Why a Transactional Relationship Doesn’t Work
I’ve been in a transactional relationship before, and let me tell you, it was a nightmare I never want to experience again.
Before I started working as a dating consultant, I was a young and naïve Filipina who didn’t know how dating works.
I once met a guy who courted me for four months but vanished when I told him I wanted a serious guy who wasn’t afraid to meet my family and bond with them.
Not to be dramatic, but my heart really broke at the time, and I felt like my world was falling apart.
I thought that nothing could be worse than that. Little did I know that was just the beginning of my dating failures.
Years later, I met Fern.
He was the kind of guy most women dream of. He was kind, funny, and handsome. And since I didn’t know any better, I thought I hit the jackpot.
But then we started dating and things began to unfold. I found out that Fern wouldn’t put effort into our relationship unless he had something to gain in return.
He would only take care of me if I gave him things he wanted such as shoes, designer shirts, and money.
It even reached a point where he threatened to leave me if I didn’t uphold my side of the “bargain” — something I wasn’t even aware we had struck.
As a result, I was put under pressure to do what he wanted just so I could feel his love. It’s such a shame, I know.
And then it hit me, I was in a transactional relationship.
A relationship is a partnership…
but it’s not a business that thrives on the exchange alone.
Long story short, it took me two years to leave that toxic relationship. Looking back, I realized I was indeed dumb enough to put up with a completely self-serving man.
Now I know that I can’t be with someone who only sees me as a means to an end. I want to be treated as a lover, not as a business partner.
Transactional relationships can lead to resentment.
And that is precisely what happened to me. I didn’t feel like I was loved and cared for enough because my ex was only concerned with whatever I put into the relationship.
He didn’t want me. He only wanted what I could provide for him.
Others have said transactional relationships have benefits. If you believe this, I respect your opinion.
But, in my experience, this kind of relationship is only driven by personal gains, with less love and genuine connection.
