20+ Years Summed Up (Part 2)
It took me a while to get here. By here, I mean finally writing the second piece of my 20+ years. I guess I really had no clue what to say, although writing the first article : 20+ years summed up (part 1), I kind of always had a hunch there would be more to it — I guess I was right about that part.
The Quarter- Life Crysis
Everyone knows about the mid-life crisis, but very few talk or know about the quarter-life crisis. Twenties can be a confusing time for most of us. If I am to be completely honest, it is a confusing time for all of us.
I went on Twitter today, and the first tweet I saw was from a friend of mine. It read:
I need to get my life back together.
This was followed by other tweets in which she spoke of how lifeless she felt, how she did not have the morale nor energy to do anything and how she was simply doing things because she had too. Now, I know people don’t necessarily always mean what they write on social media, but there was some truth to this. How many of us feel that way right now? How many of us have felt that way at some point in their twenties?
Some days you wake up feeling like superman — indestructible, confident and certain about what you are doing with you life. Other days you wake up feeling scared, confused and really uncertain with everything going on in your life. You question your career choice, your relationships and your current state. On really bad days, you wake up lifeless, not really feeling anything at all. Those are the days when jokes don’t matter; the days when you don’t really care what happens in the future; where you are neither happy nor sad but rather just stuck in a state of limbo. Those are the days when you realize just how happy everyone else is, and you — well, you are just there, breathing but really alive.
If you have ever felt this way, like I have; then you have hit the quarter life crisis. It helps to know why you feel that way in the first place. A great sign of being in the quarter-life crisis is the “imposer syndrome”. A period where adults don’t really consider you and adult, whilst kids don’t also think you are one of their own. You struggle to fit in, except you have no clue where exactly you are suppose to fit in. On one hand you are desperately trying to hold on to the “kid” in you, while on the other you yearn for the stability that comes with adulthood. The consequential result is a state of confusion, with the society and everyone else around you throwing mixed signals about what you should be doing and who should be. Everybody expects you to know the way. Ironically, everyone else seems to have an opinion of where you should be going, everyone except you.
An article by Patrick Allan tried to discern some of the stages of this period in one’s twenties:
Patrick highlights some of the key phases of quarter-life crisis, citing research conducted by Dr.Oliver Robinson of University of Greenwich. According to the study, this period can be broken down into 5 main stages:
- Phase One: You feel trapped by your life choices, like your job, relationship, or both. You’re living on “autopilot.”
- Phase Two: You get a sense of “I’ve got to get out of this” and feel a growing sense that change is possible if you just take a leap.
- Phase Three: You quit the job, end the relationship, or break the commitment that’s making you feel trapped. Then you detach and enter a “time out” period where try to rediscover who you are and who you want to be.
- Phase Four: You begin rebuilding your life slowly but surely.
- Phase Five: You develop new commitments that are more in line with your interests and aspirations.
The experience for most people, is that they come out stronger and more emotionally intelligent. However, this trial period, the confusion and stress, has caused a number to fall into depression — yet another subject we hardly discuss.
Cessation:
According to Dr.Robinson, “people who try” are more susceptible to quart-life crisis than those who do not. Those who are driven by the zeal to succeed, to do better and to go beyond are more likely to feel this way. And one still wonders why they are feeling depressed, when you do not see your efforts matching the results.
The more we talk about this, the more likelihood we will all make it to the other side “alive”. More of us need to know that they are not alone and that their efforts are not wasted. We need to reconnect to one another, and understand that we are all just as confused as the other person. I say instead of the highlight reels, instead of trying to hide our insecurities by putting on a mask of just how much figured out we have it, we start talking to each other more often. The more conversations we have with each other about it, the more we get out of it — TOGETHER.
To everyone out there who is experiencing the same thing right now, remember this:
Regression to the mean — however bad or good something is at the moment, it always evens out in the end. It’s going to be okay.
