Empaths vs. Narcissists
The Making of a Wanderer Part 4
“No. Be afraid. Be very afraid.”
If you didn’t shudder when I mentioned that a narcissist entered my life when I came back from El Camino, it is because you, dear reader, don’t get it, just as I didn’t, as apparently no one in my midst did, back in 2004. I know, a bit blunt.
Yes, he was rather vain, and certainly, some of my friends knew he was narcissistic, but no one really got it, not positively, not precisely.
You should be afraid, very afraid. “Narcissism” happens to be so much more than an educated way of defining someone with an inflated ego, a trait appearing to be nothing more than inconvenient, bothersome, even entertaining.
Sans Definition
Incredibly, the concept didn’t enter my awareness until late 2020!!!!! Gasp. But of course, if I think of it, why would it have entered before? It was not in my interest to put definitions on something that was very well in my past.
After surviving, the day I walked away, I did it with no regrets, no expectations, and no fantasies but, now I know, with no definitions whatsoever and, now I also know, an enduring smell of shame. It has taken me all these years to get back on track — if that is even possible.
When I left, I was aware that having a new relationship was not one of my interests because I was entirely committed to evolving a relationship with my own soul. That was true all the way; it is a full-time endeavor, easier to accomplish with no such distractions. But there was this underlying fear that I would not necessarily be capable of recognizing another of the same kind.
I also felt this uneasiness about handling an emotional attack — should I bump into him again, or about being able to successfully deflect his advances if he decided to, stubbornly, make me the object of his desires again. I lacked definitions.
The Void
In 2018 I had a relapse into my skin illness, my personal physical manifestation of having dealt with a narcissist.
I ended up at my sister’s in Cancun for precisely 13 months, which of course, turned out to be a healing period, but an empty and difficult one for me personally: I was in a void. At some point in mid-2018, after years of parting, I received a call from an unknown number. It was the man again, out of the blue, asking me for a favor. R-e-a-l-l-y?
My healing had been so thorough that I didn’t even recognize his voice, and my ever-so-innocent response was to listen to his request. I made it a point to hold no grudges, not for his sake, but mine, and this is what transpired in the brief exchange. He certainly tried to squeeze personal information out of me but to no avail.
At hanging up, my only question was how to answer in such a way that I would never, ever, hear of him or feel his energy upon me again.
Getting Rid of a Narcissist
Well, it turns out that this was not an ill-founded or idle question. In a rather disturbing 13-minute long video¹ on how to separate oneself from a narcissist, I recently awakened to the specificity of the dangers. As I now attempt to write a synthesis, my back has become tense, and my breathing, shallow.
I successfully applied the basic “gist” of what is called The Gray Rock Technique: “Don’t answer questions about your personal life, don’t fall for attempts to bait you into an argument, don’t respond to accusations, and don’t defend yourself.”
Other than relaying that “narcissists are going to do whatever they have to do to bring you back under their control,” that “leaving a relationship with a narcissist has to be handled a certain way, regardless of whether the narcissist in your life has ever been violent or not,” and that “separating yourself emotionally from a narcissist of any kind is very difficult” because “these people can be like human Krazy Glue,” I decided to leave the link in the reference section, should you be interested in diving into it.
I will make no further comment on my appraisal of the material until I can reasonably break down the components relevant to my case.
In the thirteenth month in Cancun, in August 2019, I had this dream:
[Short version.] I was at my sister’s in Cancún, and this man was there too. I was using my two sisters and Mom as shields for his advances. In a second scene, a seer appeared in one of the rooms to check on the beliefs that I still held about healing techniques; many of the ones she was inquiring about, I didn’t know.
As the voice of Tobias, an ascended master, became audible, she stopped. Thereupon I was with Tobias in another room of the house. He asked me what I was doing there. My first answer was that I had a pending matter with the Maya. His face told me, “that is bullshit.” Then I said that I was in a safe space with my sisters and Mom, to be able to get rid of this man once and for all. I needed to be protected. Tobias said nothing.
YouTube Wisdom
I owe the awareness of the concept of “narcissism” to Lee Harris. I don’t consider his teachings my core path, but I hold him in high regard. And last year, he was promoting his online course “Empaths vs. Narcissists.” Bless YouTube. On his website, it says:
In early 2017, I responded to this question which was posed by a follower of my work, “Could you give advice on empaths standing up for themselves and remaining in their truth while dealing with a narcissist?” The 3-minute answer I gave has now been viewed over 250,000 times online. The overwhelming response to that clip was, “Can you please do more on this?”
I watched his promotional one-hour video, where he offered bits of his own experience dealing with a narcissist and sharing that it took him eight years to recover. My jaw dropped. My case was not one of a kind.
And then a month ago, as I was approaching that part of my story here, I started devouring an enormous amount of videos on narcissism by clinical psychologists and watching documentaries and testimonies from survivors. I wanted to be able to offer an informed, measured, truthful, and all-encompassing perspective of what came next in my journey but never expected to bump into the abyss of my ignorance.
Overall, I feel nearly in shock, slightly nauseous, and effectively soul stirred. Some other times, I am highly amused and light-hearted.
Bless Trump
Thankfully all this is now available on YouTube for anyone with access to the internet and a little bit of curiosity, but it is a trend that has begun no more than five years ago.
Speaking of my three main sources, Little Shaman signed up on YouTube in June 2016 but started posting until October 2018 and has been very consistent on the subject.
Dr. Todd Grande joined YouTube in 2007 but started speaking about statistics, distributions, regressions, and then addressing topics such as clinical interviews, role-playing, counseling assessment or suicide assessment.
It wasn’t until June 2014 that he posted one first video on narcissism; and then another, more than three years later, when narcissism appeared as part of a series of videos on personality disorders such as bulimia nervosa or psychopathy.
2019 was the year he started talking about narcissism more frequently, he uploaded 66 videos with the word narcissist in the title — who knows how many of the other videos relate to the subject as well. In 2020 he uploaded 39 videos on narcissism, and in 2021 the few videos speak directly about Trump. Also, bless Trump.
But my favorite source, by far, is Dr. Abdul Saad from Vital Mind Psychology in Sidney, Australia, whom I found on YouTube a little bit later and will be my go-to reference.
He joined YouTube in September of 2016. In November that year, he uploaded his first video on narcissism. Unlike many others, he addresses the inner workings of empaths too.
The Winding Road
Why should this knowledge matter to you, dear reader? First of all because, according to experts, ten out of 100 people are narcissists, and one out of those ten narcissists is dangerous. But more importantly, because people in spiritual and consciousness paths, people who are awakening, people who care to make this a better world are typically highly empathetic or outright empaths.
By the way, by definition, a narcissist cannot walk a consciousness path: they are intrinsically incapable of taking responsibility for… well, anything. If they were capable of that, they would not be narcissists.
I may have survived because of one personal character trait that happens to also be my very doom: I do not leave things unfinished. But it was a winding road. I took the consciousness path, with plenty of service-stops at energy healers, channelers, shamans, story-tellers, color-therapists, homeopaths, and the like. And that is why my undiagnosed, untreated, and non-clinical way out may be of potential value to you.
Little Red Riding Hood [Caperucita Roja]
So, there I was, back from El Camino, walking naively on the path of life, with enough money for the upcoming years, no job, no place of my own, but a world of shiny potentials ahead of me. La-la-la; la-la-la; la-la-la.
My mother gave me an ad she had seen in the neighborhood newspaper about an abundance course. I loved the theme and signed up immediately.
It turned out I was the only student, with this handsome, classy man, who was more than ten years older than I, and that despite his efforts in showing otherwise, clearly wasn’t abundant. The voice… something about his voice was unequivocally familiar and attractive. He was particularly nervous.
From my perspective, he was borrowing — more like stealing — , information from other widely renowned spiritual authors, but he knew the lingo and had put together a good compilation of teachings.
The First and Supreme Deceit
When I kindly tried to point out my observation, not to criticize, but to understand how he could be teaching the subject, he snapped. Almost aggressively, he assured me that he was highly abundant. And that seemed to be true in a way that I was not able to grasp.
Like the good student I had always been, I was eager to be informed of the things I was not aware of. Well, that was the whole point of attending the class, was it not?
Who could have thought? I was already abundant — in my human life, in a way, he never was or ever will be in this lifetime. But what I was looking for was not money but the key to never worry about it, and this man seemed to know something I didn’t.
His ups and downs, countless adventures, creating and fearlessly leaving businesses behind, and, of course, the significant research he had conducted on the subject.
Now I know that what I was looking for is only found at the very final twists and turns of a serious consciousness path since that kind of abundance does not come from the human but the soul; as for him, stealing energy is not abundance. Bless clarity.
The Unyielding Inevitability
But even if someone in my midst would have known the clinical definitions of the case in question, and I would have been mature enough to listen to them, the encounter was definitive, and the story unavoidable.
He happened to be a narcissist, but his soul was connected to mine, apparently before the origins of this planet, and affairs were pending.
As for my naïve youthful expectations, apart from the abundance-detail, he was all I ever wanted.
I had a long list, you see, for real. He played guitar, loved Serrat as much as I did, was spiritual — no further comment, educated, interesting, adventurous, tall, thin, and handsome.
On the other hand, I had the money to invest in a business and was unafraid to try — after all, I had an MBA and have always wanted to create one. Besides, I had been very successful in whatever I undertook, remember? What could go wrong? Maybe he was the one to fill the hole of that something that was missing in my life.
The first class ended, and on my way back to my parent’s, walking the lovely streets I had walked all my life, I suddenly and violently threw up.
If only we listened to our bodies.
To be continued.
Aberdeem
Proofreading: Norma Ojeda / Colombia
Thank You
A special thank you note to all those who have kindly supported me in this endeavor; it is invaluable!
Clap
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The Invitation
If you have any related experiences in dreams, please share; they will enrich us all. Otherwise, join, follow, share and if you feel like it, support. Sponsors or investors for The Book of Dreams are very much welcome or you can Buy Me a Coffee.
Background
If you want to know what this blog is about, you may want to read the following post:
If you want to know how the dreaming experience unfolded for me, you may want to read the following post:
If you care to learn about A Thousand Dreams’ origin and destiny, The Launch is the post. The idea came to me two years after I began writing and took shape and gained notoriety really quickly thanks to Adamus Saint-Germain and the Crimson Circle.
And if you want to have fun, take the quiz:
Other than that, in this blog you will find posts about many types of dreams and their relationship to our physical reality. Hope you enjoy them!
Reach Out
Contact me at aberdeem144@gmail.com. I will be happy to hear from you.
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References
¹ How to Separate Yourself from a Narcissist & End the Relationship; Little Shaman; YouTube
