My Pre Historic Boss Hired a Boomer, and the Generations Are Clashing [Hard]
More generational life lessons from the workplace
My boss was born 200,000 years ago. I know that because he asked me to guess his age once and I got it right by removing 5 centuries from my estimate.
He looks super old.
But he’s a tough man. You don’t want to joke around him. You do what he says, and you learn.
Because he’s a fire-making genius. I’d work for him for free because that’s how much I value the learning experience. He makes fire just with one stroke of rubbing two stones.
Actually, I often work for free because he doesn’t give me raw meat for my overtime. Moreover, I’m obligated to work for free because I do not have the privilege of becoming a millionaire by making TikTok dances or YouTube videos like genZ 👯.
Not that he refused to pay for my overtime, I am just too afraid to ask.
Anyway, I learned a ton, and in a few more years, I’ll launch my own tools and become a hunter like him.
We both love raw meat a lot.
Enter the new Boomer hire
He’s different. You can see it in the way he dresses. He doesn’t even own animal hides. I know because I asked him.
So strange.
He wants to work for a hunting agency, and he doesn’t have animal hides? I’m pondering.
He wears some silly accessory known as a ‘tie’ (a new learning for me ) with his ‘suit’. “It makes me look civilised,” he says with pride in his eyes. I don’t know what this new civilised shit is, but I can surely tell you what he looks like — a clown.
To protect his pretty feet, he wears these fancy things known as ‘shoes’ and to protect himself from the bacteria inside the shoes he wears ‘socks’. What a weakling I tell you! Real men wear hides, hunt animals, and drink blood. I can already see this culture dying with our generation. Disappointing!
He keeps talking about some funny thing called a computer. “I know all the Excel shortcuts!” he exclaims. What are shortcuts? And whoever won in life by taking shortcuts? This generation doesn’t want to put in the hours and that’s the truth.
My boss hired him. I don’t know why. Maybe he wanted a challenge? Or it’s to understand the young generation. He told me he wants to expand fire-making and hunting toward younger demographics because they will inherit from their parents one day. And that will be some metal mine.
“I want to be there to take the Lion.”
I agree with him.
He has such stamina that he will outlive every last one of us just like he’s been doing for the past 200,000 years.
He’ll live 10 million years. At least.
The new guy, I’m not so sure.
Everything is difficult for him. Even crossing the river to hunt the boss’s favorite lion cub (an easy catch) is a problem.
“ What if a crocodile eats me while crossing the river ? What if Lion cub’s mama attacks me while hunting for her baby ? Will that be a work accident?”
Who cares?! What a wimp. I said, “Yes don’t worry! No accident will happen. It’s just across the river. You just have to be fast enough to not get attacked by crocodiles and snakes.”
He felt uneasy. “You never know. Could you carve this on a stone as an agreement? I’m a bit scared.”
I think he did one year of fishing before switching to hunting. But all this fuss for a plate of Lion cub Alfredo?
So weird.
Are all boomers like this?! I guess there are some exceptions, but based on the representative sample, it could be a problem in the future. They don’t want to hunt, they invent problems.
My boss doesn’t like him because his Alfredo was soggy. He had to wait seventeen minutes before crossing the river because he had a panic attack. Not the best first impression he could make.
Cold soggy lion cub Alfredo doesn’t taste as good as steaming hot lion cub Alfredo.
And he doesn’t know the hunting tools? What do they learn at the cave?!
They take as many stones as they want, but they don’t even know their tools!!
So strange.
The struggle is real
Three weeks ago he had problems with his stones. He should be thankful at this point that stones were being handed to him, all ready to be stroked. In our times, we had to cross the seven seas to reach the mountain summit and punch the mountain till we bled to bring rocks and then strike them against each other.
He just sat there crying. What a weakling!
“I’m going to be killed,” he said. My boss didn’t hear him. He’s lucky. Or he would have been killed on the spot. He doesn’t like the loser mindset.
“Just call a homo erectus. The guys will help.”
“I can’t! They will eat me because I don’t speak their sign language.”
I didn’t know what to say. He’s scared of homo erectus?! They’re here to help us. They do what we need to help us make more hunting tools so that we can give them Tiger Chops and Bear Grills.
This guy is just cringe.
The clash
Friday afternoon. Sunset. The new guy starts packing. He has clubbing scheduled with his friends
He has friends?
He can’t miss it because they’re training for a competition (next month). “It’s huge. The Beatles will be there!”
I don’t know what’s his deal, but when I see the boss coming, I know it’s not going to happen.
He gives a big rock to the new guy.
“Remaster this with the new design and turn it into a blue whale hunting device. It should also have a tool to escape from the bees while collecting honey from the forest. I have carved my remarks on this other rock, here.”
He’s lucky. The boss carved his remarks. It’s easy to read. In our times, he used gentle strokes of his thumb finger to write and I had to use a photo spectrometer to decipher his rocks of wisdom. Tough.
“No problem. I’ll do it first thing on Monday”
I want to hide inside my cave.
Is he crazy?
My boss stares. He doesn’t understand. He checks the sky. It’s not Monday. It says Friday.
“What do you mean?”
He tells him about the clubbing scenario and The Beatles thing. He has to go. But he’ll be back at sunrise sharp on Monday morning.
My boss takes a flint knife and stabs him in the stomach.
Take that.
He doesn’t compute. Maybe he never got stabbed before? Weak parents make weak kids. That’s the problem. I hope at least this fresh blood oozing from his body teaches him something!
“I have to go to the ER. My blood pressure is dropping,” he whines. These boomers, I tell you! It’s all in their head because, in our times, blood pressure never used to drop.
“I heard you were scared of homo erectus [ I told him ]. So listen to me. The homo erectus department is a rainbow unicorn handing out coco pebbles flavoured crocodile stir fry compared to me. I’m a dragon. Dinosaur. You do what I say bruhh. Or I will terminate you and your future. Understood?”
He removes the knife stuck in his belly and throws it in the grass.
“You won’t need that till sunrise. Now you work.”
The conclusion
The new guy’s aware enough to know he’s facing a life turn. He could go clubbing with friends. Or he could learn to become a dragon like the boss.
He made his choice.
What would you have done?
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Disclaimer: Any resemblance to this post is purely coincidental.
