09. So This is Chemistry

The Backstory

I receive a text from Mike* on a Tuesday morning:

“Hey, guess who’s back in town ;-)”

Our first lunch date left me swooning and now he’s sending me winky faces. His message catches me by surprise because I was just beginning to think maybe he wouldn’t actually reach out to me again. We text back and forth briefly and make plans to get drinks together Thursday night. I like how Mike is decisive and to the point. He chooses a time and place and even offers to pick me up, but I decline the ride — mostly for logistical reasons — it’s easier for me to meet him there.

The Date

Before I walk in, I tell myself I’ll go for the hug. Definitely, a hug hello. Mike’s been away for a month! A “hello, welcome back” hug is totally appropriate. Given that I fumbled our goodbye with a handshake on our first date, I need to make a good first impression this time.

When I walk in, I almost don’t recognize him… again. Both his beard and the hair on his head are much shorter, but he still has the same big, warm smile. He’s standing next to the bar, having just ordered a drink. He sees me and comes over for a hug. I’m glad he had the hug in mind, too. It’s a nice firm hug, not too short and not too long. I order a drink too, and then we sit down at a table with our matching whiskeys.

I wish I could better describe why this date with Mike is so wonderful, but I fear my words won’t do justice. Essentially, all we do is talk.

But we talk so well!

Once again, talking with Mike just feels so damn comfortable, like we’ve been friends for years (or months, at least). To be completely honest, talking with Mike feels a lot like talking with my dear friend V. We discuss recent events in our lives related to work and vacation and exercise, but we discuss so many deeper things, too.

We talk about relationships, the practicality of monogamy, and the seeming inevitability of cheating. We talk about biology and evolution and how those play into the sex drive of men and women. We talk about Catholicism and birth control. We talk about how kids these days just don’t know how good they have it. We talk about living alone versus living with roommates. We talk about living with significant others. We talk about the responsibilities that come with owning a dog and having children. (We’re both kind of iffy about the having kids thing. That’s good to know.) We talk about introversion versus extroversion. We talk about watching the ocean waves. We talk about bizarre eating habits of co-workers, trying to learn to speak Chinese, and jet skis.

Some of these things are probably taboo topics for a second date, but I love honest conversation. We tend to just hop and skip from one topic to the next and it never feels uncomfortable. Three hours pass by in a blink.

Our tabs come, separately, and Mike offers to pay mine, but I say I don’t mind buying my own drinks, so I pay my tab. We joke about how we’re not really sure if this is a date or not.

“If I had picked you up, it would definitely be a date,” Mike says.

“You made it sound like you didn’t want to pick me up!” I reply.

We look back through our text message conversation and analyze it.

“Ohhhh,” he says, “I can see why you may have thought that.”

“Well,” I say, “To be fair, if you had written ‘I insist on picking you up’, that could’ve been a little creepy. Things get lost in translation via text.”

“Yea, they do,” he agrees, laughing, “I’ll just call you next time.”

We walk outside to leave for the night, and we learn that we conveniently parked right next to each other. We walk over to the space in between our cars, I unlock my door, then I turn to look at Mike. Taking a step toward him and reaching my hand along the side of his neck, I kiss him. It happens all in one smooth, fluid motion without hesitation and without even thinking about it.

I just swoop in and kiss. Because it feels right.

He pulls me in and kisses right back, then he gently leans me against his car. Now that’s a smooth move. He’s the perfect height for kissing, and he touches my face and my neck as if he knows exactly the way I like that. He’s a really good kisser, too — firm and mildly wild: V’s style of kissing. He’s the kind of guy who goes after what he wants in life and, apparently, in kissing, too. He feels strong, and intense, and he smells delicious.

Then he stops and says, “You know… the reason I wanted to pick you up was so it’d be easier for me to ask you to come back to my place at this point.”

I reply with a sarcastic, “Oh yeah?” (because clearly that would be the reason). “Maybe next time”.

We make out a tiny bit longer. “Definitely next time,” I add.

We say goodbye and goodnight. I drive home, with a completely and utterly stupid smile on my face.

The Assessment

Can I give three hours of talking and a really good kiss a perfect 10 rating? Part of me wants to keep 10 reserved as some kind of impractical golden standard — something which can never truly be achieved, but which all dates should strive to be. So, in that case, this date gets a 9. It’s as perfect as a date can be without being imaginary.

The Epilogue

Driving home that night, I again feel like I’m floating on air and I try to figure out why. We talked for hours over a couple of whiskeys. That’s all we did. Why does this feel so good?

I ponder this thought for a bit, and then it hits me:

Chemistry!

Mike and I have definite chemistry. You can almost see it flickering around in the air, hovering over the table between us. I can certainly feel it in the way his eyes lock in on mine when I’m talking, and in the way I can’t stop looking at his mouth when he speaks. It’s in the way our banter goes back and forth with ease, in the way we make each other laugh, and in the way he touches my face.

It’s the chemistry.

That’s why it feels so good just talking to Mike, why it feels so natural, and that’s what drew me in to kiss him.

There’s an indefinable something that I’m attracted to in him. It’s not just physical. It’s intellectual, too. We understand each other, and yet he challenges my thinking. He’s also bold and a little daring and a little more outgoing than I am. And that’s exactly the type of person I enjoy being around because I need someone who can push me out of my comfort zone, bring out the brazen side of me, and push my buttons just the right amount to turn me up and on.

We text over the weekend and make plans to get together the following week. I’m really looking forward to more dates with Mike. My gut has a good feeling about this one.

* Names have been changed, of course, to protect the innocent.

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For other pieces in this Publication, check out
https://medium.com/navigating-the-sea-of-singledom