How to Empower Young Children to be Independent
From an educator of 40 years …
As caregivers, we want to nurture our children to be independent and successful beings. Yet driven by adult instincts, parents also want to support and help young children, rescue them from difficult situations and shield them from failure. This can, at times, prevent the child from being self-sufficient.
Jeanne Williams, an Edmonton psychologist, shares, “Habitually doing things for your child that she’s capable of doing herself sends an inadvertent message that you don’t have confidence in her abilities.”
Raising a self-sufficient child demands time, effort, and most importantly, self-control. Coming from my experience as an educator and a grandmother, I would like to share some tips to teach kids to be more independent:
1. Encourage risk-taking
As the primary caregiver to your child, you should create the space for your child to show autonomy over their decisions and allow them to be independent to explore, experiment and follow their natural curiosity.
The rewards of taking ownership and learning from their mistakes are immense.
When your child faces a setback, create a safe space for them to reach out to you for affirmation.
Avoid using statements like, “It’s okay if you couldn’t solve this question, I never expected you to” or “This painting might be too difficult for you. Maybe, you can try an easier one.”
Instead, support your child in building resilience and perseverance by modelling the behaviour.
According to an article in Parents.com, “Focus on teaching [children] that failure is just feedback, it helps develop a growth mindset, and with that mindset, they will be able to overcome any struggle confidently.”
If your child is struggling to see the brighter end, highlight the positives for them by encouraging statements like, “Your test scores might upset you but I’m glad that you were able to learn a new word today.”
2. Don’t over-correct their setbacks
Don’t expect perfection from your child.
If your child is trying to do something independently, for instance, make milk for themselves, resist the urge to criticise them over a spill.
As a caregiver, it’s important for us to shift our focus from a child achieving perfection to a child making an effort. The learning is in the process and not the end product.
Being corrected at every step might hinder them from taking risks, and making mistakes.
For instance, if your child is wearing a dress inside out, instead of criticizing them by saying, “Oh! You are wearing it wrong,” appreciate them for trying like, “I’m so proud that you wore it on your own” and re-affirm that they’ll get it right the next time!
However, while appreciating the child is crucial for their holistic growth, over-appreciating the child for age-appropriate tasks isn’t an empowering choice for them.
Experts share, “It all comes down to how you praise them — rather than telling them they’re ‘the best and ‘Mommy’s little champion,’ tell them you’re proud of them because they practised really hard and did not give up. Encourage instead of praise.”
3. Give them space to grow
It is essential to create holistic spaces for your child to be able to experience independence without adult interference.
Encourage your child to practice this by giving them opportunities to do so. For instance, invite them to help you with a salad dressing of their choice, or allow them to choose their own clothes or story they want to read.
Self-directed play can be the best way to allow your child autonomy over their decisions.
Refrain from imposing adult thinking on them and instead, support them with open-ended materials like building blocks or drawing supplements that encourage your child to think creatively for themselves.
Small steps like arranging their environment like clothes on the lower shelf so they can easily access them or attaching a hook a bit lower for them to hang their backpack conveniently also help the child feel independent and empowered.
Coming from my experience as an educator, I would suggest finding one task for your child that they can “accomplish by themselves” like bringing you newspaper from the front porch or setting the dinner table.
Conclusion:
A Maria Montessori quote I suggest abiding by while nurturing young children is never helping a child with a task at which they feel they can succeed.
Create a safe space for your child to feel independent while ensuring that the choices don’t overwhelm them. Model risk-taking behaviour that encourages them to move out of their comfort zone.
