“My Name Is Joe, and I’m a Pothead”
Call Me a Weed Addict, I Don’t Care!
Stop Being Such an Abstinence-or-Nothing Perfectionist
I am “California Sober” — I vape concentrated THC when I need to fight the urge to drink alcohol. I read a lot about how I am “not sober.” I also read a lot of articles voicing concern about using too much medical cannabis. One Medium writer, I will not dignify with a link, even recommended that you use cannabis once or at most twice a week, and more than that is “dependence.” I disagree with that, but I am not just being defensive.
I use various forms of medical marijuana — flower, oil, concentrates, edibles — all day, every day. I don’t care if you call me someone with severe marijuana addiction. “California Sober” is about implementing the idea of “progress, not perfection.” Instead, everyone disapproves of weed smokers in traditional Twelve Step recovery programs. In those rooms you will often hear: “you are not sober if you smoke weed.” (Please leave a comment if you have said this and it helped you or the other person stay sober.) They tell you that you cannot share in meetings or volunteer for the group. They call it, disparagingly, “the marijuana maintenance program.” They call weed a crutch. One quick search engine run will confirm my point.
Cannabis use disorder (CUD), also known as cannabis addiction or marijuana addiction, is a relatively new (2013) category of mental illness first defined in the fifth revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), as the continued use of cannabis despite clinically significant impairment. The DSM-5 also added cannabis withdrawal as a new condition.
The criteria include: hazardous use, social/interpersonal problems, neglected major roles, withdrawal, tolerance, used more significant amounts/longer, repeated attempts to quit/control use, much time spent using, physical/ psychological problems related to abuse, activities are given up and craving. For a DSM-5 cannabis use disorder diagnosis, at least two of these criteria need to be present in the last twelve-month period. Additionally, three severity levels have been defined: mild (two or three criteria), moderate (four or five criteria), and severe (six or more criteria) cannabis use disorder.
I meet MORE than six of those criteria, so I’ve got a severe case of weed addiction. I know because I sometimes drive after using (I have also gone after taking prescription drugs that the label said “don’t drive or operate heavy machinery). I’m on a sleeping pill as I write this in the morning. I have lost friends over weed. If I run out, I immediately head to the dispensary to get some. It’s expensive. I have built up a tolerance. Withdrawal, which includes “anxiety,” happens if I stop vaping my anti-anxiety medication. I have tried to control my use times because I have actually believed idiots who say you need to smoke less. I use it all the time. I have a chronic cough and smoke despite my pulmonologist’s recommendation that I quit. Diagnosis: severe cannabis addict.
My psychiatrist did not diagnose me with CUD. Instead, I was diagnosed with polysubstance use disorder, in remission, EXCEPT for my cannabis use. I am almost four years without alcohol, tobacco, and psychedelic mushrooms. Longer with LSD, even longer for cocaine, and even longer for crack, meth and pills. So I smoke a little — or a lot — of weed. As we say in the Northeast, “Stop busting my balls!”
I use weed to keep me sober from alcohol and free of cigarettes and cigars. I use it for a variety of physical and mental health ailments. It is medicine. I also use the occasional anti-anxiety pill, even though it can be abused and even more addictive than weed. I used to drive after taking Klonopin, so I must have a Klonopin use disorder.
I went to my very first AA meeting in 2003. I did not identify as an alcoholic, even though I was. Instead, I said, “My name is Joe, and I’m a pothead.” But I did not want to quit smoking. After a few meetings, I left the rooms for almost seven years. I tried abstinence. Here’s the weird thing. If I quit smoking, I relapse on drinking. If I smoke, I don’t retreat from drinking. I’m at my longest stretch without drinking by almost double my previous personal record. I guess you could say I use weed as a “crutch” for my alcoholism. Well, the Twelve Steps alone clearly don’t work for me in the long run. I practice “going any length necessary to stay sober.” I practice “honesty” and “open-mindedness” when it comes to the ability of medical marijuana to have a positive impact on my life.
Now I go to meetings of Medically Assisted Recovery Anonymous (which approves of plant medicine therapy) and meet with my friends. I am happy with my life, and my wife.
So, call me a pothead. I own it.
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