make helps to shape who I become. When I read articles like Paul Graham’s Hackers and Painters I find comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in how I feel about this, about being one who does both. Perhaps I approached it backward chasing art first, but circumstances were such I had more access to people who would teach me painting and photoshop than I did to those who could teach me HTML and C (despite looking for them). But today’s workflow has reminded me of one of the most valuable lessons I learned as an artist.
I was taking a painting class at university, my professor was one who had previously taught at the Art Center in Pasadena (one of the most prestigious design schools). We were lucky to have him as a professor but the relationship between student and professor felt a lot like having an unloving father, you would try and try and try for approval and only be given the slightest of acknowledgment. To receive something as small as a “good job” was impossible, we were held to the highest standards and pushed ourselves past them. I constantly pulled all nighters, using my time immediately after waking up to do my design and planning (sketching, color theory and the like) and then using the long slog of sleeplessness to do the tedious parts like actually painting, you know, brush strokes and filling it in. During our third week once we understood the flow of the class and knew what was expected of us our professor proclaimed that this week there would be only one project, and it was to be our masterpiece, all time would be dedicated to just this project and that he expected great things from us (contrast this with our usual 5–14 a week). So we did our part, we lost sleep, we worked our assess off, reviewed each others work at odd hours of the morning, and really did everything in our power to make the best piece of work we were capable of. Presentation day comes, we put our pieces on the wall, we are given critiques, we take notes on how we would improve it later. Then once the class had been graded, he told us that the real grade for the day would be in our ability to destroy what we had made and to “kill our babies”. People cried, I came close to tears myself. Some people took the failing grade instead of crumpling their painting. Then after we had calmed down some he lectured us on how “you are not your art” to “remove your ego from your work” and instructed us that the assignment for the next week was to create the same piece, but this time better, this time faster and this time while actually making time to sleep. Then to do it once more. So we did, in less than half the time, and it was the most valuable lesson I ever learned as an artist. What we made the third time was infinitely better than what we made the first, and we learned more from this than nearly any other project. I also learned to decouple my self esteem from the work I had created, and to be comfortable doing things again and again until I gained the skills instead of grasping the pride felt from the first accomplishment.
That’s how it’s been today with the code I’ve been working on, I am remaking things, things I sort of already know how to do, and I’m learning more this time than I even thought to know the first time. I may be learning more in the next three days than I had previously learned in the three weeks before, and this right after I was on the verge of giving up.
This morning at 8 am there were only 3 of us. Right now at 7 PM the count is around 75. Almost everyone here is working hard, either studying for the exam or working on the BSQ project in teams. Everyones mood seems improved and spirits seem higher, at least for those who are still working.
Until Tomorrow then.
