Suicide Prevention
Why Suicide Prevention Campaigns Failed Me — And What Could Save Lives
I attempted suicide. Here’s why suicide prevention campaigns did not work for me, and what could have.
Less than two years ago, I attempted to commit suicide. Since then, I readily notice messages about suicide prevention. I can tell you why none of these messages helped me. And I can tell you what could have. For me.
The Suicide Prevention Slogans That Fail Me
“We care. You matter.”
Really?
Even my family members and friends didn’t seem to care. I was a killjoy. I was a burden. They were running away.
If I believed that somebody cared, I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. And hearing such a statement from a perfect stranger ain’t gonna make me believe otherwise. Not even close.
“You are not alone.”
This one puzzles me.
I was alone in a condominium I could no longer afford. My job, my health, my business, my girlfriend, my money had all left me. I didn’t see the point of fighting the mountains in front of me just so I could continue living alone, with no purpose, while bringing no value to this world.
So… You think that you, a perfect stranger, will fill that void — just because you say so? Ridiculous. There is no way this message had any chance of making me call your helpline.
When you have mental health issues, and you mention it, people look at you in a strange way. Friends start running away. So… Yes, I was alone. Totally alone.
“Help is available.”
That’s the first thing I read after Googling ‘suicide prevention.’ I’ve seen it in numerous ads. I also read it when I reached the next stage: Googling methods to commit suicide. Well… Guess what?
I didn’t think there was any hope left for me. I didn’t think I was worthy of any help. I had some friends to whom I was just a burden. Nothing got better.
So… Why would help from you, a total stranger, actually be useful to me? I didn’t believe it. Totally didn’t.
As for the ‘availability’… Let’s talk about it.
“Consult a professional.”
Hmmm. Ok. Where? How?
When you bleed, you go to the emergency room, and people are there to help you. If you have a heart attack, you go to the front of the line. But when you are depressed and suicidal… Where do you go? Who do you see?
I knew I was in a depression even if it wasn’t diagnosed. I knew I needed help. But where could I go?
Have you tried getting an appointment with a professional psychologist or psychiatrist lately? In Canada, at least, you better start calling now if you think you’ll be depressed in 5 years! And to consult a shrink, you often need a referral from another doctor, which is another issue altogether.
In such a state of mind, even thinking about walking into a clinic to explain that I am suicidal in order to get help… Ya… Forget it! And my fears of ‘contacting’ somebody for help were confirmed after my suicide attempt.
Once my regular family doctor found out that I tried to kill myself, he wanted to transfer me to somebody else. Worse than that, the first two nurses I encountered in the emergency room after my suicide attempt were laughing at how much of a loser I was for trying to commit suicide. They thought I was asleep.
THAT is how ‘available’ mental health is in our healthcare system. Stop pretending help is readily available because it barely is.
“Don’t give up” or “Stay”
Well… Really?
I had given up. So… You think I’ll change my mind and snap out of my depression just because you say so? Do you also believe in unicorns?
I further discuss how asking suicidal people to “stay” is not enough in: Lessons from ‘A Star Is Born’ Compared to My Own Suicide Attempt: Words matter. Words have consequences.
Why They Didn’t Work & How to Improve Suicide Prevention
I didn’t trust you!
This was one of the most significant reasons why I wasn’t gonna call anybody.
My perception was that as soon as I called a suicide prevention hotline, a police car would show up in my driveway to lock me up in a room with no window. Why on Earth would I do that to myself?
You need to clarify how confidential these calls are — or not. I still don’t know!
So… What would have helped prevent my suicide attempt?
With a few months of hindsight and a lot of thinking, I believe there is one message that could have worked for me — something along these lines:
“Before you do it, let’s have one last talk. Why not?”
This message is non-threatening. Why not have one last talk with somebody? And this message is not trying to tell me stuff I do not believe in at this point in my depression. You are not pretending to be my friend. You don’t even pretend to care. You just offer me one last call to talk.
I think I would have clicked on that message.
What also would have been helpful is friends who actually meant it when they asked, “How are you?” but we live in a self-centered society where people run for the hills when a friend has mental issues.
Mental Health vs. Physical Health
Let’s compare mental health to physical health conditions.
Imagine somebody has a heart attack. A friend. A family member. What do you do? You call 911, and you perform CPR until the paramedics show up.
Shouldn’t the same process be used for mental health issues? Right now, it seems to me that the reaction from friends and family falls into one of two categories:
- Ignore it and run for the hills!
- Tell me: “You need help. Get help!”
Thanks! As if I didn’t know!
You are right. I need help. I should get help. But my mental functions are not working properly.
Would you tell a friend having a heart attack to ‘get help’ and walk away? Of course not! You would seek help for him, and you would take care of him until help arrived.
So what is the difference?
In the case of physical harm, we take charge. We get involved. In the case of mental health issues like depression and suicidal thoughts, we wash our hands. We kick the problem back to the person having the issue in the first place. It doesn’t work. It will never work. And the suicide rate will keep on growing.
In my opinion, what we need is widespread training on how to deal with people having suicidal thoughts.
We actively promote CPR training, and it saves lives. Why don’t we actively promote training in dealing with mental health issues? It would save lives — and it would reduce the risks of you having to live with a loved one who killed himself.
More about my journey with depression and a suicide attempt.
Today, let’s reach out to at least one friend to check out on them before it’s too late.
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