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How Sarah Huckabee Sanders Lied Her Way Through the Arkansas State Spelling Bee
A 14-year-old Sarah Huckabee once bamboozled judges to win the 1996 Arkansas State Spelling Bee, perhaps foreshadowing her future as a prevaricating White House Press Secretary. The following was transcribed from an old home video Sarah’s mother mistakenly returned to Blockbuster in a ‘Sling Blade’ box:
Judge: Sarah, for the win, spell, Ecclesiastes.
Sarah: Easy. Ecclesiastes. E-c-l-e-s-i-a-s-t-e-s. Ecclesiastes.
Judge: I’m sorry, Ecclesiastes is spelled with two c’s.
Sarah: That’s what I said.
Judge: No you didn’t.
Sarah: I can’t help it if y’all didn’t hear me right, I got these darn rubber bands on my braces.
Governor Huckabee: (theatrically clears throat in audience)
Judge: Maybe I misheard you — judges, to be fair, can we give Miss Huckabee another word? Yes? Spell, recidivist.
Sarah: Can I hear that in a sentence, ‘cuz I personally think that’s a fake word.
Judge: The thief was not granted bail because he was a known recidivist.
Sarah: I’m pretty certain I heard this word used before.
Judge: Will you spell it, please?
Sarah: Like I said, this word has been covered before.
Judge: What do you mean, “covered before”?
Sarah: Frankly, if you guys don’t know this word has already been used in like a million other spelling bees…
Judge: Please spell the word or be disqualified.
Sarah: Disqualified. D-i-s-q-u-a-l-i-f-i-e-d. Disqualified.
Judge: That’s incorrect, please sit down.
Sarah: I spelled it right. I would refer you to Webster’s 10th Collegiate Dictionary.
Judge: You spelled the wrong word correctly.
Sarah: You said, “spell the word ‘disqualified’ an’ I did!”
Judge: I said “spell the word, which was recidivist, OR BE disqualified!”
Sarah: No you didn’t.
Judge: Young lady, get off the stage now!
Sarah: Sir, this is a spellin’ bee, not a shoutin’ match.
(she arches an eyebrow imperiously)
Judge: It’s about to become a wrestling match if you don’t take your seat.
Sarah: Recidivist. R-e-c-i… (interrupted by time buzzer)
Judge: You did not spell the word in the time allotted.
Sarah: Well, you guys keep on interruptin’ me! (starts crying) Daddy?
Governor Huckabee: Lordy, let my girl spell the word!
Judge: Judges, can we allow more time on this? Yes? Okay, spell recidivist.
Sarah: Recidivist. R-e-c-i-d-i-v-i-s-t. Recidivist.
Judge: That is correct. Hold on a sec…
Judge 2: Um, I believe the Governor was mouthing the letters to his daughter.
Governor Huckabee: I wasn’t mouthin’ — I was prayin’.
Judge: Praying what, Governor? The Lord’s R-e-c-i-d-i-v-i-s-t Prayer?
Governor Huckabee: Excuse me sir, I‘m talkin’ to my daughter. Pum’kin, didn’t Mama tell you not to wear so much makeup? Y’all look like a hussy.
Sarah: I do not.
Governor Huckabee: Do too.
Sarah: Well, I won the dang spellin’ bee, didn’t I? Are we done here?
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You may also enjoy reading my story, My Kids Draw Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
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S. J. Newman is a freelance Creative Director and a certified writer at Comedywire where he heckles current events. See the usual suspects walk the red carpet of shame on his blog, American Perp Walk.
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