“Alpha Male” is Code for Total Douche
When it comes to men, there are a lot of legitimate red flags women need to watch out for. Being too close to his mother can be a big problem. Oddly enough, not being close enough to her can be a red flag, too. Honestly, that one’s a really fine balance.
If there’s one thing that should immediately designate a man as a no-fly zone, it’s any guy who refers to himself as an alpha male. It’s a warning to any woman this guy is probably arrogant, obnoxious, and a borderline halfwit. Simply put, it is essentially a label letting you know he’s a douche.
Where Did Alpha Male Come From?
The concept of alpha and beta males was developed to describe hierarchical structures and interactions in the animal kingdom. In 1982, primatologist Frans de Waal suggested in his book about chimpanzees that some of the same concepts MIGHT be applicable to humans.
Naturally, we ignored the word “might” and ran with the idea that human men fall in the categories of alphas and betas. Throughout the 1990s and into the 2000s, the idea that alpha males were the top 1% of men proliferated, leading to supposed betas trying to find ways to catch up.
In this context, alpha males are defined as the strong, successful types. Depending on which blogs you read, they have to lift a certain amount of weight, make the right amount of money per year, or buy the right type of suit. Be a manly man. And women theoretically love them for it.
Betas, on the other hand, are unsuccessful in all aspects of their lives. They are weak and poor, and most certainly don’t have the right woman on their arm. In case you haven’t picked up on this yet, it’s all a bunch of generally misogynistic and frequently homophobic bullshit.
Real Alpha Males
As a general rule, anyone who self-defines as an alpha male is a boorish, domineering asshat. I hate to generalize as I’m sure there are alpha males who are actually decent people. I have yet to meet one but statistically speaking they have to exist.
The problem is alpha males aren’t real. It is a zoological concept appropriated by pickup artists to sell books to lonely men. And it worked. Like so many other complicated psychological concepts out there, “alpha male” is a marketing gimmick used to get men to spend money on gym memberships and fancy cars.
In reality, calling yourself an alpha male is just a way to cover your absolutely terrible personality. Does being that obnoxious make you a dick? Of course not! You’re an alpha male which makes it okay for you to treat people, particularly women, like absolute trash.
Additionally, an alpha male’s success is often an illusion. A façade of false bravado, steroid-enhanced muscles, and an alarming amount of credit card debt is a great way to appear successful. Their lives are about as real as that Instagram “model” you follow online.
Real Men
Do you know what a real man is? I don’t, because there is no one definition for what makes a man. But the common point is making the right choices for you and those around you regardless of how hard those choices are. It sure as hell isn’t about the car you drive or the suit you wear.
A good man is assertive but not domineering. He is sensitive but not submissive. He is kind but not weak. It’s a difficult tightrope to walk, to say the least. At the same time, it’s one worth walking, particularly if a man wants to be good to the people in his life.
The alpha male ideology erroneously equates sensitivity and kindness with being submissive and weak. It certainly doesn’t acknowledge the slippery slope from being assertive to being domineering, and the damage that can do to those around them.
Yes, there are women who find themselves attracted to the assertiveness of wannabe alpha males. The reality of dating them is a completely different story. All too often, misogyny is wrapped up in the identity of an alpha male, and they lack basic human decency. But a good man who is assertive, kind, and sensitive will take better care of you in the long run.
