Nana wants curry, kiddo a juicy steak and, I want everything
Navigating the 3-generation-family relationship
As it is, the curse of deciding what to cook and eat every day is on us as the human race.
But I tend to look for silver linings and this has a definite silver lining.
Ours is a 3-generation-family household. My eighteen-year-old daughter, my 82-year-old mother, and I.
We have varied tastes. But, all three are foodies.
We have our favorites for sure.
Crossing boundaries and changing cuisines
Mom used to try out all sorts of Indian, continental, and American dishes back home in India.
Of course, we had the advantage of our cook and household help, Maria.
Our menu back home consisted of various kinds of simple food, during the week — fresh seafood curries, quick one-dish meals with an accompanying veggie and carb, grilled stuff, and fancy meat dishes only on Sundays.
Maria was a rockstar in the kitchen! She had memorized more than 30 different chicken curries that mom had shown her.
She could also cook a mean fish or prawn curry — without tasting it as she was allergic — she is a rockstar, I told you so.
So all we had to do was tell her what we wanted to eat and it was there on the table.
Land of Opportunity, is it?
But here, in the land of opportunity. It is a different story.
The toughest part of living in America is that household help is a luxury, not a necessity.
It is also frowned upon by some.
India was different. We were not rich. But we could afford household help.
So, the drudgery of cooking every day was taken care of mercifully!
Household help in the big city meant more time to work — although in Bombay it was more time to commute from work for the employer.
And, it provided much-needed work to women who came from distant tribes and villages.
I always say, if there is one luxury I would like to have here in America — it would be someone to cook for me every day.
Never mind the fancy houses or cars. I want someone to cook for me.
So, planning the daily menu and the subsequent time spent cooking it is a chore.
A real one.
The Daily Drudge
Fast forward to now. Daily struggles of deciding what to cook and eat.
I can honestly say, that the one area of my life that has undergone a drastic change since moving to America is not only the cuisine but the whole thing surrounding it.
It is the most stressful daily decision I have had to endure for more than 20 years, compared to my experience in India.
Who knew that I had to plan, shop, cook, and clean? I never thought it through as a young, idealistic woman of 25.
Had I known, I would have caught the first plane home.
What’s worse is that now, I have to make sure everyone in the house has something that they like to eat.
The Swinging Pendulum of Teenage Tastes
My teen’s food tastes change almost daily. Oh! There are some constants — like avocados, steak, and sweet potato fries.
But, the changes plus navigating her lack of taste and smell since COVID got her, have made planning food menus difficult.
Therefore planning to budget for the grocery list can be challenging.
Sprinkle the silver lining on that dark cloud
I decided early on that my kid was going to learn how to fend for herself.
She, unlike me, likes to cook.
And so, I let my daughter try her hand at cooking at the early age of 9. She cooked chicken, much to my mom’s consternation.
Note: We were not allowed in the kitchen till we were teens.
Mom and I kept a watchful eye on her as she washed the chicken and then prepared it.
The meal was a success!
So, how did I tackle the drama of daily planning? And not wanting to eat what Nana prepared?
I challenged her to cook whatever she wanted to eat.
Thankfully, she is self-motivated and can select, plan and shop for the dish she wants to cook and eat.
So what if I spend more on food? It is after all one of the basic needs we humans have. Right?
But thanks to my liberal view my daughter can now fend for herself if Nana cooks something she does not like.
The air fryer/toaster combo is her best friend.
It is a win in my eyes. My child can cook.
Then there is mom
Mom has always had fine taste. She likes all types of cuisines.
However, the older she has grown, the more she has reverted to eating her childhood comfort food.
This means, dhal and rice, fish curry, prawn curry — absolutely no veggies and of course the myriad spicy Indian snacks from our local Indian store.
But here, since she likes to eat Indian food, I let her cook too. Whatever she likes.
Of course, going to the grocery store is a huge event for her. She likes to browse the aisles as slowly and carefully as I would a bookstore.
I am amazed at some of the dishes she prepares. Long forgotten dishes from the home country.
And her gadgets?
She is very particular about her grinders? I have gone through a series of very fancy Ninja’s until we found this one.
She claims it makes the perfect chutney. Plus grinds her spices into a fine powder.
But, that is another post.
Dishes that her mother, my grandmother prepared more than 40 years ago.
And, her style and execution are so much like her mom’s.
It is a win for her and me. It is what keeps her motivated and active.
Plus, each dish brings back a different memory.
And the stories she tells!
A win against Alzheimer’s too!
Then there is me
Since I do not like to cook, I am the dishwasher, grocery shopper, and everything else.
A win for me. I like preparing appetizers and putting together a meal for guests. But daily cooking is a hard no.
However, having mom and my kid cook is a relief! I get a wide variety of cuisines! What more could I ask for?
Divide and Rule
So, as you can see, dividing the cooking tasks are a sure way to not only encourage culinary skills but also avoid unnecessary meltdowns in the kitchen.
In a house full of women, this is imperative.
How do you manage your daily menu? Tell us in the comments below.
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