How parents and educators can create a ‘culture of kindness’ at home and in the classroom

By Katy Bowman

“Be kind.” Featured on bumper stickers and social media posts, dining room walls and bulletin boards, the phrase is a pithy yet vital reminder in a world that often feels … unkind.

“There’s so much exposure to violence and upsetting news that it’s especially important to foster positive qualities like kindness, caring, compassion, and empathy in kids from an early age,” said Michelle Muratori, Ph.D., assistant director of student support for the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth.

Exhibiting kindness and empathy doesn’t just make us nicer people; it usually makes us more likable, able to make friends, and sustain healthy relationships, Muratori added. But like most catchphrases, “be kind” is easier said than done, so we’ve compiled a list of ways you can start creating a culture of kindness at home and in the classroom.

Model kindness.

It may seem obvious, but showing kindness to a child can build a foundation of kindness within them. “When a child feels nurtured, they feel like their needs are met and they have a safe, secure base,” Muratori said. “That early nurturing has to do with kindness; parents can do a lot by modeling that, and so can teachers.”

Kindness can take many forms, and they don’t have to be grand gestures. Packing your daughter’s sweatshirt just in case it gets cold outside, making your son his favorite banana-strawberry smoothie, setting his instrument by the front door so he doesn’t forget it, or asking a student about their pet, favorite sport, or favorite video game, and just taking time to actively listen are all ways to show you care.

Frame your feedback thoughtfully.

Kids are constantly receiving feedback on their work — be it how they made their bed, structured a critical essay, or handled the ball on the soccer field. Adults can create a culture of kindness by thinking through how we frame that feedback. “We want to frame it so it shows we’re thinking about the best interests of the child and their growth, and saying things in a way that is not shaming or judgmental,” Muratori said. Thoughtful feedback can build kids’ confidence, help them feel safe, and can model appropriate ways for them to give constructive feedback to others. This article has some great tips for showing kindness while giving feedback to kids.

Set the tone early.

Create a supportive classroom (and home) environment early on by setting ground rules. Allow kids to feel safe sharing their thoughts and taking appropriate risks without worrying about saying the wrong thing or being shamed or harshly criticized, Muratori said. Make it clear that unkind words and actions will not be tolerated — but if a child does slip and say something unkind (they are kids, after all), use it as a teachable moment and offer constructive feedback.

Read to them.

Reading builds empathy by helping us experience the world from other peoples’ perspectives. The more kids start to understand about other people’s backgrounds, experiences, and hardships, the kinder they will likely be to others. While reading to kids, take time to reflect on the characters’ situations, their actions, and their growth throughout the story, Muratori said. Check out this list of 40 children’s books about kindness.

Give kids opportunities to help.

Help them brainstorm acts of kindness they can show towards a parent, sibling, classmate, or friend, reminding them that even small acts have value. Plan a volunteer activity for your family or classroom that benefits your school or community. “These types of activities can teach them about being altruistic without expecting anything back,” Muratori said.

Encourage self-reflection.

When you see a child show an act of kindness (or meanness), take time to name it, recognize it, and encourage them to think about how it made them feel, Muratori said. How do they think it made the other person feel? “When they’re little, helping them develop the skills to be more aware of themselves and how their actions impact others can be really valuable,” she said. “When they start from a foundation of self-awareness, they can start to filter and process information in a way that shows awareness of others.”

Help them show kindness to themselves.

While stressing the value of kindness, we want to make sure we’re also teaching kids to practice self-care, Muratori said. This is especially true for kids who are worriers, or are naturally highly empathic, who might be taking care of everyone but themselves. “If they always give, give, give without attending to their own needs, they may start to feel depleted,” Muratori said. “Pouring from an empty cup is not going to help their sense of self-esteem or well-being,” If kids are dealing with negative feelings, they could start acting unkindly to others. Again, self-reflection can help. Recognizing and dealing with those feelings by practicing mindfulness, doing breathing exercises, and talking with a friend, sibling, or trusted adult will put them in a better space to do good out in the world.

Want more tips for inspiring kids to be kind? Check out two upcoming virtual CTY events that will focus on kindness: James Rhee: Kindness + Math = Success in Life, Career, and Leadership, and Kindness and Healthy Peer Relationships, hosted by Muratori. For those who can’t make the live events, we’ll post the recordings on our YouTube channel.

How do you encourage kindness in your home or classroom? Share your ideas in the comments!