Three Questions to Help You Feel Better Immediately
The First Question
“Am I wrong for feeling what I feel?”
I was taught by my upbringing and by society that it was wrong to feel these ‘negative’ emotions.
This made me resist these negative emotions.
This resistance made my emotional pain worse.
I felt guilty on top of my emotional pain. And that made me feel even more bad!
And then I started resisting my feelings!
And that resistance to feeling bad made it even more worse for me!
And the next question helped me reach an important realization that soothed my pain:
The Second Question
“What if I am not wrong for feeling what I feel?” or “What if it’s okay to feel this way?”
Here is a great analogy:
If I fall off my bike, and hurt my knee, is my knee wrong for feeling pain?
Of course not! Right?
It’s just my physical body’s feedback and call for healing.
I realized then that most effective response is to appreciate my body for the feedback and then to do something to heal the wound that was causing the pain.
That may be as simple as putting a band-aid on it, or even going to the hospital!
Likewise, if my heart is hurt, is my heart wrong for feeling hurt?
Of course not!
It’s my emotional body’s feedback and call for healing!
That was the moment I realized that pain is inevitable because pain is just feedback but suffering is optional because suffering is the resistance to the pain!
So, the most effective response is to appreciate the feedback and ask my emotional body what message it has for me.
So that leads to the third question:
The Third Question
“If I am not wrong for feeling this way, what if I just let my feelings flow through me?”
Because ultimately, every fear we have is ultimately a fear of a feeling.
For example, I believe that I am not really afraid of rejection.
I am afraid of what I will feel when I am rejected or when I perceive rejection.
I am afraid that I cannot handle this feeling.
I am afraid that it will be too much for me.
But what if all it takes is to let it flow through me and appreciate it for the feedback it’s giving me?
Here is the thing:
I am so much more than my feelings!
The feeling is just a message telling us that something has gone wrong!
It’s our feedback mechanism!
It’s telling us what we are thinking.
For example, yesterday, somebody told me that she was worried about money.
So, I asked her: “How do you feel when you think the thought that you don’t have enough money?”
She laughed nervously and replied: “I feel very frightened, Kundan.”
I let that sink in.
I then asked her:
“How do you feel when you think the thought that you do have enough money?”
She said: “Oohh…I feel very happy. I feel that I am capable. I can do all this I want to do. I can do this and I can do that. Oh my God! Oh Kundan! I feel a total shift!”
I suddenly noticed her energy expand! She was opening up to possibilities she never imagined before!
So I said: “What I just did was show you the relationship between your thinking and your feeling. Do you see that now?”
Her feelings immediately gave her feedback on what she was thinking — and ultimately what she was believing around money!
I believe that our feelings are always ultimately giving us feedback on our beliefs. And some of our negative emotions are letting us know what beliefss we have that hold us back.
For example, it turned out that she had the subconscious negative programming and limiting beliefs:
“I have to work hard to get money.”
and
“I have to work hard to survive.”
The moment I had her say those words out loud, her body immediately responded with painful tears.
So we worked on healing those beliefs and removing them from her system forever.
After we did that, I had her say those beliefs out loud again. There was no response from her body and she just immediately cracked up! She had the biggest smile ever because it just felt like empty words coming out of her mouth! The belief was no longer with her, and so her body no longer needed to give her the feedback of sadness and pain!
So that leads to
The Bonus Question
4. “Thank you, pain, for the message. What is the message you have for me? What is the limiting belief and negative programming you want me to be aware of? What is the childhood wound you want me to be aware of?”
Because here is the flow of suffering that happens in most situations (Now, there are exceptions such as boundary-violation situations, etc. But that’s a topic for another article):
Subsconscious Negative Programming/Belief/Emotional-Virus of the Mind-Body
>>>>> Negative Meaning to a Neutral Event that has infinite meanings and therefore no meaning.
>>>>> Negative Thoughts
>>>>> Painful Feelings
>>>>> We feel wrong for feeling them because that’s what we’ve been taught. So we numb them with drugs, alcohol, smoking, ice cream, affirmations, incantations, ‘manifesting’, relationships we’re not ready for, etc.
>>>>> The Belief is still there and so perpetuates the Cycle!
Take a look at this flowchart for more clarity on this:
One way to break the cycle is to keep asking ourselves:
“Why does this bother me?”
At first, we will get shallow answers.
Eventually, we will get to our limiting belief such as: “I am not worthy of respect.”
For example, I used to get really mad if I send a text to somebody and I don’t get a response back the same day.
That’s because I used to give it the negative meaning such as : “That person is a jerk!”
I could have given it many more neutral meanings such as: “Maybe they were busy. Maybe their phone died. Maybe they were in a meeting. Maybe they didn’t know how to respond to my text.” And so much more.
If I had given it more neutral meanings, I would not have felt that painful temper tantrum!
But we can go even further: “Why did I give it a negative meaning in the first place?”
One way to find out was to keep asking myself: “Why does this bother me?”
In my case, the first answer I got was: “Well, that person is a jerk! She is deliberately doing this to me!”
“Why does this bother me?”
“Well, now I don’t feel respected!”
“Why does this bother me?”
“Well, now I feel like I am not worthy of respect!!”
Ah-ha! Now, we are getting somewhere!
I already had the programming running me that I was not worthy of respect, and I was using a neutral event to validate my belief!
Just being aware that we have the belief is a huge relief because now we are free to see that we are NOT our belief!
Of course the next step is to remove the belief. In my experience, the best option for me was to hire a coach to remove that belief and a lot of my major ones that were blocking me from being a more effective human being.
See the diagram below again for more clarity on this:
Also watch the video below:
If you’d like to receive Emotional Alchemy sessions to help you heal your emotions and beliefs, click here. Emotional Alchemy is the art of transforming your Emotional Pain into fuel for your Passion and Life Purpose.
I do this via Breakthrough Awakening, the Consciousness Technology I invented that takes you through first 4 Levels out of the 6 Levels of knowing yourself.
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About the Author Kundan Chhabra:
Kundan Chhabra provides Emotional Alchemy, which is the art of transforming your Emotional Pain into fuel for your Passion and Life Purpose
He does this via “Breakthrough Awakening”, the ground-breaking Consciousness Technology he invented. He created this technology after making the incredible discovery that there are actually 6 Levels of Knowing Yourself.
He also created the revolutionary relationship model that he calls “the Museship”.
It was his own pain and struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and bad relationships that led him to these discoveries and inventions.
He also created the course, “7 Keys to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships”, published on the DailyOm platform, which has 1.2 million subscribers.
Kundan also recently started a project called “My Surrender Experiment: 30 Days of Surrender: Creativity in Service of Life!”.
He is teaching a workshop on September 13th, 2015 in Irvine on “How to Get Over Bad Boys, Nice Guys and Female Drama”
He is committed to fully living his Heart-Virtue of “Divinity, Awakening and Sovereignty”.
He also helps you unlock your Heart-Virtue, which is the Unique Energy Signature of your Heart, your Heart-Print, what you were born for and what you’re willing to die for. It’s therefore the one thing that is completely non-negotiable and completely unavailable to manipulation. It is also what gives you the deepest level of fulfillment and the kind of moments that is described in the following video. The power of knowing your Heart-Virtue is that these beautiful moments don’t have to be accidents any more: you can build your life around it!
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