Too Gay, Too Christian, Too Loving
Criticized for Being Me
I am gay. And united to Jesus. And I try to love all people with kindness.
And most people do not like that combination.
I am the newest writer for “Backyard Church” — a Medium publication for recovering evangelicals who are apt to be labeled a heretic, destined to hell unless they repent.
I am also just as apt to be labeled a homophobe who does not fit within the global LGBTQ community.
And virtually everyone thinks I am too loving to those outside of their tribe.
So for my soon-to-be friends within the Backyard Church, be prepared to cringe over my gayness and love of LGBTQ individuals. To my current gay friends, if you follow me enough, you will soon brand me as a poor LGBTQ tribe member — and you will suggest I resign.
And to all who criticize me for being me, I offer a loving appreciation of your perspective and the right to express it to me. And that seems to piss off everyone.
Indeed, many people have said to me that I lived the most unusual gay life ever. Much of my personal story has already been recorded and broadcast in James Powell’s excellent radio show, This Little Light of Mine. Furthermore, my story will also soon be released by Backyard Church’s own Eric Sentell.
Now, you be the judge as to why I am too gay. And too Christian. And too loving.
Too Gay
For over 40 years, I had been an evangelical: a religious people-group in America famous for being “anti-homosexual” and for believing that fully equal rights for gays will destroy America and the Church. For the first 25 years, I believed something similar. I was one of the vice presidents of Focus on the Family (i.e., perhaps the most famous Christian organization in America for its stand against gay rights during 1990–2000). However, once I came out as gay, I resigned from Focus on the Family. Instead, I became one of America’s primary phone coaches to “homosexual” Christian men.
My coaching was arguably the pioneer method for disdaining sexual orientation change. Instead, my coaching focused on reducing unnecessary shame over the existence of the Christian man’s same-sex attraction (SSA). When the pro-conversion therapy agencies of Focus on the Family and Exodus International learned that I was not providing conversion therapy, I was immediately fired from receiving their referrals.
Today, I am universally out as a gay Christian. Most evangelicals prefer I not use the word “gay” in my sexual identity. They prefer I use “I struggle with SSA.” But I do not struggle with my attraction. Rather, it is a matter-of-fact part of who I have always been since puberty — and will be so until my death.
Furthermore, having received two years of Conversion Therapy (and experiencing zero change in the reduction of my SSA), I was perhaps the first professional counselor to proclaim:
“I have counseled or met thousands of Christian men who experience SSA. I have yet to meet even one whose SSA has been eliminated.”
Nope, my certainty is that SSA is automatic and permanently enduring.
And my position is “too gay” for the tastes of traditionalist Christians.
Too Christian
Despite my “true-blue” membership in the LGBTQ community [after all, I am the “G” in those strings of letters], many in that tribe cannot tolerate my former association with Focus on the Family and Exodus International. Some have called me “filth” and “dangerous.” Shoot, Rachel Maddow even conducted two of her MSNBC television shows on the subject of how I must be fired from my secular job. To her, I was a deplorable role model. Her adamancy resulted in a nationwide media blitzkrieg to get me fired for being, in essence, too evangelical Christian. I was an early victim of the “cancel culture.” Sigh.
All-too-many of the dear LGBTQ readers of my articles expresses their intolerance for my deep and forevermore allegiance to Jesus — my God, my King, my rescuer, my friend, and my husband. Furthermore, they express their conviction that the bible is a useless — harmful — source in our contemporary world. They regard the bible as a mean-spirited fairy tale, deserved of being a banned book. I deeply understand the ongoing and horrific pain that Christians and the bible have inflicted upon such precious readers. For non-Christian gays, the Christians and their use of the Bible have served as a cruel enemy to their self-worth and societal rights.
So they say that unless I repent of my allegiance to Jesus and my “distorted” belief in the bible, I am not to be trusted as a writer for the LGBTQ community. Golly, I was recently severely criticized for declaring the reality that some gay Christians are striving to live a life of celibacy. I guess “celibacy” is hate speech to some LGBTQ individuals who Christians have deeply harmed. For them, one cannot be a celibate gay Christian and part of the LGBTQ community. That is a sad, more narrow perspective — and counterproductive to their own movement for equality.
Okay … I guess I am “too Christian.”
Too Loving
Jesus is not only my husband; He is also my role model. I want to love ALL individuals in the same way which Jesus did. “Gentle and lowly” in spirit. I want my behaviors to verify that the fruit of my heart is “peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22–23, in part).” Jesus even asks me to love my enemies in the same way I would want to be treated. In Jesus’ taxonomy, NO human deserves anything less than dignity — because all people are made in God’s image and deserve equality.
Such dignity is what I attempt to show my harshest Christian critic and most wounded LGBTQ teammate. Equal respect to one and all is my intent. Even when someone is purposefully trying to “cancel” me and make me bleed, Jesus asks me to turn the other cheek for more blows to the face. After all, that is what Jesus did. Unfairly judged guilty in a kangaroo Supreme Court, Jesus was subjected to horrific torture, public humiliation, and execution. And consequently, Jesus said,
“Father, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34a).”
It seems to be a universal truth that people who gain their essential identity from being in a “tribe” quickly assess blame, then retribution, to the competing tribes. Even annihilation.
My love for every Christian — and simultaneously for every LGBTQ individual — is “too soft” for both of those tribes. Mike, they insinuate, you must “pick a side” and stay true to it.
I pick “Side Jesus.” I choose love.
“Love is patient; love is kind. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4–6, in part).”
Gosh, if only I could do a better job of doing exactly that for my Christian and LGBTQ brothers.
Dr. Mike Rosebush has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. He is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor who has mentored thousands of gay Christian men.
You may want to read a short synopsis of his story here.
Today, he provides friendship support to gay men across the U.S. and can be contacted via Facebook.
You may read his many other Medium articles here.
