The Definitive Buddy Power Rankings
Where does Buddy Hield fit among the all-time greats?
Buddy Hield has been the star of March Madness so far and, really, the entire college basketball season. His love of the game and goofy smile have been contagious all year, and his game has backed it up just fine too. There were the memorable 46 points in the triple OT showdown with Perry Ellis and Kansas in January, and he’s averaged 29.5 points over four March Madness games including 19 threes on 48% shooting.
As Buddy Hield prepares to light up the Final Four before packing his bags for the NBA lottery, it is time to consider where he stacks up among the all time Buddy’s. Without further ado, your updated Definitive Buddy Rankings…
20. Buddy Ebsen
You probably know B. Ebsen better as Jed Clampett, Barnaby Jones, or George Russell. You unfortunately don’t know him as the original Tin Man. Ebsen was originally cast as the Tin Man but was reprieved of the role when he fell quite ill due to the aluminum dust used in his makeup.
19. Buddy pass
Everyone knows someone who claims to have access to a b. pass for one of the major airlines. But have you ever noticed that whenever you need to borrow some miles for an emergency trip, they’ve already used all their allotted mileage up for the year by like July? B. passes: overrated.
18. Nutty Buddy
The delicious treat, not the (admittedly useful) protective athletic cup. There are many Nutty B. treats. There’s the cone topped with ice cream, peanuts, and chocolate. There’s the Nutter Butter cookies. And there’s the chocolate-peanut butter wafers pictured on the left. Who really cares? They’re all amazing.
17. Buddy Rogers
This is B. Rogers, wrestler. And not that fake Olympic stuff with the helmets, the real WWE deal. Rogers was one of the OGs in the biz, one of the first to wear pretty much just his underwear to the ring for his fights. “The Nature Boy” was a direct predecessor to better-known Ric Flair including his strut and special finishing move, the figure four leglock. WOOOOOOOO!!!!!
16. Buddy Bell
B. Bell is that guy from your favorite baseball team that was always pretty good but never super great. Bell spread 2514 hits and 201 homers over 18 seasons in the big leagues. He peaked as a Ranger with six Gold Gloves at the hot corner and even got a smattering of MVP votes. He later managed for a decade before settling into his VP role with the White Sox. His dad played ball, his sons play ball… maybe he should’ve been named B. Ball actually.
15. Buddy Bands
Way back in season 1 of Saved by the Bell, Zack, Slater, and the gang formed a friendship bracelet company as an assignment for their economics class. Things started out pretty well before the friends began to fight over the ins and outs of their business plan and half of the group broke off to form their own bracelet company called B. Bands. And as you can imagine, many hijinks ensued.
14. Buddy Garrity
B. Garrity was the oft-hated rarely-loved car dealer from Dillon, Texas in the terrific series Friday Night Lights. A former Panthers QB himself, he was known to be a meddler, a drinker, and trouble maker in general. But he was always there, and he also did his part in creating Lyla Garrity, so… yeah. Watch FNL. Related: B. Garrity Jr received no votes. Possibly negative votes.
13. Buddy Guy
B. Guy played the Chicago blues with Muddy Waters and Junior Wells and all of Lisa Simpson’s other favorites. His sphere of influence includes Clapton, Hendrix, Page, Richards- all of the big guns- and Clapton supposedly once called him the best guitar player alive. Of course, Hendrix also once supposedly said the same about Phil Keaggy. That dude came to my college and he was awesome but he is not the greatest guitar player alive.
12. Buddy Christ
Nuff said.
11. Buddy Clinton
For some reason, no one in the ’90s really cared all too much about first kid Chelsea Clinton. It was all about their beloved and oft-feuding pets B. the dog and Socks the cat. B. Clinton was a chocolate lab, and he was awesome. And no, sadly, even he cannot save a Hillary presidency- B. passed away in 2002.
10. Buddy Holly (Weezer)
B. Holly ranks up there with My Name is Jonas, Only in Dreams, Undone (The Sweater Song), and Say It Ain’t So among the all time great Weezer songs. It had the traditional catchy chorus that was the trademark of so many Weezer songs, and it came with its own terrific music video too. Directed by Spike Jonze, the video was set at Al’s Drive-In on Happy Days and… you know what, just watch and enjoy:
9. Buddy Rich
Rich was called “the world’s greatest drummer” in his day. Apparently Buddy is a good nickname to have if you want to be called the best at something in the music world. You probably know B. Rich better as the drummer that drove Miles Teller to masochist tendencies in 2014’s terrific film Whiplash.
8. Buddy Ryan
B. Ryan was one of the greatest defensive minds in football history. He later became a head coach, but he was at his best as a defensive specialist. Ryan helped the Jets to their lone Super Bowl win and shaped the Purple People Eaters too but he was best remembered for constructing the greatest defense in NFL history, the ’85 Chicago Bears. His Bears D held 11 of 16 regular season opponents to ten points or less and then gave up just 10 points combined in the playoffs en route to being the first and still only assistant coach ever to be carried off the field after a Super Bowl victory.
7. My Buddy
My B. was terrifying. The song was haunting- you think you don’t know it but go ahead and listen below and your entire childhood will come flashing back to you. And not the good childhood either. Remember the nightmares you had about the oversized Stay Puft human with robot arms slowly coming to consume you? Yeah that was My B., or maybe his companion Kid Sister. The thing was so terrifying that it’s said to have inspired Chucky. Yes, that Chucky. My budddddy and me!
6. Buddy Hield
Buddy is the best. Buddy could lead the Sooners to their first ever title, and he’s flying up NBA draft boards too. He’s at that perfect sweet spot now where the Timberwolves can either draft the next senior bust or pass on the next Steph Curry. And that’s not all that’s at stake. A great Final Four could move him into the top 5 both in these B. Rankings as well as the all time Bahamians Rankings where he currently ranks ahead of the Baha Men but behind Mychal Thompson, Kimbo Slice, Lenny Kravitz, Rick Fox, and Sidney Poitier.
5. Buddy films / Buddy shows
Lethal Weapon, Rush Hour, Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy, Hot Fuzz, Bad Boys, Thelma & Louise, Starsky & Hutch, Turner & Hooch, Men in Black, 21 Jump Street, Miami Vice, Beverly Hills Cop, Kindergarten Cop, Wedding Crashers, Se7en, Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Planes Trains and Automobiles, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Just to name a few. And no those are not in order, how dare you! That’s its own entire Definitive Rankings. Another day.
4. Buddy system
Very underrated. Every person in the world has used the b. system. Countless - countless!! - lives have been saved. Where’s your buddy right now? Where are they? Are they reading this right now with you? They should be.
3. Buddy Holly (singer)
Look, the guy only lived to be 24 but everyone in the country still knows who he is. There’s “Peggy Sue” and “That’ll Be the Day” but more importantly, there was that tragic plane crash- The Day the Music Died. Holly was on a private plane with Richie Valens and the Big Bopper headed for my hometown Fargo-Moorhead when the plane crash cut his life short, and that day will be forever commemorated by Don MacLean’s “American Pie.”
2. Air Bud
B. the golden retriever was a canine athletic prodigy. Formerly just a lowly clown dog, he morphed into the star of the local basketball team before taking up football, soccer, baseball, volleyball, rugby, lacrosse, tennis, cricket, speed chess, and mating in his approximately 248,373 sequels. Buddy was adorable and may have been the athlete of our generation. And in his spare time, Buddy moonlighted as Full House’s Comet too. Amazing.
1. Buddy the Elf
Don’t be a cotton-headed ninny muggins- B. the Elf is clearly #1. Dude sang innocently in a department store bathroom with New Girl one moment and brazenly called Tyrion Lannister an angry elf the next. This is a guy that lives on a diet built around the four main food groups of candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. He just likes to smile, smiling’s his favorite!!! What’s not to like? Congratulations Buddy the Elf- you’re the greatest Buddy of all time. Byeeeeeee Buddy… hope you find your dad!!
Also receiving votes: B. Love (Nutty Professor), B. Valestro (Cake Boss), “Yeah B.!” (Ronnie Coleman), B. Biancala (KC shortstop), B. Lee (Lee Jeans), B. Cianci (Providence mayor), B. from Looney Tunes, B. Hackett (Scuttle), B. Lembeck (Charles in Charge), When a random dude calls you B. in a public setting
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