What Would Different Characters’ Famous Last (Typed) Words Be?
By Chip Compton
The blog you are about to read is a sequel of sorts. It follows in the footsteps of “Eleven Ways to Surprise People with Your Out of Office Email,” which was penned by Britton Marketing & Design Group’s own Nic Hulting, content strategist. Not only was the post creative and witty, but it was also recommended more than 200 times on Medium and featured on the blog publisher’s home page. I don’t know how big Nic’s coattails are, but I hope there is room for me, because I’m going for a ride.
So while it is intimidating to follow our content strategist, our expert in blogging and all things Interweb (is that the correct term?), I’m going to give it a shot (no pun intended, in regard to some of the messages you are about to read) with these final Out of Office messages from famous characters.
Sonny Corleone (The Godfather)
These computers. What good are they? Badda-beep, badda-bap, badda-boop, badda-beep. Anyway, even though I don’t talk business on the email, I gotta tell ya that I’m away from the Corleone compound for a few hours because I have a meeting in Hell’s Kitchen to beat up that gavone brother-in-law of mine, Carlo. You could try to reach my bodyguards, but they will be right behind me. I will return your message when I get back, unless the Long Beach Causeway has Wi-Fi.
Marion Crane (Psycho)
I’m currently out of the office (and it has nothing to do with the $40,000) because I am going to have dinner with Norman Bates and stay at his motel. It will be nice to get away and take a hot shower.
Bartholomew Quint (Jaws)
Argh, these new-fangled contraptions. I’m gonna be away from Amity for a while ’cause I’m takin’ Chief Brody and Mr. Hooper out for a little shark-huntin’ excursion on the Orca. I won’t be available by radio, either, as sometimes I go ballistic and crush the damn thing with a baseball bat. Oh, and life jackets? Them’s for college boys.
King Kong (King Kong)
Rooooooooooaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! Annnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!! Empire State Building!!!!!!!!!! Jojojifewopn;vojwn;nvnlvoeiwp4jprnjnfebnfbekjfkrfrfopwfrnnafopijfg!!!!!!!!!!
Robb, Talisa, and Catelyn Stark (Game of Thrones)
We’re going to be away from the North for a few days. It’s time for Robb and Talisa’s wedding! If you need us, you can try contacting Walder Frey’s squire. If that doesn’t work, try Roose Bolton. We look forward to seeing your sigil upon our return.
Billy Batts (GoodFellas)
Hey, everybody! I just got out of the joint, so I’m headed over to Henry’s bar to have a little party and celebrate, with no intention of insulting anybody — not even a little bit. I may even get my shoes shined — if Tommy still has his shine box. Salud!
The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)
My pretties, and your little dogs, I’m going to be out of the office for a bit. Why? Oh, I’m headed to Emerald City for the usual stuff — Munchkins, flying monkeys, ruby slippers. Truth be told, I really need to get away to work on my spell casting. “Out of office, will not return for a few days. Out of office to practice my wicked ways.”
Jack Torrance (The Shining)
Here’s Johnny! I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. I’m out of the office. Has anyone seen Danny?
Adriana La Cerva (The Sopranos)
What are the freakin’ odds? I get my new computah but I can’t use it because I gotta go see Christofuh in the hospital. Silvio’s givin’ me a ride. I’ll be back soon. Love from Ade and Cozette.
Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)
It’s not true. I do know something. I’m a master swordsman and the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. With the help of Ygritte, I’ve been able to tame this beast known as the Out of Office message. I’m going to be at Castle Black for a bit, as I have a meeting with the wildlings. If you must contact me, send a three-eyed raven. And, as always, winter is coming.
Luke Jackson (Cool Hand Luke)
I’m goin’ on the run, boss. I’m tired of livin’ in the box. You probably wanna know where I’m goin’. No deal, boss. You know why? Because sometimes no message can be a real cool message.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
I feel a disturbance in this email program, so I am off to Alderaan with Luke Skywalker. If you need me, send a hologram through R2-D2, or you can try calling the Millennium Falcon, though when flying through hyperspace Han makes us turn off our electronic devices. You know what? If you really need to contact me, use the Force. It is strong with you. Just try to think your message to me.
Col. Walter Kurtz (Apocalypse Now)
I am not available, nor will I ever be. I have become friends with horror and terror. I will not return your message, as it is not one of my primordial instincts, instincts I use without feeling, without passion, without judgment. I see your message as an unsound method. I see your message as a horror — a horror.
R.P. McMurphy (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest)
I’m out, man. Hey, what’s with these computers? They’re a wonder of modern science! Anyway, tonight I’m hangin’ with the ding-a-lings, Billy, Chesaroo, Chief, and the others. We’re havin’ a party tonight while Nurse Ratched’s gone! There’s no medication tonight — just the booze. And remember, a little dab’ll do ya.
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Sources: IMDB.com
Photos: Shutterstock, Giphy, and Levent Konuk / Shutterstock.com
