Just be your(best)self
By living in the present, þetta reddast — It will all work out.
We often hear phrases like ‘just be yourself’. It could have come our way in the context of facing a job interview, going on a date, or that time we had to speak in front of an audience.
Be myself? You’re kidding right? Have you met me? Din’t you mean ‘just be yourself, but not too much’?
One might argue that being yourself is bad advice since the world wouldn’t accept your true self — that you will never get that job. Have you ever considered that maybe that job wasn’t good enough for you to start with? Or maybe by being yourself, you learned something amazing from that experience? You are unique in your own way and are beautiful the way you are. Being yourself, coupled with humility and a growth mindset, sets you up on a progress where the sky is no limit. While you may not be the best at the task at hand, it is important that you just be your best self.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist” — Oscar Wilde
Being your best self sounds easy enough right? So what prevents us and why is it so difficult in practice? Below are some of the blockers and on how we can overcome them.
Past negativity and anxious Future
As human beings, we have the beautiful gift of memories. This could be a blessing or a curse, depending on how we use it. You could be taking a vacation beside the ocean, attending a conference overseas, or being there for your kid’s birthday party. But all you can think about is the anger you have towards a colleague or how you may not be able to make that mortgage payment in a few months. You are not there for yourself or giving your attention to that special someone in that present moment. If what is holding us back are people who hurt us in the past, we can choose to forgive them. They may not have known what they were doing and we can choose to not let it affect us today.
The past that affects us is not restricted to bad memories. We might be reminiscing about the great things we achieved yesterday. We might be using solutions that worked previously with a “that's how we always did it” mentality on a slightly different problem we face today. Act in the present, work on new achievements, solutions today and you will be surprised how easy it is to get things done.
I always used to worry about the bad things that could happen. It was my way of preparing for the worst case. Needless to say, it was a lie and I wasn’t preparing anything. When we constantly worry that something bad is going to happen, and when nothing bad happens, our brain incorrectly associates anxiety to nothing bad happening in the future — and the cycle continues. We also ignore the huge amount of time that was spent doing this unproductive activity, the outcome of which was not in our control in the first place. What’s even worse is that we probably spent time obsessing over an outcome we assumed we needed. By all means, dream about a bright future, but choose to put in the effort today.
What we think and feel outside the present is normal, and not all of it is our fault. Some of it is influenced by your personality. For example, INFJ personality types get caught up in their inner world, thinking of their future or reflecting on their past. Some other reasons could be due to how fast we are progressing, with all sorts of information thrown at us be it text, images, or videos. Staying in the present is difficult, but possible. And there is a lot of power in letting go.
Unhealthy fantasies and coping mechanisms
As if separating the past, present and future are not difficult enough, a lot of us fantasize about an alternate past, present, and future. We daydream and use that as a coping mechanism to escape our present because the present is really hard to deal with and we don’t believe there is something we can do about it. We also indulge in other activities like binge-watching, drinking, drugs, etc, all to escape the present reality. You may feel like people who talk about how the present is a gift do not understand your situation. You are probably right, but an unhealthy coping mechanism is not the answer — it just leads to further depression resulting in a vicious cycle. We can choose to practice being grateful for what we have in the present, resulting in elevating our energy and bringing abundance.
I once asked someone how they dealt with difficult situations in life e.g. a broken relationship. He answered, “relationship? aren’t video games enough?”. I really dint have a come back for that. It reminded me of Black Mirror season 5 ep 1.
If someone is going through a difficult time, telling them “Don’t think about it” doesn’t really help them. That’s because now, especially because you said don’t, that’s all they can think about. In addition to this, suppressing your thoughts or emotions is not healthy. The real solution is to think about healthy thoughts and do activities that promote our growth right now. Think of our mind having limited capacity — the more you do now to promote your growth, the less space the unhealthy thoughts occupy our minds.
Nothing is permanent
We also spend a large amount of time thinking about pursuing something that lasts forever. The truth is, nothing lasts forever. This appears as something depressing for most of us, but it should enable us to embrace our present.
I have a friend who constantly worries about death. I could never understand it. His life is so well put together, has a great career, finances and family life. My best guess is that he is probably worried about losing it all.
“Picture a wave in the ocean: You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight retracts…and then it crashes on the shore and then.. it’s gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while.” — The Good Place
We live many sequential lives. We die and we are born again, living in each moment. What has significance is not whether something lasts, but what we learn from an experience and how we use it in the present.
I am NOW
When we are in the present moment, we have all the ingredients to perform at our full potential, without our past baggage, future worries, or emotional addictions holding us down.
“Yea all that is great, but this ain’t gonna pay my bills!”
Wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t doing something now increase the probability of overcoming your obstacle?
Here is one way you cannot be your best self. Let’s say you want to change the way you think by having a positive outlook on life. You start to think about how to be positive and why you can’t stay positive, while your programmed subconscious mind is running your present. And then the day is over and you dint do anything positive in the present. The next day starts, and the cycle continues.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” — Eckhart Tolle
Embrace every new experience in the present by being in the present. If you have difficulties focussing, try clearing your mind of everything there was, and everything that will be. Let go of what you thought you don’t know or the skills you don’t have. Now picture a seed that is planted on the ground. As you go through your present experience imagine it grow into a plant. As and when needed, water this plant with the wealth of knowledge and learnings you already have gained over the years. When you are done with your experience, the plant has grown into a tree and you have shown the world your best self. You have now also rewired part of your fully programmed brain to do things you thought you couldn’t do.
Be a child, always keep growing.
I hope this article helps you to stay in the moment and be your best self in your next interview or any activity you were anxious about.
Thank you for reading.
