The Wonder Plant
Cannabis Saved My Life
Beating Addiction, Avoiding Malnutrition, and Relieving PTSD/Anxiety
“Mama, Mama, many worlds I’ve come
since I first left home” — Grateful Dead, “Brokedown Palace”
I have alcohol use disorder and polysubstance use disorder. I also have bipolar I disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety, and Type 2 Diabetes. I have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and COPD with an asthma overlay. Despite my health — which probably reflects years of heavy partying — I have not had a drink since January 4, 2018, a personal record. I have not had cocaine since November 2012 or crack since 2009.
I tried the traditional 12 Step “clean and sober” approach and abstained from alcohol, cannabis, and everything else. The longest I got was two years and four months, with the help of a ten-month inpatient program without liquor, followed by a two-year relapse. I often had trouble getting one month sober and was written off “in the Fellowship” as a “chronic relapser.” I now refer to myself as “California Sober.” I was born in Los Angeles, so I come by it honestly.
I have a sponsor, and I do not think my psych meds qualify me as “not sober” or that I need to “take a white chip,” all of which is garbage that is not in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous does not mention cannabis, marijuana, weed, or grass. It’s an “outside issue.”
I prefer to call everything by what my doctors say. That’s why I identified as having alcohol use disorder and polysubstance use disorder because doctors no longer refer to us “alcoholics” and “addicts.” I had a psychiatrist tell me that she considers weed to be an “over-the-counter psych med.” That’s why she was happy to give me her diagnosis to take to my cannabis doctor (also an MD), who issued a recommendation that I use it. I finally found a sponsor who believed the same thing because he was well versed in AA history and took psych meds for depression.
When I was 16, and a freshman in college, I smoked my first weed. We were in a room, passing a bong around, and I blew into it, shooting the flower across the room. I had to learn how to inhale during college. My first experience was using marijuana to get high. Period.
From 1986 to 2018, I pretty much stayed in the “marijuana is just for getting high” attitude, that breeds the stigma against medical marijuana use to this day. When I started getting sober in 2009, I quit smoking weed as well. I relapsed so many times after periods of well less than a year. I had a long relapse from 2016–2018, during which I did smoke weed again. I had missed it a lot. But all the medication was self-medication.
In 2018, just when I finally passed 90 days sober again, I entered the bold and beautiful new world of medical cannabis. Florida had just passed its medical use law, and I got a card based on my psychiatric diagnosis of PTSD. Recently, a review of previous studies was published by AIMS Neurosci. 2021 May 13;8(3):414–434, which shows plenty of anecdotal support but calls for further scientifically valid studies. “Evidence from the included studies was mainly based on non-randomized studies with no comparators. Results from unpooled, high RoB studies showed that cannabis was associated with a reduction in overall PTSD symptoms and improved” quality of life. For the first time in my life, I tried a “vape pen.” I was blown away. A few “toots” on my pen and the PTSD symptoms immediately subsided in me.
Fortunately, I found one of the very few open-minded sponsors and therapists when it comes to medical cannabis. I have also had relatively progressive, new-fashioned, and understanding behavioral health professionals. It’s about time that medical marijuana for PTSD and sobriety become more mainstream.
I then learned that up to five toots on my vape pen in rapid succession could defeat my alcohol cravings. I have not had a drink now since January 4, 2018, a personal record for me. As I continue to best my sobriety record in the intervening four years, I have learned that cannabis helps me stay sober. I am not sober “despite” smoking cannabis, but “because” I use marijuana. Alcohol is a life-or-death matter for me. I may fall asleep or get the munchies, but I don’t get in my car to look for a drink. Weed helps me stay alive because I do not get drunk and become a hazard to everyone, including myself.
Marijuana-assisted sobriety is starting to gain traction in the scientific community. Perhaps you saw the YouTube series where pop sensation Demi Lovato discussed their recovery from opioids. If you google “California Sober” — the term they used — all you will come up with are links from a bunch of rehab facilities offering the “one size fits all” abstinence-only solution, saying that if you smoke weed, you are not “sober.” Fortunately, I have found nontraditional groups online where I can find support for my marijuana-assisted sobriety.
I have not smoked a cigarette since May 2, 2018 (after forty years of smoking half a pack a day). Marijuana helps me quit. I have pre-rolled joints handy in their plastic containers. In case of a smoking craving, break the seal and smoke a doobie. This routine defeats my cigarette cravings every time! I am no longer dying from cigarette smoke. Also importantly, marijuana smoking is less hazardous than tobacco smoking. Harm Reduct J. 2005; 2: 21. Published online 2005 Oct 18. doi: 10.1186/1477–7517–2–21. While there have been sufficient scientific studies on cannabis as a smoking cessation aid, plenty of websites advertise the link between cannabis use and smoking cessation.
My glaucoma has gotten better, an objective fact. Even the government admits that: “There is no question that marijuana-based medicines can be used to lower” interocular pressure. The government just does not want you to use it. In the optometry records of my exam four years ago, I had increased interocular pressure in my eyes. I did a follow-up visit with an ophthalmologist who said I was developing glaucoma. After four years of medical marijuana, my glaucoma is wholly gone, and no longer is high interocular pressure a feature of my eye exams. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Then, late last year, I was diagnosed with stomach paralysis or diabetic gastroparesis. My disease arises from neuropathy of the vagus nerve in the stomach. As a result, my stomach takes longer than your does to empty. People with my condition “feel full,” so they do not eat and die of malnutrition. You can guess how marijuana helps me here. I get the munchies. I want to eat. I eat. I am not dying of malnutrition. Again, I am not alone in this regard. Dis Sci. 2020 Aug;65(8):2311–2320.
Finally, I have generalized anxiety syndrome. The primary treatment is with benzodiazepines, like Klonopin and Valium. These drugs are themselves addictive. While I have taken them as needed, I try to avoid them and use those pills as a last resort. I find that my desk vaporizer and concentrates work better than popping a pill most times for anxiety. I have not had to take Klonopin in some time and am still working on a 30-day prescription in November 2020. “Antianxiety effect of cannabis: involvement of central benzodiazepine receptors,” was published in 1986. Plus, any stoner will tell you, indica helps you chill out.
And I also like to chill and watch Dead & Company concerts on my TV and enjoy life. I live in Massachusetts where the grass is greener, and both medical and recreational marijuana are legal. I am sad that I cannot openly bring my medicine with me to certain states. Maybe one day, the politicians will fight big tobacco and big alcohol and make cannabis legal, at least medical. I hope you find a better life in cannabis as well.
