Marriage is Dead
Some societal institutions and conventions are better off ended. Slavery sounds like a good one, despite what some Governors of Florida seem to believe. On the other hand, there are some that may be worth preserving, in one form or another.
Unfortunately, it may be too late for marriage to survive, even as an abstract concept. Some people will celebrate this while others will mourn it. Regardless of your personal feelings towards marriage, it’s hard to argue that marriage, as we know it, may be on the brink of extinction in North America.
Business, Pleasure, and Sometimes Even Love
For a very long time, marriage was a business or political deal. It was how people made arrangements that increased their power, got them new land, or improved their station financially. Admittedly, this was on a small scale for most people. Only the rich get richer.
The concept of romantic love and marrying because of it is relatively recent. People, particularly in westernized cultures, largely lead more comfortable and convenient lives than they did even a century ago. This led to more people marrying for love.
That being said, there is still a large portion of the world where marriages are used for political and financial gain. To be honest, that still happens in a lot in westernized cultures, though in less official ways. Arranged marriages are still prevalent in some countries like India, a practice that can be successful.
Still, marriage for love has become increasingly common. You meet someone, spend time together, fall in love, get married, and build a life. That is the format that has been marketed to us through virtually every aspect of pop culture. What we’re finally realizing is that it doesn’t work.
Marriage for Love is a Scam
Love is fleeting at best. For most couples, romantic feelings fade away, the speed of which is highly dependent on your tolerance for sharing a bathroom with someone. The simple reality is that love is wonderful but it simply cannot sustain a long-term relationship. That takes communication, honesty, openness, mutual respect, and trust.
Divorce rates have skyrocketed in recent years because people get married because they’re in love but it falls apart when they realize that isn’t enough. Then, people start getting frustrated and angry with their partner, sometimes leading to cheating and/or various forms of abuse.
Hopefully, the marriage ends before things get that far, particularly if kids are involved.
Much like the concept of happiness, romantic love is basically a marketing tool, one that has been used to sell an impossible lifestyle. We go into marriages looking for the person who completes us, not realizing until it’s too late that no human is capable of that.
I’m not saying that love is not a piece of the puzzle when it comes to a successful marriage. It’s just that it’s not the most important thing. And if it’s all you have to work with, your marriage is likely going to end up another percentage point in annual divorce statistics.
The End of Marriage
It’s time for everyone to stop looking for a person they love and marrying them. You will fall out of love as quickly as you fell in love. Then, you’ll fall in love with someone else and the cycle of broken hearts managed by lawyers and therapists starts again.
Instead, look for a person who is honest with you. Who cares about you and wants what’s best for you. Someone who respects you as much as you respect them. Find that person you can actually trust. If all of that is on the table, I guarantee love will be there, too.
Also ask yourself if you even need to get married. Some relationships are perfectly fine without the paperwork. If you have a good thing going, don’t mess it up because you grandparents did things differently. Do what’s right for you and your partner.
Despite my stark language, I’m most certainly not advocating for marriage to be abolished. I just want people to ask themselves why they’re getting married, and if it’s really the right choice. Because recovering after marrying the wrong person purely out of love is difficult at best. Trust me.
