Creating Powerful Partnerships

Notes from Sundays’ dinner July ‘18

Hello, and welcome back to the Sunday Conversation. This is our second blog post, recapping learnings from our last dinner where our community discussed partnerships. Since this is only our second post, I’ll use this opportunity to recap what we’re about.

About Sundays

Sundays is a rapidly growing community about conscious leadership in NYC and LA . We believe the world and its organizations would work better if people shared more. We think it starts with communication and creating places and companies that let people fully show up as themselves. We gather at secret locations for dinner on Sundays to discuss topics that you might not typically talk about at dinner. We’ve developed a simple conversation framework which holds a 16 people to one conversation. This framework allows us to learn through listening, and by sharing from experience.

The framework

1. Speak from I (aka experience). At Sundays, we do not give advice. We share. We ask our attendees to speak from personal experience about what’s working for them and what isn’t. We ask why, offer support, and make suggestions. “Have you tried XYZ, it’s working for me and here are the benefits,” is different than saying “You should do XYZ, I think it would really work for you.” Let’s face it, we have absolutely no idea what will work for other people — because we’re us, not them.
2. Respect the speaker. This one is straightforward. No abrupt interruptions, please!
3. Ideas and concepts > issues and people. The problems are usually evident, and typically, the people don’t have anything to do with the solution. We all get the news. At Sundays, we’re about ideas, solutions, and creating opportunities.

To learn more about Sundays and read out manifesto, see our first post here.

June 10th Conversation

Led by Mark Mangan, we discussed the importance, benefits, and challenges to creating powerful partnerships. We spoke of partnerships primarily as they related to work and company creation, though we think the guidelines below can be applied to any form of partnership (including romantic.)

We can’t possibly know how any partnership will play-out in the long-run. However, we believe there are ways to set ourselves up for success.

Guidelines for building powerful partnerships

Know yourself first. We’ve seen many a partnership built on surface-level things like wanting to create the same type of company, solve the same problem, etc. The problem is that none of these factors determine whether a partnership will be successful. Strong partnerships are built on communication and support. Step one is getting to know yourself, first. This means not only knowing what you want to create, but now you’ll create it, and what you want to play in its creation. It requires knowing what lights you up and also what triggers you. Our group offered two tools that might help you learn about YOU, and more effectively communicate to others.

• Create a user manual — This is a physical or digital document which says, quite literally, “Here’s how to work with me.” We learned about user manuals from our friend Anastasia Alt and Samir Ryani. Here’s a great article on how you can create one today
• Take the Myers-Briggs — We’ve found the test helpful in understanding our communication framework and communicating it to others.

Know your partner. In our experience, the best partnerships are forged between people that really know each other. In startups, Y Combinator intentionally reviews the length and working history of co-founders before investing. Our suggestion here is simple: spend a lot of together before inking anything major. Date! Tackle a project or two, see what it’s like working together day-to-day. Give each other time and space to ask the hard questions and feel each other out.

Align values. When things get challenging, having strong values can be the foundation that holds a partnership together. Here’s a value set I created with a coach during the first quarter of 2018 —

Keep it simple | Go with the flow | Just move | Keep it fresh | Connect | Be open | Be you

These values were created to help me prioritize two things in 2018: more joy, more creative freedom. If I’m questioning a decision, such as tackling a project with someone new, I come back to the values and ask: does this project align with my core values? Will the role bring me more joy and creative freedom? Clearly articulated values has helped me more effectively attract good projects, partners, and teams I work well with. It’s important to note that this isn’t about only choosing partners with the same exact values. It’s about sharing your values with the world so that people better understand you, the choices you’re making, and the things you’re out to do and create.

Prioritize communication. If we nail steps 1–3 above, how do we keep the momentum? To us, the answer is simply communication. Partnerships are like one ever-evolving, ongoing conversation. When the conversation stops, so does the partnership. Making space where things can be open shared and discussed is crucial. Here’s a few ways to make space:

• Get a coach — Having a coach can serve as an accountability partner and allow you both parties to communicate more openly
• Check-ins and feedback loops — Check in at least once per quarter and address anything unsaid that might be causing friction. Offer feedback to each other in a way that’s honest and constructive. Outline actionable plans to course correct things that may have gone awry
• Reevaluate— People change and so do their values and needs. A partnership that worked for 10-years might no longer produce the same results if one or both persons have shifted desires. It’s important to reevaluate values to ensure both parties are still aligned

On the last point, it’s important to note that not all relationships are built to last forever. It is totally healthy and encouraged to transition relationships that are no longer serving you. One tool that’s worked for us in reevaluating partnerships is by creating a possibilities list. Here’s an example list from one of our members as it related to a business partnership —

1. Financial stability
2. Healthy debate
3. Creative freedom
4. Intellectually curious team
5. Innovative projects
6. Leadership opportunities
7. Significant growth potential

Rank each of the following possibilities on a scale of 1–10, sum them, and create an average. Your goal, of course, should be 10.

If you’re interested in attending dinner, request an invite here.