American Perp Walk | In Satire We Trust
Trump’s Erratic Easter Bunny Speech
Balconies and bunnies push demagogues to extremes, says plush mascot historian
WASHINGTON (S.J. Newman) — Accompanied by the Easter Bunny at the White House egg roll last Sunday, Donald Trump shocked parents when his address to children devolved into a balcony speech fit for a dictator:
“Every kid disease not cured, every school not built, in the final sense, frees up billions of dollars to make my military the tippy-toppiest in the world.”
“It’s a curious phenomenon,” said plush mascot historian, Victor Lazlo, “there’s something about balconies and Easter bunnies that make demagogues go gaga.”
“Mussolini had planned a speech promising to give regular Guiseppe’s an even break while making trains run on time,” said Mr. Lazlo. “While Hitler had scheduled an address outlining plans to create a people’s car and a fast shuttle service to Dusseldorf.”
But according to Mr. Lazlo, after the Easter Bunny appeared on balconies across prewar Europe, dictators’ good intentions were mostly derailed. Though one notable exception was Generalissimo Franco who honored his promise to create “spaghetti in a can”.
“When accosted by a tubby mascot mincing about, such as the Easter Bunny or even Barney, most normal people have to resist the urge to punch them in the face,” Mr. Lazlo said. “Yet, authoritarians and their followers tend to fall head over heels for these fuzzy agitators.”
Mr. Lazlo explained that while many Americans are expecting fascism to arrive wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross, or at least in the guise of a large Russian doll, “it has already arrived wearing a bunny suit.”
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You may also enjoy reading my satire: How Sarah Huckabee Sanders Lied Her Way Through the 1996 Arkansas State Spelling Bee.
Check out Donna Kasin’s excellent story on fascism in the White House.
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S. J. Newman is a freelance Creative Director and a certified writer at Comedywire where he heckles current events. See the usual suspects walk the red carpet of shame on his blog, American Perp Walk.
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