200lbs of Herculean Man Meat
Yesterday I told you the story of somersaulting over my horses’ neck into a river and popping out of the ground like a gopher. If you haven’t read that yet, you can do so here.
Today’s story is about Saturday morning, the day after my turtle backed fall.
I had a 6 hour workout (a Brick) planned with my trainer Martin.
Last minute, he cancelled because a client of his gifted him a stay at Wilbur Hot Springs. And can you really blame the guy for picking a free, relaxing soak in the mountains over a 6 hour sweat fest with a weird horse girl who smells like a yak?
Fortunately, my favorite resident beefcake Desmond came to the rescue. He suggested we do sprints at the Piedmont track.
So 7am I bundle up and brave the 37 degree weather (anyone on the east coast is laughing at me for thinking 37 was chilly) and head on down to the track.
Well this smart man brought resistance bands, so we basically took turns water skiing behind the other as we tried to stop each other from running.
THEN we found this giant metal football sled with a 45lb weight plate on it and thought it would be a good idea not to just push this thing down the field, but to push each other on it down the field.
Well Desmond the lucky bish only had an additional 152lb addition to the already 100lb sled.
Me on the other hand? I had to push 200lbs of straight up tattooed Herculean man muscle, bringing my grand total to 300lbs of sled push agony.
Well, it was agony for one of us 🙄
After a bunch of rounds of this, we were both gassed, so we went our separate ways and decided to meet up at the barn in a few hours (his Bumble date bailed on their coffee date so I got to reap the benefits of his free afternoon. San Francisco Gabrielle, if you’re reading this, thanks for never giving Desmond your number!)
Our first mile and a half journey, we took Don Diego, a silly little baby horse… and walked him like a dog. Except if a dog was 1,200lbs and spent the entire time trying to climb into your lap.
We did successfully manage to teach him to cross water, though!
The only downside was that Diego definitely needed to see that someone could both cross the water, and stand in it so he could evaluate its depth, so I stood there like an idiot in the middle of the stream, water soaking my boots and socks. This made for a most miserable additional 7 miles of hiking. But whatever doesn’t kill me makes me derby ready.
After we took Diego home, we went off on foot ourselves and did half the water loop I did the day before. You know, the one where I washing machine’d over Elijah’s head and landed on my back in a tangle of river rocks and scared little horse hooves.
It was on this sloppy, wet footed hike that Desmond shared with me his love of EATING CONTESTS.
So we did a quick little deep dive into eating contests in the bay area and planned a scheme for him to go RUNNING IN THE HILLS ALONGSIDE ME AND MY HORSE and then boogie on over to American Sushi House to down a 4lb, 18" sushi roll.
Desmond can take the sushi. I’ll take that guy ^
Enough about sexy hunks of man meat (ok, it’s never enough, but I have more story to tell).
After Desmond left to go do the normal things one might do after 4.5 hours of working out, I decided it was the perfect time to hop on a horse and ride 5 miles and try to make it home before sunset.
Spoiler alert: we did. (mom, you can breathe a sigh of relief!)
The only real thing worth mentioning is that on our ride, Toni tried to charge a field full of cows. Which would have been okay, except these cows legit get sold to Japan for HELLA MONEY because they’re a fancy grass fed, free range situation.
So I’m literally riding through fields of Kobe Beef.
Never thought I’d be able to say that…
That night, I got home and begged my roommate to massage my calves while we “watched” This Is Us.
I say “watched” because it took me only 12 minutes to fall asleep on his chest while he cried his way through the show. Damnit, I hate missing men crying.
The next day, I was met with a mostly okay body and a horse that tried to throw us off a cliff. But that’s all for tomorrow’s story ;)
I’ll see you on the next installment of “Will Molly live to see another day??”
Oh, and if you’d like to get some stories in person, or do the same things with your body that I do to make mine feel better after these crazy adventures, come do some yoga with me!
Class is 100% donation based and all donations to go my Derby fund.
Tuesday March 19 at 6:45pm at Working Body. You can sign up here.
or
Friday March 29 at 7:30pm at Flying Studios
Hope to see you there!
xoxo
Molly
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