Alberta Revolting: A 2015 Voters Guide 4
Guide to the Wildrose Party
Official Name: Wildrose Political Association
Known Aliases: Wildrose, Crazy Nut-jobs
Leader: R. Brian Jean
Seats in Legislature at Dissolution: 5 of 87 (5.7%)
Electoral Goal for Next Assembly: Get back Danielle Smith & Co’s Seats 14 of 87 (16%)
Ideology: The Three Laws of Wildrosotics
Agenda: Implement the Three Laws of Wildrosotics: 1. A Wildrose Government may not raise taxes or through inaction allow taxes to be raised, 2. A Wildrose government must obey any order given it by an Oil company provided that order does not raise taxes, 3. A Wildrose Government must protect its own existence from floor crossers, unless doing so would raise taxes.
Party Motto: The sole functions of government are to cut taxes and obey orders from Oil companies.
Headquarters: Presently downsizing to 8'x4'x4' storage locker in Barrhead. Previous 8'x12'x12' storage locker in Innisfail was wantonly extravagant.
They’re not the PCs today. They may be PCs tomorrow. Almost all of them have been PCs in the past and some of them have wandered back and forth more than once but right now we can definitely say that the Wildrose Party are not part of the PCs. Probably.
And hey you’ve been drinking coke for the last 44 years why not try Pepsi for the next 44 years!
And they won’t raise taxes no matter what. Not even to save your life.
And they promise they’ll all stay on the opposition benches this time if that’s where they end up after the vote. Maybe. They’ll try really hard to try not to cross the floor.
Fortunately R. Brian Jean has been busily programming all of their potential MLAs with their three laws which should more or less keep them on track.
So they won’t raise taxes. He hopes.
And if not, well Coke and Pepsi could always merge. Perhaps Preston Manning will volunteer to serve as midwife for that one again.
Bottom line: voting for Wildrose as the next government is like switching from decaf to regular coffee and hoping you’ll sleep better. Also make sure you’re comfortable with that 50/50 chance you may end up with a PC MLA or worse an MLA with a case of MPPD (multiple political party disorder).
