Nonfiction | Mother’s Love | Affection
The Silent Inflection of the Word Mom
The emptiness of being understood in the missing adobe [BUHUB Contest]
We are the sum total of all our experiences. Of course, these experiences are far from perfect. Nevertheless, they shape and reshape us as a person. Relationships play a huge role in our lives. Without them, we are like a directionless, purposeless ship in the vast ocean of life.
I never fully understand what it means to have a Mother. All I know is my aunt taking care of me since childhood. Probably, she is the closest to what a mother should be. I remember being once told that my mother passed away when I was a tiny baby. That hurts me to the core.
I have no complaints on my aunt or other family members, they took good care of me all along. However, My very presence always felt like incomplete. Do not know why.
I used to observe other kids at school, in the park, malls and in the street when they were with their mothers, just to get a sense or feel of it. How they interact, how they smile or laugh together, and how much true love and fondness they share!
I used to take my tiffin and sit close by to hear their conversation. I used to feel jealous how a mother hugs, caresses the hair of their kids, pats on the back, and squeezes the cheeks in utter joy. I miss all of it.
They keep on querying for their well-being and the kids complain, “I am already a big boy now, and you do not have to worry so much Momma.” The sparkle in the eyes of those kids when they see their Moms at gates of the the school to pick them up is so surreal and enviable.
Would she have baked me a special cake for my birthday party at school?
Would she have listened me attentively with ample time for me?
Would she have been always on my side to support me?
Would she have been waiting for me at home eagerly?
Sometimes it made me wonder whether my mother would have been so affectionate and caring! Perhaps yes.
She would have been cheering me up in all my basketball games. She might have been running along with me outside the court.
She would have been shouting, “Come on Samar, this way, score!”
My friends would have been asking me, “Is she your Mom?”
I would have been saying, “No! I have never saw her in my life before!”
That would have been super fun.
She would have been waking me up with a cute kiss early in the morning and making some delicious breakfast before school. It could have been omelet, waffles, pancakes or cereals. The family dinner would have been so great.
She would have told me so many stories before bed. She could have made me quiet with just one look if I misbehave. She would have encouraged and supported all my dreams and goals in life no matter how boring they are. She would have boosted my self-confidence to excel in studies and in life.
It would have been so interesting and exciting to introduce her to my high school and college girlfriends. I have no idea that how she would have reacted — whether she would have approved?
I never got a chance!
She would have been my shoulder to cry on, the softest place to fall on to, and the person who knows me the best on this planet. Her unconditional love and support despite my countless mistakes would have been something to experience!
She would have been the first person who I tell my share of successes and failures. Her life lessons and motherly advice would have been so effective.
She would have believed in me, no matter what.
I will never get to know her in this life. That’s the bitter truth. Wish we had an email service that connects different realms. I would have loved to send her emails each day.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives an unconditional meaning to it.
Miss you.
Thanks for reading. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.
This piece is written for the purpose of spreading awareness, love, and compassion through writing on occasion of Mother’s Day. Thanks Emy for this lovely invitation.
