The Pandemic Actually Helped My Mental Health
It was an unexpected gift
The other day, I was reflecting on how the year of the pandemic played out for me, and I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t that bad. In fact, it made me much happier and carefree. During a time when a lot of people were still having it rough, I felt guilty to even think that, let alone admit it. But, it is how things played out, and I’m one who will always try to find the silver lining in situations. This happens to be a big lining.
For the past 5 years, I’ve dealt with a lot of issues. One thing stacked on top of another, and I felt like I was always taking two steps forward, but then one step back. The times spent retracing were some of the most frustrating moments, and it took a lot to not swing into a deep depression. I recognized the progress I was making, but it was often overshadowed by thoughts of where I ought to be instead.
I wasn’t mentally strong enough then to overcome the negative emotions. Rolling with the punches of life was not a strength; I couldn’t accept that that was where I was still at. In my mind, I felt like I went through so much, tried so hard to improve my situation, that I deserved more than I got, and was resentful and impatient when it did not play out as such.
Towards the end of 2019, when things seemed to improve a bit, I made big plans for 2020.
I thought maybe it was time I tried something different. Take advantage of the fact that I was already working remotely, and experience living in different parts of the country.
Maybe even fall in love with both a place and a person.
Then the pandemic hit.
It’s irrational to get mad at life, I know, but I couldn’t help it. Once again, two steps forward, one step back. Who knew how far back, and for how long.
My strides in being more social, in finding new activities that would have enabled me to connect with others, now all went out the window. For the first four months, I felt lonely and isolated.
Everyone I knew was going through their own hardships, but it also seemed like they had a good support system. The daily news of xenophobia filled me with dread, terror, and anger. The political world was maddening. Every day, opportunities seemed to be slipping away, back-filled by uncertainty and anxiousness. I felt more stuck than ever, not knowing how to move forward.
It wasn’t until the fall of 2020 was when I finally felt like I found my groove.
I realized the small actions I took, and in many ways, the pandemic, got me over the hump. I was much, much happier, hopeful, and felt like I had a second chance in life. These were just some of those things.
I got off social media
At the time, I questioned if I was making the right move. I was already isolated; would getting rid of something that kept me even remotely connected to people a smart thing to do? Well, the answer was yes, because a huge part of the isolation was due to the lack of genuine connections. Social media only gave the appearance, but in fact made me feel more empty inside. Getting off social media allowed me to focus more on me and my writing here on Medium.
I unashamedly asked people to catch up on the phone or Zoom
Pre-pandemic, it felt almost intrusive, bothersome, and needy to ask people to spend time on their phone solely for talking to catch up. During the pandemic, it became not only the norm, but acceptable and *gasp* welcomed.
I stopped putting so much pressure on myself
I would say this was one of the biggest factors in leading the change. Pre-pandemic, I was pressuring myself to go out more often to meet people, experience new things, and just all around live, and not waste time. While I was doing that, I was also not enjoying myself in the process. The interactions and efforts felt forced, and my mindset was not in the right place. I was looking for a specific end result: making new friends or discovering a new hobby. But when those things didn’t materialize, I felt disappointed and like a failure. Then there were times when events were happening that I just didn’t want to go to, and I felt guilty and antisocial. The pandemic gave me an excuse to no longer have to do any of these things. It was such a relief.
I stopped putting so much pressure on others
Maybe it went hand-in-hand with me not pressuring myself so much, who knows. But for a long while, I put a lot of pressure on people to reciprocate friendship. It was a desperate bid for connection, one that wouldn’t be entirely successful. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends; it was that I wanted more local ones. Eventually, in one of my steps forward, I was able to let go of what my idea of an ideal friendship looked like. I am thankful and appreciative of those who have been in my life for a while. New isn’t always better.
I had time to reset
Like for many, the pandemic forced me to figure out what was truly important for me. What we think about doing post-pandemic, those are the things that are significant and worth exploring. This past year of being by myself gave me the opportunity to accept the place and pace of where I’m at. It allowed me to reflect and prepare for when the world does open back up, that I hit the ground running. I need a long ramp-up time when it comes to decision making, and life just gave me the ability to do just that.
I am extremely grateful that my friends and family have been spared the worse of COVID thus far. And to know the beginning of the end is here fills me with so much hope. For me, the pandemic was a blessing in disguise to have a chance to catch up to myself. I am sincerely thankful and look forward to the future; I will not squander that silver lining. I wish the same for all of you.
