What’s Love Got To Do With It?

By Christy Davis

Tina Turner sings:

What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

We’re learning a partnership is not just about those warm and fuzzy feelings that accompany infatuations. It isn’t just about the complex emotions that go along with feelings of affection.

Those of us in relationships know it is also about commitment. Amy Chan wrote a great blog published in the Huffington Post back in 2012, What is More Important — Love or Commitment.

Her key points resonate with the Asia P3 Hub team and many of our partners as we navigate “falling in love” — at least, our professional, partnering version of it.

1. A partnership is about commitment, and being responsible to that commitment regardless of what the external variables of the time are. It’s about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the relationship even when it would “feel” better to not.

In our multi-sector partnership world, it’s “stick-to-itiveness”, having the tenacity to find Plan Bs and Cs and alternative paths forward to achieve the mutual goal.

2. Love, in the way most of us define it, isn’t enough. Love isn’t what makes you decide to not act out your desires when someone attractive starts showing you attention… Love is not what makes you apologize and give your partner a hug after an argument…Love is not what makes you weather the storm when disaster strikes…Love is not what makes you decide to treat each other with kindness, respect and empathy during a breakup…No, it’s not love. It’s commitment. It’s the responsibility to keeping your commitment. Not just to the other person, but to yourself.

3. Love isn’t rational. It can’t be controlled. If you allow a feeling that is so emotional and malleable to dictate your behaviour, you’ll realise quickly that it only pans out when things are up, not when they’re down. Commitment on the other hand, will guide you through both. Commitment is not dependent on the heartstrings, it’s dependent on a conscious choice you make — and that, is something you have complete control over.[1]

So what’s love got to do with it?

Everything, though we’re not talking about romantic love. There are qualities in meaningful relationships which apply to our professional, multi-sector partnership context.

Relationships require each of us to consider the other(s), to compromise and meet in the middle to create shared-value, mutually beneficial outcomes. It is a mutual commitment for the present and the future.

Tussles, hard times and awkward moments can turn into positive learning experiences, and we come out stronger on the other side of the challenge. Chris Conners says, “take the positive experiences and live through the memories and build toward new experiences… go “all in” in thoughts, words and actions…be present, work hard…there will be easy, seamless days, but there will also be conflict and struggle.”

Is there a leap of faith that is required? Absolutely. But once we’ve made the commitment, we pledge to honour and value each other to pursue our shared mission and the change we want to be and facilitate in our world. It’s not airy-fairy! It is with clear roles, responsibilities, goals, shared value and a roadmap by which to partner. Unrealistic and idealistic? Maybe. But at the end of the day, it’s a human connection that brings meaning and can create significant change for good.

What’s love got to do with it? What’s it got to do with partnerships? Thankfully, everything. And we’re willing to get our hearts broken from time to time if that’s what it takes to figure this out.

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