About Me — Erie Astin
Montana writer, wanderer, vessel for the light and the darkness
Hi, I’m Erie! I’m 38 years old and live in rural Montana, though I traveled around the world for college and graduate school. My degrees are in history, philosophy, classics, and English literature. I wanted to study as many of the humanities as possible in order to create my own ideas.
When I was young and obsessed with myself, I wanted to be one of the greatest writers who ever lived. Now I write to express myself, to get out the anger and joy and pain. I write because when I don’t it feels like I can’t breathe. Having always loved the feel of holding my finished pages full of words, I want to write stacks of books and stories.
Short Bio
I have always felt different, like I’m looking at the world from the outside. I’m an only child, so it was always just my parents and me in our tight little unit of three. It didn’t feel like anyone else was like us. We were atheists surrounded by religion, liberals in a sea of conservatives, intellectuals in towns without museums or libraries.
When we moved to Bozeman, Montana when I was three, we began a life far away from extended family. My parents never had friends (probably why I don’t know how to make friends as an adult) and we were happy just doing stuff with each other.
This “stuff” was often outdoor adventures. We lived in vast, remote areas in the American West — the sagebrush deserts of southern Idaho, the valleys of rivers and fields and forests in western Montana.
In elementary school, I spent recesses running around in the grass far from the other kids, sprinting and spinning as stories whirled in my head. These stories were about wolves, usually. Never people. I didn’t understand people.
I grew restless in Montana by my senior year of high school and longed for life in a big city. Be careful what you wish for. I was miserable amid the noise and the dirt and the crowds and experienced my first major depressive episode, with others occurring frequently throughout college and grad school. I quickly learned to appreciate where I came from.
Today, I live with my parents in a Montana valley surrounded by mountains, content with my zero-stoplight town of 1,000 people and in love with the rolling fields.
My Life Philosophy
We have so very little time on this earth. That’s awful; it’s not fair. But I’ve discovered that the shortest moments, when accompanied by intense emotion, can feel like they expand outwards to infinity.
We invented our gods and that creative power makes us the true deities. Our inner flames, the power of humanity, flare outward toward the stars.
Writing is my purpose on this earth. I am a vessel for the vastness, the mystery, the greatness, the glory, the pain, the suffering, the light, the darkness.
Quick Facts About Me
- I have had a headache every day for over nine years. I’m on disability and have lost count of how many doctors I’ve seen and tests I’ve taken.
- I have Bipolar disorder, anxiety, and just got through treatment for an eating disorder.
- Sitting in my recliner while reading and writing is heaven.
- Favorite foods: Pizza, garlic bread, sweets of any kind, seafood, Italian.
- Music: Classical. I feel like Beethoven wrote his music just for me. I feel the greatness and pain and striving pulsing through it, and revere him as a kindred spirit.
Favorite Places
There are places in this world so marvelous that you wouldn’t live a full life if you didn’t get to see them. Here are some of my favorite travel experiences:
- Portugal — training for a week over spring break with my university rowing team.
- Rome — feeling myself expand as I took in marvelous ruins and walked in the steps of Cicero, one of my historical idols.
- The south of France — traveling by myself at the last minute and getting along fine (with a few memorable glitches that I’ll write about sometime).
- Oxford — the city that led me to pursue my full potential.
The Place That Changed My Life
When I was 20, I spent my junior abroad at Oxford University in England. I was in awe of the medieval buildings and felt myself incredibly fortunate to be in such a magical, wonderful, dream-like place.
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To waste time there would be a sin. So I went to the library and scribbled in my notebooks, writing out all of my rambling thoughts. On top of my heavy coursework, I joined four student clubs.
Whenever I felt the urge to sit in my room and waste time on the internet, I made myself take a walk, go to a concert, or take the train out to the countryside.
Walking through Oxford’s streets in the footsteps of the great scholars and writers who had come before me stirred the ambition in my blood. I walked in the same place as the great ones, so I could be great, too. Someday, I would write books the likes of which the world had never seen.
Before, I’d wanted to be a history professor, toiling away on articles about very specific subjects, as history professors must do. But the wild joy I experienced at Oxford led me to pursue the creativity that had smoldered within my all my life. Oxford put me on the path of being a writer.
Desires
I’m restless, desperate not to let my life slip away while I just sit here, not doing the things I want to do.
I want to sing and dance with abandon, make art, play my clarinet and violin and piano, and dress in bright, patterned clothes that don’t match.
I want to have adventures. I want to feel my body working hard to haul me up mountains and the pleasant soreness that comes after.
I want to look upon beautiful things and travel all through Europe.
What I Write About On Medium
- Personal experiences, family, pets (family and pets being the same thing!).
- Poetry.
- Mental health, disability, and illness.
- Travel.
In short, I am niche-less and write about whatever topics I feel the need to.
Thanks for reading!
