I Call This Look It Me
Some words on Medium’s first meme
The dress up box:
A trunk filled with treasures. My mom’s 80s throwaways. A couple of tutus. Lipstick. High heels that were too big for me. Hats and pearls and beads and baubles. I don’t remember how I amassed the collection, only that it was ever growing, and of all my childhood “toys,” it took the longest to outgrow.
Playing dress up was my favorite game. I’d consult the trunk both alone and when my friends would come over. I remember how powerful it was to pretend to be older, glamorous. And in the dark times of my childhood, to be someone else. Carmen Miranda. Ariel. Sandy from Grease. And around the time of my parents divorce, a bride.
As an extremely sensitive and hyper-aware little girl, I quickly learned that part of my survival as a woman was going to hinge on learning how to transform. Or maybe just allowing myself to take part in fantasy, even if only for an hour or two.
I never realized this coping mechanism was something I carried with me into adulthood until a bad bout of depression earlier this year. Mornings are the worst when you are sad, so I tried to establish some kind of routine. I’d wake up, make coffee, and take to my closet to pick out the day’s armor. It wasn’t much different from my time sifting through the dress up box; I’d find myself imagining the different women I could be. Because sometimes living with yourself is just…unbearable.
I posted the pictures to Twitter and it made me happy that people found joy — however small or meaningless — in my performance. My editor Mark Lotto and I thought an expanded version might make a good Medium project. But we didn’t really know if “I Call This Look” was something people would relate to, or even more simply, want to take part in. It was an experiment.
We were surprised at the reaction: dozens of people have contributed looks and countless others have enjoyed them. I had the pleasure of meeting Freddie, Mitzi, Mona, Alex, and Kanye West’s Life Changing Bi-Curious Encounter at the Smith College Pre-College Summer Enrichment Program, just to name a few.
And I’ve realized, especially in reading the Looks of friends, that they actually reveal more about the writer than the character they’re playing. Looks expose what someone is insecure about. Who they want to be someday. Who they never want to be. Where they are from or where they have lived. I think in some way I am Madeleine, Jane, Sandra, Kelly, Gabriella, Debbie, Miranda and Jamie. I’m hard on them because I’m hard on myself.
You don’t have to be interested in fashion or even be a woman to see your closet as a dress up box. You just need to think that there are many different people that go into the making of just one — and find that kind of fun!
Thanks to everyone who participated in the series, and I hope you keep on I Call This Looking. I know I will.
