The Making of a Wanderer Part 9
Fate
Back in 2004, I knew there was a hole in me. As it turns out, it wasn’t a partner, but the connection to my spiritual family, something that ironically, I achieved through an acquaintance of the narcissist’s sister, only a few months after meeting him.
Encountering this narcissist to achieve connecting to my highest potential for this lifetime at least provides meaning to the entire drama. Of course, we could hypothesize that sooner or later, I would have come to encounter my spiritual family, but that is uncertain. Not everybody in our group achieved it, and timing was essential.
The call materialized in September 1999 — I felt it quite clearly, resigned to my job that same month to go on a sabbatical, but could not understand why. It wasn’t until May 2005 that I got to their website. Landing in that homepage struck me; tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw the image of a father and a son looking out to the horizon and the words “you are never alone.” I had made it. Beyond the veil of forgetfulness, I achieved reconnecting.
But for years to come, I felt as if I was late. Just that: late. Late for… something. For the next three months, I virtually swallowed more than four years-worth of those materials, and in the following few years, I pushed my spiritual evolution recklessly. I felt there was some kind of appointment in the future which I needed to be ready for.
The relationship with the narcissist served as a mirror to speed up my process. He highlighted real or imaginary shortcomings, and I was adamant not to miss the lessons. Of course, the wisdom was not anywhere near where he suggested it would be.
But prepared I was when the time came, at the end of Summer last year –2020, I felt it. That was the turning point for humanity that we not only invoked, provoked, and accelerated, but for which our presence was essential.
The Twin Flames
The more I look back, the more I recognize how the relationship served many purposes, at multiple levels, in a very synchronic way. That is why I feel confident to contribute — with a couple of certainties and a theory, to the subject of Twin Flames that was brought about by Doctor Ramani in a video from November 2020 titled The Narcissist and the Twin Flame. [1].
She concludes that what people say about Twin Flames resembles a narcissistic abusive relationship and(or) can be a setup for getting into one. “Many people in narcissistic relationships justify the early toxic patterns and red flags on the basis of a magical connection, a once in a lifetime (sic) love story.” (Ramani, 2020).
She seems dazed when commenting that “Even when someone on the outside points the red flags out (sic) to someone in a new narcissistic relationship, even when we give someone the trauma bond framework, the twin flame framework often wins out.” (Ramani, 2020).
Yet she asks the viewers to comment on the topic as if something were missing, as if opening up for an explanation that isn’t quite there yet; despite all the scientific background, all the clinical experience, and the fact that it can be very well explained, from several different perspectives.
Interesting, isn’t it? For it is not that I failed to recognize that there was something very wrong indeed, right off the start, but rather that the attraction is overwhelming to the point that choices don’t seem to be choices at all. The appeal burns, and it unquestionably feels as if it were meant to be.
Later in the relationship, the undeniable magnetic attraction started feeling like a flexible prison; every time I tried to walk away, I bounced back as if I were living within a thin rubber bubble that could be stretched only so much. And later on, the plastic bubble transformed into a dark hole that swallowed any amount of light into itself endlessly.
Although I never justified my relationship in terms of a ‘once-in-a-lifetime story,’ I don’t recall having thought of him as ‘the only one;’ and up until now, I had no idea of the specifics of the concept ‘Twin Flames,’ I certainly jumped in, committing to the relationship in an instant and I overheard the [very few] early warnings. At some point, I was very well aware of the destructiveness of it all and his true nature, but I knew the ride wasn’t over. Why?
Something is missing.
Multiple Lifetimes
On the matter of multiple lifetimes, I have no doubt. In September of 2016, I had a real-time dream about another incarnation of my Soul.
A tall, thin, blonde, American white woman of about 65 years old was lying in a hospital bed in what could have been an upper-class facility or maybe an adapted room in her own home. The enlightened bedroom with flower arrangements here and there was adjacent to a garden with a well-tended lawn and trees in the back.
A beautiful morning it was, somewhere in Northern United States. The daughter and her husband were standing at the end of the bed, watching. This only daughter couldn’t be more different, with dark, short hair, large and rather plump, maybe she was adopted. She was sad, but there was no drama; the whole happening was a very intimate matter.
The woman had been a writer and was about to die. I was called to receive my inheritance. I could not tell at the time what it was, but I now suspect it was wisdom related to writing. She knew I was there, and I knew she was saying goodbye to me.
But the whole topic of a Soul having multiple simultaneous lifetimes is quite controversial. I am aware that Ascended Masters avoid talking about it because there seems to be no easy explanation, or it tends to be more of a distraction for people on genuine consciousness paths. Moreover, if it happens, it seems to be a rare occurrence, with potentially severe consequences for the magnetic grid within the planet.
And, for sure, the road to enlightenment requires integration of all that you are in your present body: your masculine and feminine, your divine within your human life, and of course, the light and the dark. Regardless of your gender, the road demands walking it alone. In other words, it is only one incarnation of any one Soul that makes the process of integration: there is only one so-called ascendee.
Maybe my Soul threw parallel lifetimes to see which one could make it through to the end because the desire for final integration was unwavering, and this was the time we had been waiting for. Maybe this writer opened up a path through the jungle and only cared to pass the wisdom on to me before leaving. What if there is one other lifetime out there? — I don’t know why I always think of three.
But I would never assume there is such thing as a Twin Flame. That would amount to saying that the Soul could split into only two parts, one of which supplements the other perfectly. How mental, restrictive, limited, and dualistic that is.
Karma
My second certainty is about karma. I know that the reason it was so difficult for me to split from him was that he was an acquaintance of long ago and, most probably, we had been together since the beginning of our experience on the planet and in several lifetimes. At some point in time, an abuse became karma, and we kept enacting that same story over and over: I lost my interest in continuing to live because of some betrayal, one of them leading to death by torture. The betrayals reenacted in this lifetime, but I was finally able to clear the karma out. If for no other reason than to do so, the relationship had to occur: no pending issues can remain in my energy if I am to move forward, and this was a big one.
Furthermore, I believe that we, human beings, feel powerfully attracted to those with whom we have had controversial lifetimes before, with whom we have played the victim-perpetrator game.
Those experiences are so rich for both Souls that they seem to make a bond of connivance, as if having shared mischief or a prank, like having been accomplices. Of course, it is highly problematic because beyond the undeniable attraction and genuine affection and camaraderie — beyond the authentic love, there is this particularly unsettled energy that eventually surfaces. In other words, at this stage of human development, these relationships that feel unequivocally made in heaven are most likely full of karma.
Magnets
But I wonder. Now that I have portrayed and explored this narcissistic dynamic from the perspective of light and dark, wouldn’t these relationships have the same underlying principle of a magnet? Only opposites attract each other, and they do so with peculiar force. Whatever for? It seems to me that within the cosmic design of duality, light and dark call each other for a leap into final integration. The ultimate purpose is to transcend duality.
In the case of an Empath, exquisitely tuned in to the needs of others and highly compassionate, even with his own perpetrator, the experience will propel him or her towards a new level of compassion; healing can only occur when refining and fully comprehending it, for it also means respecting someone who chooses to destroy itself, and above all, it demands compassion for oneself first.
If you are an Empath and thinking you can overcome the situation by applying the same techniques that you see the narcissist display, think again. You will never be able to change your gentle nature without causing a severe imbalance in yourself. In other words, you need to change your polarity to neutral to be able to break free from a Narcissist. In any other way, you would still be contributing to the duality and playing the game. It is neutrality, the absence of judgment, that will ease your way out. And when having been abused by a Narcissist, you can understand how profound that upgrade in compassion must be.
As for the Narcissist, I wonder, because unless we are talking about the darkest of narcissists, a genuinely malignant narcissist, the explorer of the dark path that I mentioned in a previous episode, it is inevitable for them to collapse at some point in their own misery and get started on the path towards integration.
I am aware that many consider Narcissism untreatable. That is because the pain of a perpetrator, of a wounded masculine, is unlike any other. It is so harrowing that even if you are committed to a consciousness path, the human side will do anything not to face it. But Souls get tired of the same experience, you know? And there will always be a pivotal, dramatic, torturing point, the lowest of the low -as stated in the book The Red Lion-,[2] that will propel them into integration.
All You Need is Love
Dr. Abdul Saad suggests that, when dealing with a Narcissist, Empaths need to realize that “love does not conquer all.” But you can see these are different levels of love that we are talking about here. Love does conquer it all, only not focused on the external but oneself. Once upgraded and fully integrated, it is compassion that performs miracles, but that is not your purpose anymore. Yet another paradox, you see. If you have any hidden agenda, it is not compassion. And I wouldn’t dare return with that narcissist only to see if this upgraded compassion would now conquer it all. I am compassionate with myself now.
Is an Empath closer to integration than a Narcissist? Maybe. But maybe the experience can catapult a Narcissist towards full integration within the same lifetime if the body can take the blow of expanded consciousness in such a short period of time. After all, to transcend duality, compassion for oneself is equally required at both ends of the spectrum, and I would suspect that it is as painful to integrate darkness as it is to integrate light. Besides, processes that previously required several lifetimes have sped up dramatically. Who knows? May be.
A Path to Enlightenment
A narcissistic relationship seems to be a very effective, yet very dangerous, approach to integration, but could I have done it any other way? I don’t think so. For one, I am beginning to believe that this was a potential, carefully designed by my Soul, before this incarnation as a way to efficiently accomplish the goal — for no one before me had confronted darkness face to face.
Secondly, I was who I was, committed, loyal. I believed anything was possible, I did not leave things unfinished, and I was not parting without explanations. There were very few in those days, I must add. Most healers were clueless about this topic; some might even be considered enablers nowadays.
Besides, several processes unfolded simultaneously in my life as I lost my grounding and support system because of the relationship, then encountered my Spiritual Family, and my dreaming activity exploded like never before in a way that made me incapable of resting. And the first encounter caught me in such bad timing, with such adverse coincidences. Too much.
I suspect I should have started recovering from the experience as soon as the relationship was over, abundance, health, joyfulness. But that is not what happened. By the time I managed to say goodbye without looking back, I was already full of ‘cosmic larvae,’ and, a decade later, I still feel as if in recovery. I can only trust what has been relayed to me by my Soul a couple of times: it was not supposed to be that hard, and the most challenging part has long been over.
A Piece of Advice
To any fair and gentle human being finding themselves in the early stages of a relationship that feels ‘other-worldly’ but disquieting at the same time, I would say that no matter what the story is, karma can easily be dissolved. There are other ways of integrating yourself that are far less dramatic.
Granted, you need some initiations for life in the 3D world, and you need to gain perspective on who you are. But if you must, always remember to be compassionate with yourself first: that is the ultimate goal.
To be continued.
Aberdeem
Proofreading: Norma Ojeda / Colombia
Thank You
A special thank you note to all those who have kindly supported me in this endeavor; it is invaluable!
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The Invitation
If you have any related experiences in dreams, please share; they will enrich us all. Otherwise, join, follow, share and if you feel like it, support. Sponsors or investors for The Book of Dreams are very much welcome or you can Buy Me a Coffee.
Background
If you want to know what this blog is about, you may want to read the following post:
If you want to know how the dreaming experience unfolded for me, you may want to read the following post:
If you care to learn about A Thousand Dreams’ origin and destiny, The Launch is the post. The idea came to me two years after I began writing and took shape and gained notoriety really quickly thanks to Adamus Saint-Germain and the Crimson Circle.
And if you want to have fun, take the quiz:
Other than that, in this blog you will find posts about many types of dreams and their relationship to our physical reality. Hope you enjoy them!
Reach Out
Contact me at aberdeem144@gmail.com. I will be happy to hear from you.
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References
[1]Ramani, Dr., The narcissist and the twin flame, November 22, 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8poYMYpDLHk
[2]Szepes, Maria; The Red Lion, The Elixir of Eternal Life; First published in Hungary in 1946.
