12. So This is How Dating is Supposed to Feel
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The Backstory
I’m not exactly sure how I met Kyle*. We have mutual friends/acquaintances and I’d seen him around before, but he and I had never really talked one-on-one. That is, until a recent Thursday night when a big group of us decided to meet up at a bar to see a local band.
When I arrived, I said hi to a few people I knew, and went over to the bar to order a drink. While I was standing near the bar talking with two friends, I noticed Kyle sitting at a table nearby with some of our mutual friends. We were each deep within our own separate conversations, but every now and again he and I would catch eyes. This happened a few times over fifteen minutes or so, and then he finally stood up and walked over next to me to order a drink. That’s when we finally got around to talking.
We talked about the bartender and discussed whether or not she was flirting with me. We talked about the other bar patrons as we people watched.
“Wait, do you even know my name?” I asked him at one point, realizing that we’d never actually been introduced to each other.
“Of course I know your name,” he replied. And I knew his name, too.
Then, we just kept talking. And dancing. And flirting. All night.
At 2 AM, we drove home together, swapped numbers, and said goodnight.
The Saturday after that Thursday, I was surprised to see a text from Kyle. I mostly thought our single night of drinking and dancing was a one-time thing, but he wrote, “Hey, what are you up to this weekend?”
We exchanged a few more messages and decided to get together the following Friday.
The Date(s)
On our first “date” of sorts, I meet Kyle out, again at a bar to see another local band. (This is pretty much the only type of nightlife in small town New England.)
We spend some time chatting at the bar. We play pool together. We dance, wildly, and sing along, loudly and poorly. We sit outside together and talk some more. I mention that my birthday is coming up the following weekend and that I’ll be out of town.
“Well then you should let me take you out to dinner before you go. It is your birthday after all,” Kyle says. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”
Some stupid dating rule book would surely tell me to never accept a date offered up the day before. “Play hard to get. Pretend to be busy so you are more desirable” stupid dating rule book would say. But I’m not one to follow this kind of dating rule.
“Tomorrow night could work,” I say, “I don’t really have solid plans.”
“Great. What time should I pick you up?” Kyle asks.
Later that night, Kyle walks me to my car. He holds his arm out, elbow bent, so that I can loop my arm through his. I give him a questioning look.
“No?” he asks, “Want a hand instead?” He holds out his hand.
“No, no,” I smile, “I’ll take an arm.”
“Good choice,” he says and we continue walking to my car.
We linger for a minute next to my car, each feeling out the moment. I’m not sure how it happens. Does he kiss me? Or do I kiss him? It’s neither of those, really. Simply put, we kiss.
I’m briefly reminded of kissing Mike* between our cars on our second date. It’s that kind of kiss — firm and intentional. Arm around my waist. Hand along his neck. Not too long, not too short. Kyle is also perfect kissing height for me. We say goodnight and part ways.
The next evening, Kyle picks me up and we go on an actual proper dinner date. He drives, he pays.
Later that night, we go to a house party together. More drinking, more dancing. He comes home with me.
Later the following week, we go out for ice cream cones, catching a taste of the last delicious scoops available before my favorite shop closes up for the season. We walk down to the beach that night and look at the stars and listen to the waves together. I argue that ocean waves are the best, most peaceful scenery. He argues that a still mountain lake is. We agree that we’d both settle for either given the opportunity.
Two weekends later, he invites me to his house for a small get together he’s having with friends. It’s a really nice time. Food and drinks and good conversation around a fire. I don’t know anybody there except for Kyle, but I fit right in.
The following week, we get tacos and watch the sunset together. Then, we end up back at my place watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt while snuggling and laughing and snuggling some more.
The Assessment
If you can’t tell, Kyle and I have been spending a fair amount of time together over the past several weeks. I find myself liking him a lot, and I know he feels the same way about me. “How do you know?” you might ask.
Well, Kyle, very much unlike Mike, is actually a guy who communicates! He says things like, “I had a really great time tonight” at the end of our dates. He says, “We should make plans again soon.” He says things like, “I’d love to!” and “That sounds great!” When I spend the night at his place, he says, “I’m really glad you’re here” as we nuzzle up and fall asleep together. He tells me I’m funny, beautiful, and that he’s “wildly attracted” to me.
When we’re together, he asks me about how my day or week is going. He asks about my hobbies, and interests, and about my life in general. He’s interested in learning about me as a person! He’s genuine, and sincere, and a very-well rounded, happy guy. He’s positive, and outgoing, and smart, and thoughtful.
One night at my house, he’s skimming through a book I’m reading and notices the corner of a page folded over.
“Oh no,” he says, “You dog-ear?”
“Yeah,” I say, “Why? Is that so bad? I always do that.”
“You should have a bookmark! I’m going to get you one,” he says. I think that sentiment sums up Kyle nicely.
All of this of course sounds like very normal, boring stuff, but I was honestly beginning to think that maybe “nice guys” just didn’t exist. I was honestly beginning to think that I’d need to figure out how to be happy with a Mike of the world, or maybe multiple Mikes because one clearly isn’t going to fulfill me emotionally. Kyle, however, has single-handedly re-instilled my faith in the opposite sex.
Perhaps most importantly of all, aside from him simply being a “nice guy”, Kyle and I just click. That first night we spent out with friends, dancing and drinking, the chemistry was zipping back and forth between us with every glance we exchanged. We mesh well together mentally, emotionally, and physically. We laugh together loudly and often. He’s a little bit weird and I like that. I’m a little bit weird and he likes that, too.
My only possible complaint is that Kyle may be too good looking for me. Seriously. He’s practically a Greek statue, which is totally hot and also a little bit intimidating. I feel compelled to join a gym, but maybe that’s not the worst thing in the world.
The Epilogue
To be determined…
Tonight Kyle and I went to the beach together to watch the Supermoon-Bloodmoon eclipse around a bonfire with some other friends. We’ll probably do something together again later this week. I don’t know where this is going, but it feels awfully nice. The empty feeling I’ve previously described after certain other “dates” isn’t there with Kyle. Instead, he leaves me feeling warm and bubbly, and I think that’s a very, very good thing.
* Names have been changed, of course, to protect the innocent.
If you like what you just read, please recommend it and then check out more of my ramblings at https://medium.com/@writingsolo or tweet me @writingsolo.
For other pieces in this Publication, check out
https://medium.com/navigating-the-sea-of-singledom
Written with thanks to The Writing Cooperative, specifically: Kestley Knoble, Justine Bronson, Tracey Pharoah, and Jessica Jungton.
