Time To Change AGAIN
I have lived to learned that L.I.F.E isn’t in the comfort zone.
Learning, changing, getting better, there is no better road for me. And yet in the last article I am a mess, I discovered that I am afraid of changing.
I wasn’t aware of that… and thus I learned that fear appears very subconsciously and in many ways. Unknowingly you stay away from REAL change. Fear is so tightly wrap up with other emotions that you often don’t realize that it is fear that is guiding your every step.
In my case, I felt safe, happy with who I am, but unhappy with the circumstances. I was so happy to have achieved a better version of me that I started to not challenge myself.
I am not afraid of starting new things anymore, so I thought trying some new things meant I was always pushing myself. Truth is trying new things is already part of me.
I subconsciously knew that getting to where I aim to be meant changing and yet, I was blind to it.
Thriving to get a better pay, trying interesting things, putting me first is already part of me, thinking of doing something to my mind effortlessly. Getting a new job, changing my home and all the stuff that I do, can be called change (major change for some people).
Then what is the Change that I am afraid of ?
Changing myself.
Not the things around me, but me. I mean, we often change our circumstances, stuff or friends. But truth is the same actions causes the same consequences so, even if external changes helps, true change is within us.
The goal is to be a better me, then why am I afraid ?
Fear of Pain, Discomfort, and Effort
I worked my ass so much to be at this good comfortable place. In behalf of what, should I leave this comfy place and feel pain again …. Isn't life tough enough ? In behalf of which “change” should I suffer again. I mean I already love myself .
I think if my subconscious and me could have a discussion, I am pretty sure it is what it would be yelling.
Next comes :
Fear of Failure
I don’t dare imagine what I will feel if I put all of my energy on something, and I fail … I don’t think my self-confidence is ready to be shaken. Yes I am afraid to discover that this brand new confidence is built on sand.
This is my biggest fear .. I know I have to overcome the fear of failure but I can’t handle failure. I try every day to come with ways to help me change on this aspect, but I nearly panic each time I think of failing.
And this may be the change I should make now.
You may not have guessed through the rambling but , I feel I should change but I don’t know what to change or how.
Yes …. I am getting depressing over something I don’t even know what its about…
Any way back to topics.
Fear of critism
Nothing to add, all is said. We should ignore other people thoughts, but we don’t live alone. I am still good at ignoring people but I wont’t purposely “put myself naked on the place”.
Fear of loosing control
I can only control myself and you are telling me I should let it go ?????? And change , without even knowing exactely who I will become ?
Kamga Tchassa tried to tell me that I may be afraid of something that doesn't exist. But common … Who is foolish enough to release the only strand they are holding ? Even while I am writing, I feel the panic dwelling through me *chuckles”.
Awareness is the first step. For that I am grateful.
Now I know where to start.
F.
