90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days Recap, Season 4 Episode 12
A recap of “King of Wishful Thinking,” season 4 episode 12 of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days.
What a week for heartbreak, huh?
Though the latest episode doesn’t feature all of the BT90D couples, the ones that it does focus on are making some sort of headway. Three couples break up, one person meets her fiancé’s ex and finds out that he lied about his divorce, and one person may or may not have finally met his girlfriend of seven years, after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on her and getting a P.I. to tail her ass.
The common denominator among all of these couples is: An unreasonable partner.
Let’s get to it.
Geoffrey (41) and Varya (30) // Ryazan, Russia
We’re back at the forest with Varya and Nipple Tattoos, and he’s just proposed. Varya thinks that they’re moving too fast — maybe they shouldn’t get married now? She’s not ready to leave everything behind in Russia and move to the U.S. Geoffrey interprets this as a straight-up rejection.
The next day, they’re on their way back to Moscow and it’s clear that he’s still pissed. Look at how far ahead he is when they walk to the airport shuttle:
I’m not sure how much time passed, but soon, they’re on their way to the airport again. This time, Geoffrey is flying back to the U.S. and it’s incredibly awkward in the car.
In her confessional, Varya admits that since she rejected his proposal, “our relationship became awkward, more complicated, difficult. But I’m not ready. There’s so many issues, especially his criminal past. I still keep learning him.”
At one point, they pass a bar and Geoffrey asks about it.
“Next time we can go?” Varya says.
“Why would I come here again,” Geoffrey responds with a scoff.
This guy’s a d-bag.
They finally get to the airport and talk on a bench outside. He says he was hoping he’d be going home and Varya would have a ring on her finger, that this relationship could keep going “up and up and up.” She looks terrified by that thought:
Varya says she doesn’t want to make any mistakes when it comes to getting married. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want you to come again,” she says. “I don’t feel like this is the end.”
Geoffrey… is not having it. “I don’t know how to make it any clearer. This is it. I’m leaving. I’m going home. I’m going to live my life apart from you.” This passive-aggressive ultimatum outside of an airport is probably not what Varya had in mind when dreaming about how her soulmate would propose to her.
He hugs her and coldly says, “Thank you. Thanks for the adventure. Good luck” and leaves.
She’s torn, pacing around the sidewalk. AND THEN SHE GOES AFTER HIM. It’s incredibly disappointing to watch, especially after he’s been such a dick to her for the last 24 hours.
Varya tells him that she doesn’t want to let him go as they hug. He looks like he wants the hug to be over while he repeatedly says “I gotta go.”
In his confessional, Geoffrey says that he came to Russia “because I wanted Varya to fill this void in my heart” — a clear sign that he isn’t ready for love.
They part ways and I pray to God she doesn’t reach out to him when he’s back in the U.S.
Ash (38) and Avery (32) // Melbourne, Australia
“After the seminar yesterday, I felt Avery’s intention was to destroy me because she was destroying me with words. She pushed me to the edge.”
I have read those sentences twelve times and I still have no idea what Ash means. But anyway, we find the couple in Avery’s Airbnb, mid-fight. In the last episode, they were arguing because Ash thinks Avery didn’t support him at his sexist seminar. Avery’s annoyed because she can’t believe she’s about to get married to a sexist who gets defensive every time someone questions his beliefs.
“Avery, I’m going to leave right now. If you care, show me something,” Ash says as he rolls his luggage to…the kitchen. And waits there. Like a chump. He begs her to beg him to stay. It’s excruciating to watch someone embarrass themselves like this.
She calmly tells him that the first words he said to her when bringing up the problem were “You’re heartless,” and that it’s not okay to approach someone like that and expect them to listen to you. Ash apologizes for that and says he said it because he was hurt.
They decide to have a constructive conversation to talk through everything… but the conversation never happens in this episode and I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because they have to drive two hours to Ash’s ex’s town to meet Sian (his ex, whom he divorced ten years ago) and Taj (his son), and they don’t want to fight in the car? I’m confused, but not surprised. This couple never wants to confront each other with their issues for fear of rocking the boat.
Anyway, they’re on their way to Sian’s town. Avery says she wants her own hotel room to process things and Ash looks like she just slapped him in the face:
He ends up staying in a different hotel nearby. Sheesh, when he commits to being angry, he really commits.
The next day, they meet up at Sian’s place. Avery’s looking forward to meeting her because she wants to talk to Sian about Taj moving to the U.S. with them. Ash told Avery that Sian is completely open to Taj moving, but as a mother herself, Avery knows that it must be tough to separate a mother from her child. She wants to hear what Sian has to say, right from the source.
Avery and Sian go to a wine bar with the common goal of figuring out what’s best for Taj. After sharing the things they love about Ash (gag), Avery asks Sian about when they were divorced. Sian tells her she and Ash were divorced ONE YEAR AGO. She notices how freaked out Avery looks and quickly says that Ash and her have been separated for years though, so no worries lol.
Ash has constantly said that his divorce happened ten years ago, which is such a huge difference, I don’t know how he’ll save his ass from this. They were still married only a few months before Avery got together with him. When Avery asks why it took so long to get divorced, Sian says that the break-up was amicable, so there wasn’t any urgency.
No urgency for nine years? Something smells capital ‘F’ Fishy.
Avery asks if Ash talked to Sian about moving Taj to America and Sian’s eyes start tearing up. Taj’s mom says that she’s still processing the idea and is deeply upset about it. She can’t even fathom being in a different continent than her son. She’s talked to Ash about staying in Australia with Taj for the next five years because her son needs his father at this age. And maybe Ash could find some way to make his relationship with Avery work long distance?
LOL probably not.
Erika (24) and Stephanie (29) // Port Augusta, Australia
It’s the day after Erika’s dad asked “Do you want some more fried rice?” after Erika came out to her parents. Stephanie wants to show her girlfriend that she’s all in on their relationship, so she’s decided to come out to her mom via video chat.
“Maybe this is the right moment, with my girlfriend next to me and my mom in another continent.”
After exchanging some niceties and concerns about Stephanie’s health, Steph tells her mom she has a confession to make.
“…………………………. I went cage diving with sharks.”
Steph decides that she owes it to her mom to tell her in person rather than over a video call. Erika is super understanding about it.
Later, the couple head over to Adam’s house for a game night with Erika’s friends. (Please keep in mind that Adam is a friend Erika’s hooked up with and the reason why Steph threw an absolute Fit at a house party.) Erika hopes that this party will alleviate Steph’s jealousy.
…But it doesn’t help that Adam greets Erika with a hug and a kiss on the head. I’m convinced he did that on purpose.
The party is awkward in the beginning, but after a game of Privacy, everyone’s having a great time and YAY this couple can finally just relax.
But wait! The next morning, we find Erika and Stephanie waking up in bed (is that how Steph looks when she wakes up?? Share the skincare routine pls). They talk about how Steph wasn’t able to come out to her mom because she’s nervous that it might break her bond with her mom. The mother and daughter moved from the Czech Republic with $1,000 in their pockets, lived on couches when they got to the U.S., and have had to deal with Steph’s health complications. They’ve been through a lot together.
Erika admits that she’s nervous Steph will never come out and that she’ll always be “a friend.” She tells her partner that a similar situation has happened before — in her previous relationship, she was kept a secret because her ex wasn’t ready to tell her mom. The on-and-off relationship lasted for ten years.
“Being kept a secret by my last girlfriend, it really hurt me and I felt ashamed of myself because I felt the girl that I loved was embarrassed by me.”
All of a sudden, Steph flips out.
She becomes angry that Erika has never told her about this relationship, yelling that “[the ex] is the reason you’re pressuring me to come out to my mom.” It seems like she’s projecting her insecurities onto Erika, and it’s not the first time she’s done it.
“There’s supposed to be honesty between us!” Steph screams, unaware that she sounds like a hypocrite because she wasn’t honest with her mom a day earlier. Erika tells her that when she’s vulnerable, Steph’s first reaction is to raise her voice at her.
Steph proceeds to put on her robe, yell “Everything’s the problem with me!” and complain about how she can’t remember all of Erika’s friends’ names and whom she slept with. Again, with the projections.
She then throws a bowl with a bread roll on the ground (!!!!) and stomps out of the room.
I can’t help but think that the reason why Erika hasn’t talked about this ten-year relationship is because it must’ve hurt her so much. If my partner kept me a secret for a decade, I wouldn’t want to talk about it either.
“This whole trip has been about Steph’s past and the things that have traumatized her. And the second I bring up something that’s traumatic for me and explain why something she’s doing is traumatic for me, she yells at me and says she’s not yelling at me,” The More Mature One says. “It’s awful.”
Steph returns to the room and apologizes for throwing the bowl on the ground. “I feel like I’m in a manic state right now.” Ya think???
“How do you expect me to tell you things and be honest with you if you’re just going to use them against me?” Erika asks.
Steph says that she keeps pushing her to come out to her mom (not really).
“Why don’t you just go live with your mom and why bother pursuing relationships that you know she’s not going to be okay with?” Erika says. “Why are you playing with my heart when you can’t figure your own out?”
I wish I could be as articulate as Erika, holy cow.
“That’s it. We’re done,” Steph says.
Erika packs up her stuff, chucking the gifts Steph got her onto the bed, and says goodbye.
Ed (54) and Rosemarie (23) // Calocan, Philippines
“I think you not love me. I think you not love my son,” Rosemarie says to Ed at the pool, picking up where we last left them. “I feel very very hurt.”
“I didn’t realize you were this upset,” he says, stumped.
Looking back, it’s true that Ed has never really cared about Prince, Rosemarie’s son. Sure, he’s probably gotten him material things, but it never occurred to Ed to invite Prince to their Palawan trip or even treat him like a son.
“I fell in love with you on Facebook and came here with love in my heart,” Ed says. “My intentions were real.”
Rosemarie responds that she knows that his intentions are real, but his behavior isn’t real. “I can’t want to continue this relationship,” she says. “This is the last time I give me hurt because I’m done.”
In her confessional, she says that she doesn’t want to waste her time on a person who doesn’t appreciate her. She’s given so many chances to Ed and she can’t forgive him anymore.
At the pool, she tells him to change his behavior, so he doesn’t treat the next girl the same way.
It seems like a constructive, adult break-up… until Ed gets huffy and his face changes. He says, “So you think I’m a bad, bad person.”
Our Filipina queen looks at him seriously and says, “Yeah.”
“YEAH.”
The word is still ringing in the air when the 54-year-old stomps away.
Rosemarie goes back to the hotel room and packs up her stuff. She tells the producers that she feels sad and hurt that Ed won’t realize his mistakes.
“When Ed and I met online, I like Ed because he gives me respect,” she says. “But after I met Ed in person, I realize the true Ed right now.”
Seems like Rosemarie never really cared about the Green Card. Hmm. Would ya look at that.
David (60) and Lana // Odesa, Ukraine
The last time we saw David, he was getting off the phone with a private investigator in the Ukraine, unwilling to accept that Lana is a catfish.
Unfortunately in this episode, we find him going back to the airport in his Shaft jacket. He hadn’t talked to Lana for two or three weeks and was “lonely.” The night before, they finally spoke and his catfish, I mean girlfriend, said she felt terrible about the last trip. She was overwhelmed and she promised that she’d make it up to him.
Since David’s last visit, Lana’s moved to Kiev with her sister (damn, how long has it been?). He takes their call as a sign that he should get his ass back to the Ukraine and makes the 24-hour trip.
“I don’t have any proof that Lana is in Kiev right now, but I trust her,” he says.
David finally arrives in Kiev and checks into his hotel. The concierge at the front desk makes small talk with him, asking him why he’s in town. He basically tells her his whole love story.
Her response? “That’s so sad.”
He gets to his hotel room and checks his favorite dating chat site — and there’s a message from Lana! His girlfriend tells him that she’s busy with her nephew’s hockey games this weekend and can only meet him on Monday, three days from today.
“I have to put my foot down at some point,” he says. Um, he should’ve put his foot down before wasting seven years and hundreds of thousands of dollars on a catfish, but ok whatever.
The next day, David calls the hotel’s concierge to get him a translator. He meets up with Bogdana, his savior for the day, and they head to a cafe to see Sergey, the private investigator he hired in the last episode.
Sergey looks like he could be a hitman.
While Bogdana translates David’s latest updates, Sergey tries his damned hardest not to roll his eyes. And major props to Bogdana for taking this assignment so seriously. She doesn’t bat a lash when she talks about the dumb hockey games.
David asks him if there’s any way the P.I. could prove that his girlfriend and her sister live in Kiev, and Sergey says no. If Lana is registered to live in Pavlorhad, she could still live anywhere in the Ukraine. He even adds that he doesn’t understand why someone would choose her nephew’s hockey games over meeting someone she has feelings for.
David refuses to accept the observation and says, “That’s all presumption. He’s not leaving any room for a positive outcome from this girl.”
The P.I. reminds him that Lana is on seven or eight dating sites, which means that she could possibly have eight boyfriends. This sets David off, and just like the other time he spoke with the P.I. and a translator, he gets defensive.
It’s worth noting that the only times he shows actual emotion on his face is when he gets a message from Lana and when he can’t accept the Cold Hard Truth. Usually, he just looks exhausted.
“Sergey is giving me his opinion, but I didn’t ask for his opinion,” he says in his confessional. “I asked for information.” Brah, he gave you the information you asked for. You just couldn’t believe it!
Then, in a very dramatic fashion, David looks Sergey dead in the eye and says, “You, sir, are fired.”
Poor Bogdana translates for him.
Outside of the cafe, David tells the camera, “The heart wants what the heart wants. I’m going to give Lana every chance I can.”
Sergey finally rolls his eyes.
Finally, it’s Monday. David’s getting ready to meet his girlfriend with the exact same hairbrush I use. He also sprays way too much cologne and says, “That’s what she’ll smell when we hug for the first time.”
Oh, honey.
The lovebirds decided to meet at the monument at Independence Square at 11 a.m., so there should be no issues of “hooking up” at this time, David says. He’s also prepared a box of chocolates and lotions for his lover, and even shows us the ring he wants to give her in the next week.
Before he leaves the room, he takes a look at himself and says “Looking good.”
I’m surprised he didn’t do finger guns too.
As he walks out of the door, he recalls all of the reasons why she’s stood him up the four times he made trips over here:
- She was too shy.
- Her brother died on the day they were supposed to meet.
- She had a medical procedure done that took her out of commission for a few weeks.
- She got cold feet.
He hopes that the fifth time’s the charm.
David gets to the monument five minutes early and I swear, my heart is racing. It reminds me of all the times I’ve waited for a Tinder date to show up. (awww, dates!! Remember those??)
The camera pans to the street and I wonder if Lana is in one of the costumes over there:
It’s 11:07 a.m. and she still hasn’t shown up.
“If she doesn’t show up this time, I’m not coming back,” David says. We all know that’s a damn lie.
But wait… is that her? *squints*
IT IS!!!!! LANA SHOWED THE FUCK UP.
SHE’S REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOLKS — as Rosemarie said before—“I’M DONE.”
